When the love disappears
Do you know the line, " for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part" in the marriage vows? Sometimes these words lead to a lifetime of pain and regret.
I have been married for 25 years (this year). However, the love is gone from our relationship and now I feel trapped. My husband is an alcoholic. This is his 3rd relapse and I am at the end of my endurance. I finally started getting the help I need to get better recently. But I and my children (all over 18) will never recover as long as we are in contact with him. Each day I am subjugated to his verbal abuse. I don't talk back because that will only make him angrier. I have also been recently diagnosed with PTSD from my childhood, and anxiety which means that during high stress incidents, I freeze/ shut down. We don't talk because he can't remember anything- his brain is mush. He doesn't even know/care what is going on in his own kids' lives. I know its y fault because I married him, but he wasn't like this during the first 10 +years we were together. I stayed because I felt it was better for the kids to have a roof over their heads. I wasn't in the position to support them as a single mother. I'm still not. My oldest daughter left right after high school. The 2 youngest opted to stay, possibly to support/protect me. He only hit me once, a long time ago. I should have left then.
Now I don't know what will happen. Does anyone out there have any similar experiences? How did you handle it? Do you have any suggestions?
Thank you to everyone for your support.