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Hopeful0001
3 741,743 M Meaningful Journey 13
Rawr is I love you in dino talk
PathStep 1,819 Compassion hearts29,150 Forum posts5,374 Forum upvotes5,448 Current upvotes5,448 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceJune 28, 2016
Bio

Hello. You can call me Hopeful. I suffer from a few physical limitations like arthritis, muscle atrophy, degenerative disc disease, and a few fractures on my spine. I also suffer from PCOS, which is also known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and asthma. I have the following mental health limitations - Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, and Autism. Despite all these conditions, they do not define who I am, just what I suffer from. I am in the social work field, and continuing to further my education.


What I seek in a listener is someone who listens to me without making assumptions. If you utilize your training of empathy, validation, reflection, and open ended questions, you and I can get on pretty well. I know that cups cannot fix any of my problems. But if I can be heard by someone, it can help reduce the weight on my shoulders.


Much love,


Hopeful








Recent forum posts
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Funeral
Poetry / by Hopeful0001
Last post
 1 day ago
...See more This must be our goodbye Cause if I don’t leave on my own I will leave in a body bag. You kill me mentally, emotionally, and physically Drain me of all my energy. I can’t do this anymore I can’t breathe When you pressure me to be there. Be somebody I am not All because you can’t be okay With your own self and time. I want to burn  Maybe that pain would be easier Than the pain of my heart As you ignore all my boundaries. Restrictions and ultimatums in your eyes. Feel like I’ve been drowning Suffocating in this relationship Staying for all the wrong reasons. Every time I pull away You apologize  But Sorry is just a word At this point Do you even mean it when you apologize? The urges get more intense  When we are on the phone You not listening to a thing I say Like my opinions and wants do not matter. This needs to be goodbye Before I die from this disease.
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My relationship sometimes makes me....
Relationship Stress / by Hopeful0001
Last post
 November 5th
...See more Want to just scream.  It doesn't really matter what i say or what I do, I am always wrong. He thinks I gaslight him by telling him how things he said make me feels. He says that it is him using empathy when he tells me the mean thing my friend said about me to him days ago. But in my mind there's no real point bringing up something like that days after it was said, all it does is hurt me and he can't see that, and said that I am making him out to be the bad guy. He said that all I ever do when I complain about him is make him look like the bad guy and don't tell people about the good he does like buy me food when we go out and pay for my waxes. Our last argument started because I was talking about wanting to go for a promotion and he asked me about my car, asking if my car would take it, and I asked him not to be negative, and he got upset saying he wasn't being negative, that he was talking pros and cons, and I said I dont want to talk about that and it just escalated from there. He says we can't ever talk about serious things. But it is my decision. We don't live together. All we do is see each other when he is here, we sleep together, we go on little dates, And this is going to make me look really bad but we have been dating for over a year and like 3 to 4 months into dating him, I found out he was married. I know I am a bad person for not ending the relationship but he was the first guy who would treat me sweet.  What frustrates me so much about this relationship is that sometimes I feel like he thinks I am a stupid young girl he can control because he is older than me (only by 7) and that if I even disagree with him, I am starting huge issues. Also, the double standards are real. He can be unfaithful but I can't even talk about other men or talk to other men, and he recently got upset because he was told (incorrectly) that I was bragging about an ex and talking about wishing I could talk to men without getting caught by him.  Honestly a part of me is scared he is going to find this post because he does know i spend a lot of time on 7cups but I hope that he does not decide to come check this out but I guess if he brings this post up, it is a sign that he is toxic, right? I feel like im not allowed to vent about I feel and that I walk on eggshells with him. I don't even know if what i feel for him is love or just the fact that I do not want to be alone. I work a lot beyond when I see him, I do like the companionship and the physical intimacy is where we shine the best I guess, which is sad.
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Hopeful's Journal - Replies wanted
Journals & Diaries / by Hopeful0001
Last post
 October 12th
...See more 5 16 2024 I dont really know what to type in my journal but I was told by my life coach that I shouldnt over think, just write exactly what I am thinking.  My left arm hurts so much, it is from the shoulder to the wrist. I wish this physical pain would give me a break for a few days at the least. I am always in pain and I want the pain to vanish. I can't remember a time where I was not in pain. First diagnosed with all these horrible things like degenerative disc disease, muscle atrophy, and arthritis when I was just 15 and now I am 28 years old with so much more pain. It's really not fair. I have a consult scheduled for June to see a doctor about the arm and I really hope that answers are found. I have a feeling that it is just the arthritis but I would love if there was a miracle cure.  Anyways for not having much to say, I sure said a lot lol
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Attachment Issues - A Poem
Poetry / by Hopeful0001
Last post
 July 20th, 2022
...See more I wrote this poem after experiencing some heartbreak from this one guy I am currently talking to.. I expect to feel more heartbreak but I can't walk away from him. ‘Didnt wear my seatbelt Fell so hard So fast Wanted to enjoy myself Ended up in a pit of misery. Feels like a crushing rock Holding me down under Air bubbles lessening It’s like I’ve lost the ability to breathe To see the light The rug got pulled from under me. I’m falling And there’s no where to grab. Got too close to something real How silly of me to think it was for me. How silly of me to let myself believe That I deserve security and closeness. Wanted so badly to be connected I doomed it from the start. I knew I’d mess up So I sabotaged myself. So now I’m drowning in my tears Wishing I could breathe. How silly of me to think Green flags were for me. ----------- Have me twisted Heart pangs Blood down my wrists. Pain clouding Breathing labored Feelings crushed Doubts intensified. Questions in the air. Did I mean anything? Or was I just another body To add to your count? Felt so safe Now i feel tossed Like yesterday’s garbage. You say you’re not leaving But you don’t show yourself. All I have is heartbreak And I did this to myself. I got close to you Let myself be hurt. Opened myself to pain. I don’t know how to exist How to pretend you never happened. Misery in my soul All I know is sadness. How lame of me To think I’m allowed happiness. It was fun While it lasted. I let myself be fooled Thinking someone could love All of me. Should have known Mother knows best. No one can love A broken stitch like me.
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Dealing with my first patient loss and struggling to cope
General Support / by Hopeful0001
Last post
 June 20th, 2022
...See more Hi everyone. Most of you know me as Hopeful. I work for my local hospital as a Behavioral Tech. And I am dealing with a loss that I didn't expect because I don't work on a floor where death is common. A patient, who I will refer to as Love to protect her confidentiality, died unexpectedly an hour before my shift began on Wednesday. Love was giving me hugs and blowing me kisses the day before and holding my hands and communicating with us all. She was acting how Love normally acts. There were no signs that this was going to be the last time I saw Love alive. I came into work yesterday, and I was completely unaware of Love's situation. I overheard nurses talking about Love but it didn't really click that Love was dead until I heard Love's family screaming and crying while I was in the dayroom with my assigned patient. It came as a shock to me because I didn't realize that Love had died in her sleep. Love had been in and out of our care for a span of over a decade. Love has touched many of our hearts and we have grown attached to Love. I know for one I always thought I would see Love around the hospital because she became a normal fixture within our units. Whenever Love saw me, she would be so happy and she remembered me everytime. There were moments where Love irritated me with how loud she could be during the full twelve hours with her and I would get migraines but I always presented her with patience and love because I know she struggled her whole life with her mental illnesses that impacted her mental health. I told her many times that I love her and Love let me know she loves me too. She was such a loving woman and I am going to miss her. I am sad that she is dead but at the same time, I hope she is now at peace after struggling for over a decade to get her mental illnesses under control. I don't have much beliefs but I want to hold onto the faith that there are spirits and a place where we go after struggling for so long on Earth. Love, if there is such a thing, I think you have more than earned yourself a spot up there. I am glad that you are no longer suffering with the voices or any of the other symptoms that came from the illnesses that you had. I am sorry Love that your family didn't spend enough time with you or call you for special occasions but I think it was amazing how much you loved them and told me about your daughters when you were lucid. I love you, Love. I miss you. I am not happy you're gone but I am okay with you being at peace. It hurts.
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Help me find some scholarly sources plz
Student Support / by Hopeful0001
Last post
 March 19th, 2019
...See more I need six extra sources on top of my textbook. I am writing a paper on Counselor Ethics and Responsibilities Assignment Guidelines. It has to cover client rights, responsibility to warn and protect, Client-record keeping,self care, advocacy, and counselor values.
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