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intellectualSquare829
4,618 M Seeking Light 6
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts509 Forum posts32 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2024 Member sinceMarch 11, 2021
Recent forum posts
Getting Back Into Dating
Relationship Stress / by intellectualSquare829
Last post
 April 1st, 2021
...See more I had my first date since January when I was in a relationship with my ex. A bit of a background: my ex broke up with me in a text message because of some mental health issues (you can see the whole situation in two posts on the family and relationships forum). Anyways, I feel proud of myself. Although the date with this new woman didn't end up in a second date (mutually agreed upon by both of us), I did make a new friend out of it and we're going to hang out again in a couple of weeks. It's really hard to move on and it still hurts, but I am proud of myself for trying and being honest about my situation with the people I am talking to. I know what it feels like to not have my feelings considered and am at least not going to pass my pain on to someone else.
Grieving from a Particularly Rough Break Up
Relationship Stress / by intellectualSquare829
Last post
 March 17th, 2021
...See more I'm slowly moving on from a relationship, but it really hurts to know how it ended. I still want my ex to come back, but I have to be honest with myself that I am never going to see her again. She has multiple mental illnesses and broke up with me citing her inability to handle her mental illness out of the blue less than a day after telling me how she saw me in the future. She broke up with me in a text, which normally would be a cruddy thing to do, but I know it has to do with her emotional health than anything else. I just feel like I am grieving the person I am losing to their mental illnesses and the relationship. She doesn't want to keep in contact after mentioning wanting to be friends. Given the circumstances and who she is as a person, I thought she was serious about it. I love her unconditionally and would have put aside my feelings to be there as a friend, even if it meant we would never be a couple. I am just confused and sad.
I think my ex has this. Is there a way I can get her back?
Personality Disorders Support / by intellectualSquare829
Last post
 March 19th, 2021
...See more I had an ex break up with me out of the blue recently after saying that she saw a future with me and ask that we no longer contact each other so that we both could move on. She mentioned that she flees when she gets close to anyone. She would deal with extreme anxiety/panic attacks when she got too close and never understood why I could want her because she felt so broken. She also wanted to be friends before going back on that, too. Is there anything I can do to get her back? I love her unconditionally and would never abandon her or leave her. I am going no-contact because I think she needs some space while she is getting help. Is there any chance she may come back?
How do you learn to trust and open up to a therapist (Potential TW?)
Trauma Support / by intellectualSquare829
Last post
 March 12th, 2021
...See more I have been in therapy since I was seven, but have trouble trusting any of my therapists because I feel ashamed and guilty most of the time. I also grew up afraid of being taken out of my home and put into foster care (father had untreated serious mental illness and things were not great). I also had some really not so nice therapists (one even quit on me when I was little). Honestly, I don't know how to trust anyone in a position of authority because I am scared of being abused or worse off than I started. Does/did anyone else feel this way? How did you get past it?
Ex broke up with me suddenly because of their mental illness.Do mentally ill exes ever come back?
Relationship Stress / by intellectualSquare829
Last post
 March 11th, 2021
...See more Hi Everyone, Sorry for the long post: I am new here and need some help/advice. My partner and I dated for five months before I was blindsided by a break up. My partner has multiple mental health issues, including depression, panic disorder, OCD, an eating disorder (in recovery), sensory processing issues, CPTSD, and ADHD. I also suspect that she may be on the autism spectrum. I always made sure to ask for consent and let her take the lead with showing affection, as I know it is hard for her. She would ask why I wanted to date her and would say that she was broken. I genuinely care for her and love her, mental illness or not (I said as much, minus the love part). Our last date before the break up, she asked to kiss me and seemed comfortable with it. For disclosure, I also have mental health issues and I never met someone who was as kind or accepting as she was with me during the relationship. My boundary was that I could date her as long as she was getting help and she seemed committed to working on herself and trying to be in a relationship. I also hold that same expectation for myself. The night before being broken up with, my partner and I made plans for hanging out that weekend and she mentioned me in her future. Less than 24 hours later, she broke up with me citing her worsening mental health during the pandemic and all of the problematic current events via a text. She also mentioned wanting to be friends, which I was fine with. Realistically, her anxiety was getting much worse and she would have panic attacks after kissing me and would withdraw really suddenly after wanting to kiss me, fleeing. She was also dealing with some not-so-great home circumstances and dealing with a recent loss, so in this case, I took the break up at face value and didn't fault her for the method, given how tough of a time she was facing. She also mentioned wanting to try again after the pandemic. Anyways, I reached out a couple of times post-break up. The first was to check on her because I was genuinely concerned about her. The second was because I got rejected from a program that I really wanted to get into and she is someone, due to her having gotten into something similar, had some very good insight. Both times, she responded very warmly and genuinely. The third time, I reached out about a month later to ask if it was alright if I sent her a card for her birthday and mentioned that I missed her friendship, asking to hang out in a few weeks. She gave me a response that my friends and I suspected was her stringing me along, so I asked if that was the case, but it also had some legitimacy (school and friendship troubles). When I asked her if that was the case, she mentioned that she didn't want to string me along and thought that we shouldn't speak to eachother again so that we can both move on. I feel like I pushed her too much and made a mistake by stating if she wanted a friendship, she would have to reach out this time. I've gone no contact since, but I know that she is not well and was also struggling with medication adjustments. It feels like I've lost a partner and a friendship, as how the breakup occurred and subsequent cutting contact seemed out of character for her. In reality, I support her decision to break up because I want her to be happy and healthy. If she needed to do that for herself, I love her enough for that to happen. If it means all we can ever be is friends, I can put aside my feelings and be there for her. But I also don't know if I am being pushed away because of her mental illnesses acting up and she feels like she deserves this and that I don't care, or if it is because I screwed up. I will respect her space, but at the same time I am torn and feel like I am in a darned if I do, darned if I don't situation. What is the fine line between respecting her space and wanting her to know that she has someone in her corner who hasn't abandoned her? I am trying to take care of myself and am slowly moving on from the relationship (I will always love her and would be willing to try again in the very distant future, provided she has gotten help and there were boundaries in place), but is it possible that I will ever see her again? Do mentally ill partners come back if they've gotten adequate help? Is it possible that she and I could be friends in the distant future, if that isn't the case? I'm just feeling confused, sad, and although it isn't her fault, I feel abandoned. The worst part is that I have a lot of non-mentally ill people in my life who are judging the situation with a mindset that my partner has motivations that are that of mentally well individuals. I'm just reeling with anxiety about the situation and I worry about her.
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