@dlc87
Emotional connections are often made when a person is not getting that met in their current relationship.... are your conversations superficial about the house/ car /kids/ pets etc?
Even real affairs are often because something is lacking ....
Want to get over this .......Connect with her... find out what was missing.... and connect in a real way not what you assume she wants ......TALK to her and find out why.... then you need not lurk and worry but know your connection is strong ....and strong enough to accept she has male friends.
I dislike the idea of calling them " emotional" affairs but see why some do. Why do you think they bonded ? what does she talk to him about that she could not with you? ..... We sometime think we know ALL about our spouse but pieces of them change and we do not recognize and embrace it or learn about how they feel? we think we Already know it.
For example my spouse is about as emotional as a potato... (he changed was better before) . He does not listen or care about my feelings or never wants to talk about deeper things ....only the darn dog at this point i dislike now.
He says things like "I never learned to talk about feelings so lets talk about what I want" He told me he would do 1 session only of counseling told him forget it cause one session is therapist say "tell me about what is going on ? " and time is up.....
i have great conversations with 2 other men......... they discuss things with me make me feel listened to and cared about....some even share insight into their mistakes or challenges in their relationships.......many people are not getting their true needs met in emotional ways because spouse is forgetting the fun in connecting and common interests or getting to know you phase and that curiosity should never die because people change always.
When my spouse feels i am pulling away.........he gets on a website to BUY me something............ like that is the answer. ( often items he THINKS i like and i DO NOT ) ..... smothers me when I was away on business with calls and texts but when in same room ignores me ..........and turns the TV up when i speak.....
He shows me every day how little he is connected emotionally........ so if i get that need for a best friend / male perspective conversation........ WHY should my spouse even be bothered by it ? ......... or he would change ....to be there for me ask me about things in person .......even when it is not things he likes to do ........ If he would find out how close I have become to one other person ...... I see no reason for him to even be angry.............as i let him know in many ways i was not getting my needs met in the relationship. told him how i felt ignored and alone when spending "time" with him....
people cannot treat symptoms ....and think all is fixed....... IT is the ROOT cause that is the only way to get over the disconnect.