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Blahblah1805
19,680 M Progress Road 8
PathStep 153 Compassion hearts1,237 Forum posts166 Forum upvotes421 Current upvotes421 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceJuly 8, 2023
Bio

Hey! Thank you for coming here (;

You can call me blah. I used to suffer from severe anxiety with panic attacks. I still get triggered sometimes. I suffer from depression too and now there are many things going on with my relationship. I don't know how to manage everything along with studying. I feel like a complete mess. 





Recent forum posts
Facing failure...
Anxiety Support / by Blahblah1805
Last post
 May 12th
...See more I was having a very important exam today. I gave the same exam last year and failed, I could have gotten into any university randomly but I had a specific dream uni so I didn't take admission and took a drop year. At the same time while preparing for this exam I was suffering from anxiety and depression. I went to see a psychologist and was taking therapy sessions but my parents didn't knew anything about my situation as they'd never understand the term mental health. So we told them that I need guidance for exam and I have exam fear. But today my exam went very bad I may score less than my previous exam. I was sad but mean words from my dad broke me more.  He kept on scolding me and said 'Why did you take drop in the first place? You never focused on studies did you? Why did you waste time with psychologist it's useless...? Why were you faking to work hard? You know what you should stop studying now.. People like you who can't handle pressure and stress are not meant for education. You ruined my handwork etc. ' It broke me I know he's not wrong but agh I'm lost honestly I cried and cried and still want to cry I have no idea what else to do where to go. But the only thing that hurt me is my anxiety is not taken seriously. I have panic attacks I'm taking medication for that. My parents know that I'm taking medicines but they never asked why so I never mentioned. 
TW : Sexual Abuse
Anxiety Support / by Blahblah1805
Last post
 April 7th
...See more Tw : Sexual abuse This is my first time openly accepting my past. It's really difficult for me to write this.  I WISH I KNEW I was 7 years old, playing with dolls, toys and enjoying chocolates;  But who knew that I'd myself become someone's toy in later stages of my life.  I loved visiting this temple where my grandparents stayed for a while;  But who knew that I'd make excuses to avoid visiting it later.  I loved playing with a student pandit, even my parents liked him;  But who knew staying alone with him would fall my world apart.  I was innocent, just a kid beginning to explore the world;  But who knew that my innocence would be snatched away to the extent that I started hating myself.  I always believed in my strength, I was sure no one dared to touch me;  But who knew that I'd not even be able to speak (let alone scream) at the very moment.  I loved sleeping, I could even sleep with drums playing near me;  But who knew that I'd ever need a soothing music and exercises to cure my sleepless nights.  I loved school, you know it's exciting to learn new things and make friends;  But who knew that even this place would leave me with traumatizing memories.  I was very talkative and loved making friends (regardless of gender) ; But who knew that I'd see it as the biggest mistake of my life.  I used to have great dreams, either funny or lovely, I enjoyed them;  But who knew that these people would even haunt me in my dreams, to the extent that I was afraid to sleep.  I could cry easily, either for toys or for bullying my sister;  But who knew that later in my life, I'd hide my tears with a smile every single second.  *There's more of it but I can't right now.. maybe later.  Thank you for reading till the end. 
Can't try anymore...
Depression Support / by Blahblah1805
Last post
 January 5th
...See more I'm feeling this way for long.. very long time. Everytime I feel like doing nothing, slowly I start motivating (or forcing) myself. Then I start doing my work (studying). Gradually I improve and then again after a few days I end up being at the place from where I began. It's a cycle I guess.  Now I can't force myself to sit for studies again as now I know I'll end up here again so why should I try.  But I'm also supposed to study hard as my exams are in 3 months and I don't know what will I do.  Thank you for reading till the end. 
Exhausted..
Depression Support / by Blahblah1805
Last post
 December 8th, 2023
...See more I don't know what's wrong with me. Since last week I'm getting more and more quiet. I don't feel like talking anymore. Even listening to others annoys me. All kind of noises make me feel so frustrated I feel like rather kill me I can't bear this torture.  I just want to be alone all the time. I'm a student and for the last 3 days I haven't been able to read a single word I just can't. I just sit on my bed with books open, doing nothing. And soon I realise it's already night. I lose track of time sometimes.  If I'm left alone for like 2 or 3 hours it seems that I feel better I dance a bit or something. But as soon as someone texts me Or calls me Or anyone comes to me for a conversation I again become all sad and depressed. I don't know what to do and how to manage studies with all these emotions.  Thank you for reading till the end. Please give me some advices. 
Creating my Dream Boyfriend
Reading & Writing / by Blahblah1805
Last post
 December 1st, 2023
...See more Hey everyone! I recently faced my first breakup. I still miss him though since it's my first breakup it's normal for me to be feel that way.  If you were to create a boyfriend/girlfriend who's perfect for you, what kind of person would you choose?  For me it is :  Physical appearance : cute looking with nice hair and a bit taller than me  Nature : kind, childish but becomes serious when the situation demands. People smart and extrovert. Respects me my decisions and choices.  Other things : pet lover, not ashamed of twining outfits with me. That's all. 
Why is studying so difficult?
Depression Support / by Blahblah1805
Last post
 October 12th, 2023
...See more I'm supposed to study hard as I've already missed one chance to get into a good university. I've taken a drop after fighting with my parents as I want to be in a reputed uni. But now here I am not being able to study. Just sitting idle and doing nothing, maybe overthinking mostly. I try every single day to interest myself in studies or to pamper myself like just 1 more hour but still it doesn't last for long. This was same last year and I can't get new results with same mistake. I don't know what to do. It's really tiring to study and even prepare myself to study. I'm like this even when I know that if I failed this time maybe my parents would decide my career. I have no motivation.  I need advices and tricks or anything you know. Thank you so much for reading till the end ☺. 
Waking up from a lovely Dream
Relationship Stress / by Blahblah1805
Last post
 October 4th, 2023
...See more I am in a relationship with this guy, actually was for like 3 years. I know I'm considered young for dating and all and the love at my age is considered puppy love but trust me I was damn serious. I have know him since childhood and we were at pretty good terms. I used to suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and he was always there for me to comfort me. But one day randomly I talked about our future together which according to me was a normal reaction as it's been 3 years now and he said hey I can't marry you. I thought he was scared which was a normal reaction so I didn't push him. Now today again he brought that topic up saying that he would prefer arrange marriage as he can't say his parents that he has a girlfriend because it'll ruin his " Perfect image ". I asked him then why was he dating me like after even knowing we're not going to end up together. His answer made me more furious he said he loved me and just couldn't find a way to talk before. This incident has made my anxiety severe. Actually sometimes I don't know how to react. Please give me some advices. Thank you for reading till the end ☺.
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