Healthy Boundaries
🛑🛑🛑❕❕❕TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT/TRAUMA❕❕❕🛑🛑🛑
My partner and I have been struggling with sexual boundaries. He is often in the mood when I am not and can be kinda pushy and overwhelming at times about wanting it. He has never forced or pressured me into doing things I don't want to but I have been with people who have. It gets very hard and confusing to set healthy boundaries with this because it can be triggering at times when he starts being pushy. When I do set boundaries in this context they often get pushed and it makes me feel like I can't trust him. He has been through similar trauma and has his own boundaries that I respect but I don't always feel like that is reciprocated.
I have tried telling him this before but he doesn't even realize what he is doing and prides himself on how respectful he is. When I have tried to correct him and tell him how what he is doing pushed my boundaries he gets defensive and tries to make comparisons to times that I have unknowningly crossed boundaries that he never actual communicated and those situations have already been rectified/dealt with.
@cresentrose2811 You're experiencing difficult feelings around setting boundaries with your partner. You are feeling confused and triggered when he is pushy. How does it make you feel when he doesn't respect your boundaries? What do you think one step you can take to firm up your boundaries with him?
Please know you have all of us here to listen to and support you. You are not alone in this. You can also explore Relationship support group chat to share and get more support.
@ASilentObserver He acts like my boundaries are offensive to him when I set them and it makes me feel bad, like I am asking too much from him. I am tired of feeling this way though because I have catered to him more than he realizes and those efforts are not being reciprocated.
@cresentrose2811 I've been in a similar situation before, with a guy who places a lot of stock in how respectful and nice he was. You really nailed it by saying that it's like the boundaries offend the other person in the relationship. Especially regarding sex, which is a bit more of a sensitive subject, I think it's really important for you two to understand and respect each other, or in this case, for him to do a little more work to understand what you're saying and what you need.
I read somewhere that boundaries aren't a punishment towards another person, but more like directions for how they can love us in the way that we need and in a way that is comfortable to us. His poor reaction to these boundaries makes me feel wary and guarded, because when I was in a relationship with a guy that reacted that way to my boundaries, it ended extremely poorly, to put it lightly.
