Mirea
November 17th, 2016
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@ivoryBunny7465
16 years is a long time. I understand that as I am leaving a 16 year relationship myself so I get how big a part of your life that is.
As to your question, I don't really think it matters whether it's "normal". I think you can safely say that it's normal for him. The questions you may want to ask yourself are these:
If he doesn't ever change, can I continue to live with him? This probably isn't a question you can answer now but it may be that you want to keep that in the back of your mind.
How have I communicated my needs to him? If you are also in the same old patterns and he responds in the same old way, it may be a rut you both need to climb out of.
Is he more responsive when I ask in other ways? Is he more responsive when I ask for things other than emotional comfort? Some people hate when they can't fix things. If he shows love and support in other ways, that may be what he can do. For instance, if he doesn't do the emotional comfort stuff well but will step up if you say "I'm feeling really down, Can you take care of X, Y or Z for me?"
If you had someone else like a friend or family member to turn to when you're having a really bad time, would that ease your need to lean on him? Might he be more responsive if there is less pressure in the moment? Or how about a time limit like "I just need a shoulder to cry on for 10 minutes right now".
Is he willing to go to counseling with you or by himself in order to learn some communication and emotional skills?
So, disclaimer: I obviously don't know you or your partner so this is all just very general and speculative. I had to ask myself all those questions in my own relationship and while it didn't have the outcome I wanted, they helped give me clarity as to what I needed to do for myself.
Also, I don't expect you to answer these here. This is just stuff to mull over in your own time. Hope this helps somewhat.