I need help and advice
Hi there! I'm new to this...
I've been in a 9mo relationship that I really enjoy, but lately there's been a lot of arguments and I feel really bad about them. I don't know if I'm the problem or if it's not me? I'm just stressed and feeling bad. I really love my bf and I don't want to break us apart or anything. I just want to inprove
i know it seems hard but its always good to find the root of the problem maybe something has been bothering you arguments get heated its always good to rake a breather and talk when both parties are more calm and with the same love u have for that person
@batman829
Do you know any good ways to get the root of the problem to the surface? I'm unsure where to start since my bf and I have varying opinions on what starts and escalates the fights
honestly its okay to differentiate in opinions but its always good to listen even if its different (this goes both ways) if u dont agree with it let ur bf know abt it maybe one of you doesnt feel heard enough, always think about how u feel try to ask ur bf abt it too maybe theres something more the fights arent meaningless its okay to not be in the same page. id say to think if anything has happened that may have u guys like that and have a heart to heart convo with him about it in all good feelings ofc
@SpiritTea
It sounds like you're going through a tough time right now. Here are some steps and advice that might help you improve your relationship and navigate through the arguments:
1. Communicate Openly
Effective communication is key in any relationship. Make sure you and your boyfriend have a safe space to express your feelings and concerns without fear of judgment. Listen actively to each other and try to understand each other’s perspectives.
2. Identify Triggers:
Reflect on what triggers these arguments. Are there specific topics or situations that tend to lead to disagreements? Understanding these triggers can help you both approach sensitive topics with more care and understanding.
3. Manage Stress:
Stress can significantly impact how we interact with others. Make sure you're taking care of your own mental and emotional well-being. Find healthy ways to manage stress, such as exercise, mindfulness, or talking to a trusted friend or therapist.
4. Seek Understanding:
Try to understand where your boyfriend is coming from in these arguments. What are his concerns or frustrations? Sometimes, conflicts arise from misunderstandings or unmet expectations. Clarifying these can help prevent future misunderstandings.
5. Focus on Solutions, Not Blame:
Instead of focusing on who’s right or wrong, focus on finding solutions together. Collaborate on ways to improve communication, resolve conflicts peacefully, and strengthen your relationship.
6. Take Breaks When Needed:
If arguments escalate, it's okay to take a break and revisit the conversation when both of you are calmer and more collected. This can prevent saying hurtful things in the heat of the moment.
7. Show Appreciation:
Express gratitude and appreciation for each other regularly. Sometimes, conflicts overshadow the positive aspects of a relationship. Reminding each other of why you appreciate one another can help strengthen your bond.
8. Give Each Other Space:
Respect each other’s need for space and independence. It's healthy to have individual hobbies and friends outside of the relationship.
9. Stay Committed to Growth:
Relationships evolve over time, and it’s normal to face challenges along the way. Stay committed to learning and growing together, both as individuals and as a couple.
Remember, it’s okay to experience bumps in the road. What matters is how you navigate through them together. With patience, understanding, and a willingness to work on your relationship, you can overcome these challenges and strengthen your bond.
Take care of yourself and your relationship. You’ve got this!
@BlossomGirvan
Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. It's been really rough lately and I really hope this can help.
@SpiritTea
It's wonderful that you've reached out for help and advice. The fact that you're seeking ways to improve your relationship shows how much you care and want things to get better.
Arguments can be really stressful and make us question ourselves, but it's important to remember that conflicts are a normal part of any relationship. What's crucial is how we handle them and the effort we put into resolving them.
It's great that you love your boyfriend and want to make things work. Open and honest communication is key, as well as being willing to listen and understand each other's perspectives. Seeking advice and being proactive about improving your situation is a positive step forward.
Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs. With patience, understanding, and effort, things can improve. You're not alone in this, and there are many resources and people here to support you.
Stay hopeful and keep moving forward. You have the strength to navigate through this.
Warm regards,
Hi @SpiritTea,
@fancySoul641
I tried opening up to my bf a couple days ago about how all of this has made me feel. I tried using "I" statements and openly expressing what I didn't like. I don't think I did it right because when he opened up about how he was feeling, he had a perfectly reasonable counter to every single one of my points. I won't go into personal details, but one thing was how I disliked his use of certain trigger words or sarcasm. He promised to lessen that, however he also raised the point that he was only sarcastic because the situation had turned negative and he was reacting to me. I understand what he meant so I didn't feel like we truly heard each other.
I don't know what been causing all these arguments. Being totally honest, I can't help but feel it's because I'm struggling to change my bad habits. I'm a very forgetful person, but I forgot small little things like asking how he is or what he's been up to. He doesn't feel like I care and it only worsens when it's taken months for the slightest of changes. It hurts me that he feels that way and I'm kinda at a loss. We made a list of all the things I should remember in an attempt to help me, but... it hasn't helped. Not like I wanted it to. I'm worried.
@SpiritTea
I Understand It's The Greatest Suffering When You Love Someone But You Both Are Having Frequent Arguments With With Each Other, As I Understand Your Relationship Is Quite New So Having Clashes At This Point Of Time Is Common But What You Can Do Is As You Are The Best Judge Of Your Situation And You Know How To Talk To Him And What's The Best Time For Both Of You To Talk (When You Are Both In A Calm Mood) So That You Can In Detail Discuss The Reason Of The Arguments And Then Together Can Work On Resolving Them.
Discussing Them With Your Partner At Right Time Will Be The Best Solution To This And It Will Also Increase Understanding Between Both Of You As Its Not Your Problem Nor His Its A Common Problem For Both Of You.
@SpiritTea
Hey sorry to hear that,relationships can be amazing,but also challenging.It's great that you're recognizing the issues and wanting to improve.Know that it's normal to have ups and downs.Instead of blaming yourself or your partner, try having an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings and concerns.Remember,relationships are a journey of growth & learning together.Wishing you well buddy!
Hi I understand how you feel. Have you tried finding the causes of your arguments and how do control your emotions during those arguments? Finding where all these arguments stem from and controlling my emotions are somethings I would do first.
@SpiritTea
It’s great that you want to work on improving the relationship. Always communicate, look out for any recurring patterns in your arguments that can be addressed. There are always two perspectives in a relationship look out for that. Seek counseling either individually or as a couple
@SpiritTea
Hi @SpiritTea,
What you are going through sounds really upsetting. Relationships go through their ups and downs and the downs can really stress you out, leaving you wondering if it's your fault. Whether it is or it isn't your fault, wanting to improve is always good and seeking help is a great way to take care of your mental health.
@SpiritTea Hi may ask have you try to talk with your partner about your concerns and how you feel ?