does this happen to other people?
So my spouse has an issue that has just grown and grown and i cannot take it much more....
Example: he asked me to find out what someone may want or like for a b-day... they told me i shared with him and he starts online shopping ............that goes from looking at the item they wanted...... to always trying to one up something... He starts showing me things he determines are " better" then the one thing the person said they would like... he picks colors he likes not what the person would want ... His way is always Better in his mind.
He does this with restaurants or anything else USUALLY the item he things are "better " are not and often are garbage/junk.... he apologizes but refuses to learn to NOT keep doing it.... everything i buy he thinks he could have found a better deal or something yet he procrastinates and wants me to swoop in and fix it then complains that he could have done better ...... I am done .... i do not want him to buy anything anymore........ he does not read packages he gets the wrong thing .... 90% of the time.
Any suggestions on how to have him quit this .... telling it to his face with examples of how many time this went WRONG has not phased him..... telling him i refuse any crap he buys online etc .....has not stopped this.
@toughTiger6481
Just venting really as i feel so frustrated by this and other small things .... he has something the company he was dealing with mailed in JUNE he was throwing it away in August when i said that will cost you a lot of money and it was something important he did not even read it....
He need to get them information as soon as he can i stopped and found the paperwork it has SAT for 2 days no rush / no urgency / just makes me crazy. this is regarding a pension that will mean thousands of dollars over time yet he drags his feet.
@toughTiger6481
I really don't have any tips or suggestions for you regarding your posts, I am the last person who should be giving relationship advice. I just wanted to let you know that even if you don't get an answer, or do get one that you don't want to hear, venting or getting your feelings down on paper, or in this case, typing them out, really helps....at least for me it does.....you have support here at 7cups, even if its silent sometimes.....
My partner does similar things- anything big or important is put off, and has cost us for waiting. Sounds like adhd with maybe a little narcissism. I try taking charge of it and helping. I get it that it’s a disability but yeah it’s frustrating too.
@Tommy1971
thanks for the reply ... i quit taking charge and doing all he things because he just expects it now... i am NOT his employee and refuse to do all the details and such. I would be more sympathetic IF he was not holding down a very responsible job ..... if he can manage that he can manage things on a personal level.
I am so sorry that you have to deal with your husband carelessness it seems. I can see you are visibly frustrated and I would be too. I mean you gave him feedback but he keeps on doing the same thing. It sounds like he is getting the work done often wrongly because he might not have put in enough thought is a stubborn habit. I was thinking if it is possible to encourage your husband to attend courses to improve his train of thoughts?
Also I noticed you supporting 7Cups forum actively and I appreciate it! Thank you so much and keep supporting.
@calmingcomfortero
Offered couples counseling and other options but he is stubborn and thinks nothing is wrong. would be waste of money to have him do a bobble head thing like he gives a hoot about what ANYONE else has to say.
He has many other issues regarding NOT listening Misreading social / emotional cues..... he wants to try to use perhaps a missed diagnosis of Adhd or some other item .... which i find insulting to anyone truly struggling with a condition.
I really try to respond to others because i know what it is like to not have feedback or replies when you post.
Here we go again having family over he TOOK a day OFF to get "ready" instead played with a new TV and learning options... I got to move clean and get ready after work......
now with them 15 minutes away he thinks WE need to do a bunch of things NOPE i am good with it as is.... i refused to do stuff he said he would yesterday in a last minute RUSH
if anyone here Knows why so many people simply can not get focused or motivated until the countdown of time is UP starts...... i cannot seem to let go because he never learns or changes this .... he does not even blink when lying to my face about all he is going to do and fails time after time after time...... just ruins every event / every plan / every day.
@toughTiger6481 how did the family thing go?
Do family recognise the rift in your relationship too?
Hope you're not feeling as frustrated today.it doesn't sound like you've been having a good time of it
@conscientiousNickel7021
He had a fight over cake with a 10 yr old.
The family has been slow to see his decline or whatever this is but clearly see it NOW.
I cannot change him... he needs to seek help on his own i just backed away far enough to not let it bother me as much.
Sorry he’s been like that. It’s frustrating.
Have you explored any boundary setting with him?
when you talk about the kind of relationship you’d like to have with him, what does he say? I’m more responsive if she would ask gently.
@Tommy1971
I have tried many many ways and frankly he only seems to respond or give a hoot when i am cruel about it. i simply no longer trust him and do not ask him to do anything that NEEDS to be done .... he knows how i feel i am not sugar coating anything.
i tried gently for far too long .... he has a problem not me.
I agree he’s the problem. Didn’t mean to suggest you haven’t tried everything. I’m just now applying boundaries in my life and wondering if it had any effect?
I’ve said some things like- if you keep doing this, I’m going to do this. Taking practice for me.
@Tommy1971
the gentle "i feel " statements / offer of counseling / the deep discussion and giving chance after chance after chance to correct things does nothing.... after a while you find you no longer care....
so the family has come and gone ....3 days with small kids and their parents
he seemed to be cooking for 12 even though there were only six of us..... so yep lots of odds and ends leftovers he wants us to make use of and only sort of acknowledge he way over did it .......and no surprise he complains about how much things cost for having company over....
the item he ordered for one child came the day AFTER they left .......because YES he is that on top of it....
I got to take out all the garbage and recycling as he just piled it up.....
laundry and cleaning up he says is my job since he " got ready" .....
only consolation is our guest are now very aware and clear his cognitive skills are simply melting like ice cream on a hot day. This was good because they told me i was over sensitive and he was not that bad before and now they say WOW you are correct... small comfort in i am not being overly dramatic.
