Codependency?
So, I'll try to explain my situation as clearly as I can.
I've been seeing a guy for some months now. I have never clearly and fully committed to him, as deep down I think he is no match. Even so, I need his company. I need human company, I'm lonely and he is the only source that can provide such. He is a good guy, treats me really well, but i just can't see us as a "we". It would be cringe. Every time I tried to cut off contact, I would come back with more force: it feels unbearable to stay away, I cannot focus on anything else in my life, as he is become the centre of my days. It's awful, because I can't even enjoy the time we spend together, because of course he wants to know where we stand and wants full committment. I feel like a bad person, because I keep on clinging to him, not leaving him free. I keep on wanting to satisfy my needs purely and solely through this relationship. It's addictive. I'ts addictive to have someone care for you and love you. But what when you can't reciprocate?
He deserves everything. Everytime we are apart i miss having him by my side so much. I have no mor hobbies or can't take care of myself for this matter. I've developped such a toxic attachment, that would better only if i decided to commit to this fully. I just don't know why it wouldn't be the best decision for me. Maybe i'm not that happy in the relationship after all.
Well, I just wanted to vent a little bit. This whole situation pains me very. I just needed to let this all out. Me feeling stupid, child-like.
I would like please not to have advice, as this situation is pretty delicate. Any other words or comment are fine by me.