Kindness doesn't hurt
My husband is mad at me for not deciding to make food for him. He came in from fixing the car, he asked when I wanted to make the food. I asked him when he wanted it and asked if he was ready. I explained it just needed a few minutes to heat up but I wanted to know if he was going to come in now or later. Wrong answer. So now he's outside cause he's mad at me for not deciding for him. How am I supposed to know how hungry someone is? He didn't even come in last night from fixing the cat until 11. I'm not gonna heat up food just for it to sit for hours like it did last night. I explained but he tells me he doesn't care. This stuff he pulls makes me want to be divorced. He does it often and I've asked him to just be nice to me but it's like he has s goal in mind to hurt me everyday. Why can't he just be nice?
The way he wants you to decide it for him is like his a kid that cant decide for himself -.-“ he’s a grown up, he should be at least able to decide when he wants to eat his food?
If he can’t decide it I guess you just heat the food and let him know. Up to him to eat it or not.
In my case I always tell my husband that I don’t want to decide things for him, I don’t want the mental load- I want him to think things by himself not me. I have lots of other things to think of, would tell him you have your own brain so use it yourself don’t use mine >.<
I've asked him to let my l me know, but I get the " if you can't figure out then don't worry about it" answer.
@Stargazernow hello, if I’m in your place I will always feel like I’m worthless. Like I’m a loser, incompetent wife, and honestly that would drive me crazy. What a stressful life to live with such man. I wonder how you can stand living with him :/
Maybe you can ask him straightforwardly like “Do you still love me? Because I don’t feel like you love me by the way you treated me” If he still loves you, and you still love him then maybe you guys can find ways to make it up. But if the love isn’t there anymore then what’s the point serving slaving over someone that just treat you like trash :(
@Stargazernow
There is no peace with this as i have found out ........ you are right that you cannot guess his level of hunger or if he is ready to take a break of fixing something to stop and eat .....
He is not a child and you should NOT treat him as one...
.I know it is difficult to communicate that HE needs to tell you when he is hungry with enough time to heat up or prepare.............. but you are no longer guessing or reheating something over and over. but you can leave him instructions to prepare his own meal since you are not a mind reader.
@Stargazernow,
what stuff does he pull up? I don't see an issue in making dinner and having eat it hours later. Men are different. For him it matters that dinner has been made. For you it matters that he eats it when it's ready. For him, making dinner for him shows you care. For you, making dinner and eat it together when dinner is finished shows you care. You both have quite normal different expectations.
I don't care of we eat together. We have a 10 month old that we switch off watching so we can eat in peace for a short time. What bothers me is that I get no straight answer. I'm ready when he's ready and I get no help with getting there. He has told me that none of my family loves me, he has called me stupid and a moron and one time a ***. Saying I have no common sense. He just puts me down a lot and I'm getting tired of it. I've asked him to be nice to me and to stop calling me names cause it doesn't help the situation any but he doesn't listen or care like he has told me many times
@Stargazernow
I'm sorry your are going through this very difficult and frustrating situation in this moment. Kindness does matter, and we desire big and small moments of appreciation.
It's fair to feel un-acknowledged for what you do do, and you are correct his sporadic behavior and schedule is difficult to plan for - heating food only to go cold. How can you anticipate when he's ready for dinner if he's not clear up front? Have you had that conversation so expectations and food can be made at the optimal moment?
I've had that conversation but he doesn't like to plan things out and will get mad at me for trying to. Telling me to go with the flow but will be mad when the food is cold. I can't win
