Moving on
Anyone give me some advice I'd appreciate it as I don't know what to do. I was in a serious relationship with someone which ended few months back. For me to be able to deal with things and move on I have distanced myself from them but they are still trying to keep in contact with me. They don't realise how much it is hurting me but I seem incapable of ignoring them when they pressure me to talk. I am trying not to get hurt but always give in and it seems as if I will not be able to shut them out even when they have moved on and I have to find out and be in even more pain.
Were they the dumper or the dumpee? If they were the dumper, then they need to give you space and you have every right to put up boundaries and tell them that you need space. Then, if they respond, you don’t have to respond anymore. If you were the dumper, it depends on how you dumped them. Maybe they need closure. In that case, depending on how you dumped them and if you never gave them a chance to talk at least on the phone (given COVID), then I would arrange a time to talk on Zoom/Skype/FaceTime.
Well we were close to getting married. We had been having a lot of problems (lockdown obvs. not helping) and then he said he didn't think we were ready. This was the second time he had cancelled so I decided I wasn't going to live with him anymore and moved out. Then it sort of just ended.
@IcyMist In this case, if he contacts you virtually, ignore him and block him anywhere and everywhere. I would not give in on that, unless you actually want him back in your life. If/when that is the case, you can unblock him.
If it comes to showing up at your place, you may have to get a restraining order on him if he continues after you told him to stop multiple times. It sounds like harrassment.
@IcyMist So sorry to here this.
Maybe try a varified listener or a trained active listener, for support.
Hope this helps.
@IcyMist the best thing you can do is be direct about communication. I had an ex dump me and promise to talk/be friends, only to shut me out. I’ve also been on the end of being the dumper and unintentionally hurt someone more by being nice, instead of being kind. So, it really depends and you are welcome to chat with me more if you would like.
I actually wrote a letter explaining that I needed space and time but they always just ignore it and end up pushing their way back into my life every time.
@IcyMist I hope you get the time and space you need,soon.
@IcyMist Blocking might help you
@sally2345986 I agree with you about this.
Once you realise they weren't the one and that things will be different once you meet the right person, you might have a better time accepting things and coping. Don't rush into another relationship, try to fix things that you didn't like about yourself from before and build some self-confidence and make small changes in your life that are positive every day until you feel ready to try again. You'll know when you're ready. The pains and regrets might get you from time to time but if you're sure they're not the one, then you can reason with your emotions and thoughts that what you're missing isn't good for you and will only end the same way it always has. Yes they will move on, but so will you. Both of you will have fulfilling lives hopefully without regrets. Just take what lessons you can from your past and use what you've learned to make something positive out of something negative.
@IcyMist Sorry to here that.
Maybe try a listener,to see if they can help.
