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Terrified of intimacy and a virgin
Eiccacries December 9th, 2021
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I have sexual trauma and i am a virgin. I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 months now and we're having a lot of problems because I don't do the sexual stuff. He's aware of what i went through but he gets so frustrated. sent him a text today while he was sleeping upstairs and i ended up watching his google history( what i know is very wrong) and there was a lot of "why my partner doesn't want to have sex with me" Posts and also a couple of porn videos,what is normal since he's not getting any sex. I don't think i make him happy anymore and I'm really sad about it. I upfronted asked him that but he keeps saying that i make him happy. I dont know what to do,i want to have sex with him but I'm so freaking scared i freeze and i just can't do it,I feel like the worst partner ever and i dont know how to solve it. I can't really afford therapy right now and i don't know.

5
Daydreamer47 December 9th, 2021
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@Eiccacries Do you feel comfortable pleasing him by touching him or using toys? For yourself, I would recommend getting a vibrator and going slowly to try to overcome the anxiety. Try to make it a healing experience for yourself by playing some happy music, lighting candles, whatever helps things feel more positive on your own terms to remind yourself that your sexuality is for you to feel good on your own terms. <3 Your boyfriend needs to be understanding that your healing comes first.

Eiccacries OP December 9th, 2021
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@Daydreamer47 i do touch him sometimes,That's more than i was able to do when we first started dating,i thought showering with him would help too so I took all the courage i could and i showered with him once,so he could see me naked and i could learn how to feel more comfortable around his body. But it's still not enough,and I'm worried he won't wait much longer. We're having fights about it,The last 3 days have beeb really hard because of it and i don't know i feel so tired,i feel like I'll never be able to do it

Daydreamer47 December 9th, 2021
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@Eiccacries He honestly doesn't sound the most understanding. Do what is best for You and your healing to go at your own pace. Maybe it would be better to just be friends until you feel more ready for all this. *hugs*

Eiccacries OP December 9th, 2021
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I tried to make him think about it but he keeps saying that i make him Happy,which i know it's not really true,or at least not in every aspect. Thanks for the comments and for reading my post <3

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