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SuperWhoLock88
120 M Embraced 1
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2016 Member sinceMarch 25, 2016
Recent forum posts
I don't know what I am
Relationship Stress / by SuperWhoLock88
Last post
 May 14th, 2016
...See more I've been through a lot in my life and I'm only recently seeking out who I am sexually. I have zero desire to have sex with anybody. Not because I'm afraid of sex I just see no reason for it. I don't want kids so why would I do it? I've begun to realize this way of thinking is not 'normal'. My ADHD brain went on a massive search to find some identity sexually. I found the term asexual and researched the hell out of it. I relate to sooo much of it. I do have fantasies but none of them involve sexual acts. I don't really know how to explain that. Then I had someone tell me that I can't be asexual that I'm just repressed because of being abused when I was a kid. I guess maybe that could be true but idk. I don't understand when people find others attractive or "hot" as some say. To me when I find someone 'attractive it's more in a sense of beauty like a painting or a sunset. There is another side that's emerging as well and that's the idea of cuddling or just being held by someone, little kisses on the forehead. I just want to understand myself and I don't know where to even begin.
Self harm sometimes, but not always?
OCD & Related Behaviors / by SuperWhoLock88
Last post
 June 3rd, 2016
...See more I have something called dermatillomania which is where one picks at perceived blemishes on the skin. 90% of the time this is not done to hurt myself or even as a way to relieve emotions, in fact sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it until I see blood. But sometimes especially lately it's been purposeful. I have healing scabs that I pull off just to feel it. And that scares the hell out of me. I haven't cut, my main self harm, in nine years. The urges are still there I've just eliminated or made access harder. I pick my face I can't just not have a face. Idk what to do anymore
Fibromyalgia possibly
Disability Support / by SuperWhoLock88
Last post
 April 10th, 2017
...See more I literally spend every day in some level of pain. I refuse narcotics to help because of addiction issues. I've been tested for a wide range of things like arthritis, lupus, gout, and even diabetes plus so much more and none of it rings the bells. My mom has fibromyalgia and my pain.is so similar that at this point I don't think it could be anything else. Some days are just so hard. I do take Aleve to help with the pain and honestly I have a high pain tolerance so I can function and 99% of people have no clue about it. But sometimes I just really need some place to whine to so here's this post. Anyway thanks for listening
Family gathering
Trauma Support / by SuperWhoLock88
Last post
 March 27th, 2016
...See more These things are difficult for me. My abuser is often at these events. See my abuse was in childhood, he's my cousin only a few years older, and it's widely believed by my family that it was just him 'experimenting' so I have not tried to tell them the monster he truly is. He hasn't harmed my since I was 10, I'm 27 now but he plays head games that no one else can understand. Sometimes he even hugs me. I know it's cowardly to keep coming I should just cut them off but I just am not that strong. Hell some days getting up is a challenge. Anyway I'm actually at a family thing now, he's not here yet but is supposed to be soon. Thanks for listening.
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