When the love disappears

@NotAllHere713

Hello and yes i am you.... in a way .............mine finally kicked it after many relapses and several DUI and thousands out in fines and tickets.     we can not look back with 20/20 hindsight and not say i could have / should have.... I will tell you now the long term damage sucks... one child has not spoken to dad in a decade.... others simply are polite but have no feelings towards him ......... and me well the added bonus of long term alcohol abuse is cognitive issues.   He forgets a lot and even sober i feel i will be a caregiver for someone that at some point may not even know who i am....  

i have showed him the path he is on is one HE and HE alone has chosen.... It is easy to no longer have any feelings for someone we once loved..... I have demanded he gets the therapy he needs and he accepts that when things go downhill no one but him is to blame and he made that choice for both of us.    If you are strong enough to be on your own or with one of your kids...... Leave.....enjoy what life you have and do not feel bad about it those vows were broken by his betrayal to not be there for you... to self inflict this on both of you. 

@toughTiger6481 

Thank you for your support. It comforts me and at the same time depresses me that this type of behavior is common in alcoholics. My kids are only civil with him-but do not talk to him because he doesn't remember what they tell him anyways. I'm going to a therapist and I have a psych. I am working on having the courage and self-confidence to make the choice to leave. 

@NotAllHere713

I'm sorry to hear about the pain and challenges you're facing, NotAllHere713. It's clear that you've been through a lot, and it's understandable to feel trapped in a difficult situation like this. Here are a few thoughts and suggestions that might help:

1. Prioritize Your Safety and Well-being: Your safety and mental health are paramount. If you're in a situation where you feel unsafe due to verbal abuse or any form of mistreatment, consider reaching out to local support services or organizations that specialize in helping individuals in abusive relationships.

2. Seek Support: It's crucial to have a support network during this time. Whether it's friends, family members, or support groups like this one, having people who can listen to you and offer emotional support can make a significant difference. You might also consider individual counseling to work through the trauma and anxiety you're experiencing.

3. Focus on Your Healing: Healing from trauma and managing anxiety are important steps in rebuilding your life. Consider therapy or support groups that specialize in PTSD and anxiety to help you navigate these challenges.

4. Take Small Steps: Making changes can be overwhelming, so take small steps towards your goals. Whether it's setting boundaries with your husband, exploring options for your future, or seeking legal advice, each step forward is progress.

Remember, you deserve to live a life free from abuse and unhappiness. It's never easy to make decisions in situations like this, but reaching out for support and exploring your options can empower you to make the best choices for yourself and your children. Take care of yourself first and foremost. 🤗

@BlossomGirvan 

Thank you for your words of wisdom. I know deep down that I will never get better if I stay with him. But I don't have the self-confidence to leave. He literally killed whatever self-esteem I had. We have not been intimate for a while. I'm not attracted to him anymore- I can't stand being near him. He blames it on my hormones, but he refuses to acknowledge his part in our deteriorating relationship. I sent my son to stay with my parents so he could have a break from his father. But my middle daughter is still here and she rarely interacts with him. I feel trapped and its my fault. I don't know how to escape. 

@NotAllHere713

I'm truly sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you're in a very difficult situation, but acknowledging the problem is a significant first step. It's important to know that you are not at fault for feeling trapped, and there are steps you can take to regain control of your life.

Rebuilding confidence after experiencing a challenging relationship can take time and effort, but it's absolutely possible.

Focus on self-care practices to rebuild your self-esteem. This could include hobbies, exercise, meditation, or anything that makes you feel good about yourself.

 Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions without judgment. Understand that it's okay to have gone through what you did.

Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and understanding. Replace self-criticism with supportive and affirming thoughts.

 Set achievable goals that align with your interests and values. Accomplishing even small tasks can boost your confidence and sense of control.

Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Recognizing your progress can reinforce positive self-esteem.

Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with more realistic and positive affirmations. Recognize your strengths and achievements.

Practice mindfulness techniques or meditation to cultivate present-moment awareness and reduce stress. This can promote a more balanced perspective.

Rebuilding confidence is a journey that takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate progress, even if it feels gradual...

By taking these steps, you can gradually rebuild your confidence and regain a sense of self-worth and empowerment. Each person's journey is unique, so finding what works best for her and taking things at your own pace will be key...

You deserve to feel loved, respected, and valued. You are stronger than you realize, and there is a path to a better future even if you dont see it now.. 🌹🤗