Waking up from a lovely Dream
I am in a relationship with this guy, actually was for like 3 years. I know I'm considered young for dating and all and the love at my age is considered puppy love but trust me I was damn serious. I have know him since childhood and we were at pretty good terms. I used to suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and he was always there for me to comfort me. But one day randomly I talked about our future together which according to me was a normal reaction as it's been 3 years now and he said hey I can't marry you. I thought he was scared which was a normal reaction so I didn't push him. Now today again he brought that topic up saying that he would prefer arrange marriage as he can't say his parents that he has a girlfriend because it'll ruin his " Perfect image ".
I asked him then why was he dating me like after even knowing we're not going to end up together. His answer made me more furious he said he loved me and just couldn't find a way to talk before.
This incident has made my anxiety severe. Actually sometimes I don't know how to react. Please give me some advices.
Thank you for reading till the end ☺.
@Blahblah1805
I hear you❤ and I can completely understand your feelings. Anyone would get frustrated and confused in such a situation. You can talk to listeners to vent your anger out and it could help you cope with your anxiety too. You are not alone, we are all here to support you. Always remember " You are stronger than you think". Take care dear.
hey there, I hope you’re doing better now ❤️
I understand your frustration, it’s totally reasonable and I know it’s not easy to be disappointed after being with a person for a long time... early communication is important and it seems like you were caught off guard.. which is not okay.
if you took your time.. and maybe willing to look for the other person’s perspective, it could widen your image and remove some resentment.
(maybe this doesn’t apply to your situation entirely)
but if his claim merely was about the social and family pressure, I just want to clarify that it can indeed be too much, and people have different capacities for tolerance. you deserve someone who have the capability and capacity for you.
I speak to this because I am now fighting my demons and my parents expectations of me, while dating behind their back.
(my partner know my confusion with the whole situation tho, i’m trying to put her in the picture)
but It brings me so much anxiety when I think of how much responsibility my parents attached to me, I don’t wanna participate in this image they have of me.. but when a person is emotionally neglected as a child, they can be very sensitive against chasing parents approval..
@plumFan7226
Thank you so much for this. I guess I was just thinking about what he did to me and all but now I can see a lil bit about how he has felt. Though I understand his fear as I'm going to face the society too, but is it really that difficult? I'm genuinely asking as you are facing the same.
Have a nice day☺
@Blahblah1805
I appreciate you meeting my response with genuine curiosity.
(disclaimer: I can’t fully speak to my personal experience as it is very unsafe for me to face my parents, and wouldn’t be productive or smart to face them at all)
so I don’t know about your specific case, but I can say that even though you think you personally can face it (which is admirable and awesome!), other people’s environments are different, and how they could respond to their environment is also different. therefore in these cases, when we see others acting differently than us, or wouldn’t do the things we would, we can consider the person’s background that they faced in their childhood that lead them to be less courageous than others, aside with how they’ve calculated what’s safe for them.
Knowing this might be helpful to you because once you understood this, you can open your heart for someone who is mentality aligns with yours. someone who is willing and capable to risk things for you. You deserve to have that person. and The’re out there!
sending you my support, please stay strong ❤️
@plumFan7226
Yes I get it now. I know one incident about his childhood like maybe in his early teen age he was caught harrasing a girl (it was nothing serious though just an act out of curiosity even the girl forgave him later) by his uncle. Maybe that's why he is afraid. But dear he can't stay like this forever can he shouldn't he try to overcome things?
I'm sorry if my question seems too much. Though I'm trying to understand I can't know how you guys feel exactly so I apologize as I don't intend to scratch your wounds. Take care ❤.
That is unfortunate :(
I’m glad it was nothing serious and I understand his state now, he must felt terrified and shameful by his uncle’s disappointment in him, which might caused him to chase for his family approval for the rest of his life.
I gotta say, I personally have dealt with shame as well by my mom growing up, never met with an understanding of them that I was just a kid. which put me in similar situation as him. The anxiety associated with it stems from the subconscious mind, it feels like a dangerous state to even think about it, and the mind uses this anxiety to try and protect itself from stepping into this the disappointment that it deems as danger.
We gotta understand that although you’re absolutely right and it’s best to heal and do what we want (cuz it’s our life, yeah!) some people may get overwhelmed and chooses to stay safe. Other people might give it a chance and try, but eventually fail at it and give up…
so maybe, just maybe, he really thought he could make it work like lots of other people, but eventually got overwhelmed.. and maybe.. he held that thought for a long time cuz he really loved you and was afraid from opening up about his fears cuz he was afraid how would you think of him..
I admire how open you are to this conversation, you seem like an amazing kind person, you deserve to be treated well and be happy. Thank you for giving me a chance to try and help❤️
@plumFan7226
I understand now. I won't push him then. Though I'd try to talk to him if he wants to overcome his fear I'll stand with him but if not then I'll leave him he because I want him to be well.
Thank you so much for all your responses like you answered my each and every question and helped me clear things. I wish you the best.
Lots of smiles and love ☺❤.
My pleasure!
Your current plan is a very healthy approach to the situation, I wish you all the best. Never forget that you are so valuable and it’s always a privilege to be with you, you are a privilege!
best wishes 🤍🤍