I don't know what I am
I've been through a lot in my life and I'm only recently seeking out who I am sexually. I have zero desire to have sex with anybody. Not because I'm afraid of sex I just see no reason for it. I don't want kids so why would I do it? I've begun to realize this way of thinking is not 'normal'. My ADHD brain went on a massive search to find some identity sexually. I found the term asexual and researched the hell out of it. I relate to sooo much of it. I do have fantasies but none of them involve sexual acts. I don't really know how to explain that. Then I had someone tell me that I can't be asexual that I'm just repressed because of being abused when I was a kid. I guess maybe that could be true but idk. I don't understand when people find others attractive or "hot" as some say. To me when I find someone 'attractive it's more in a sense of beauty like a painting or a sunset. There is another side that's emerging as well and that's the idea of cuddling or just being held by someone, little kisses on the forehead. I just want to understand myself and I don't know where to even begin.