Cheating (Me)
Me and my wife have been together for just over 3 years now. When we had first gotten together, everything was great and we had very little issues outside of your atypical disagreements. However over this past year, we've began having relationship issues that have sprung up due to my actions.
Me and my wife aren't as intimate now as we were in the beginning, and as much as I would love to say that's it's the reason behind my problems, I know it's not and can't ever be. Over the last year or so, I've being talking to numerous women online through various different platforms, have talked and have done more than talked (nothing ever physical, purely through texting). Me and my wife have talked about it together multiple times, and after talking about it, there's usually a few weeks to a few months where there aren't any issues regarding it, I'm not reaching out to women and overall our relationship had begun getting better. Unfortunately not too long after that time period, I find myself falling back into it and it ends up just being an endless loop.
I don't want to just leave her, as I feel like that would hurt her more and lead her to think that I don't want to try and mend things and get help for it all. But at the same time I want what's best for her in the end. We've talked about therapy for me, however due to our financial situation, it is far out of reach.
Im honestly lost on how to handle the entire situation, I've apologized but I know that doesn't mean much of anything at this point in time. I love her and I want to mend things with here and get myself on a path that isn't going to just harm her.
Can anyone offer insight on what I can do or how I should go about the situation to get on a better path?
@azureRaspberries538
Hi there. I’d say take a look at why you feel the need to text these other women? You say it’s not because your relationship is any less intimate, so is it something deeper perhaps. You love your wife and don’t want to hurt her so it’s putting the work mind to address any issues.
I feel like it certainly has to be something deeper, but outside of therapy, which unfortunately is out of our reach financially, I'm not sure on how to go about fully finding out what would lead me to consistently pursue it.
Hi there!
I am in a parallel level similar situation as yours currently... Addressing issues having to do with yourself is like going up against yourself - thus can be tricky if not seemingly impossible... You want to be with your wife? To keep her happy you must first keep yourself happy. So do whatever it takes to find free therapy options and if need be, try them all!! I myself can't afford therapy currently so I explore as many free options as possible... It is not easy... The options are most likely scarce and scattered around... So pluck up courage and determination and make things work cause in the end if you won't do this for yourself be certain none other will ever will... You are already past the first step which is acknowledging the issue but if a second step won't follow, then you sure won't be moving forward...
Sincerely hope you sort it out for the both of you!
@azureRaspberries538
I think you know that you are getting something out of the conversations and texts. once you identify that you can work on it. as for therapy while a good therapist can help....... in the end most is about realizing not rationalizing why you do things. they are often asking things like what do you think? so we can ask ourselves that and we need to call BS when we rationalize.
I too have chatted with another person online .... what did i get out of it...
being heard and listened to often partners just take things for granted and do not really listen anymore.... this is often shown when they ask question about something i have already told them just recently.
This person online appreciated my opinions, my humor and my appearance even (we video chatted) ... while I realized my partner did not care about any of that ... do not even remember real complements from partner.
Feeling wanted / needed and appreciated is most likely the number one reason ... feeling alive again instead of same boring routine and the idea of someday we will reconnect. If we stop chatting we still want the playful banter the relaxing just talk about nothing .... but our partners have little or no interest and so we go back to chat.
Can we recreate that with our partner? Can we get them to have and show the same interest as our chat friends? Do we still want what we once did.
We can not change others only ourselves so .....can we live with the empty of fill it in other ways.
