@gecko1287
A second opinion, from a man...
What I wanted in my teens changed significantly as I got older. I'd admit I was very naive and not educated about women, especially dating them. So, I made (in my opinion) many avoidable mistakes had I had the appropriate guidance. Note: When guys try to wing it, much damage can ensue to everyone involved. That is why men really need a coach or guidance about women early on. It could help them tremendously navigate the shark-infested waters of dating.
I learned a lot about society and dating as I got older. What shocked me the most were the lessons I learned that NOBODY tells you.
Things like: Women can be master manipulators, and con artists, and regardless of what macho society tries to push as a public face, women are not dainty creatures that require male protection. I've met women who were far more abusive to men than the other way around, treating them like real trash - then later, women are absolutely confused and frustrated that men are so messed up - as if it's a complete mystery. Yes, it's the truth, I've met women who put men to shame when it comes to trickery, deception, and con games in the name of love, which includes using their body or intelligence (or both) to get what they want from him - all the while not caring the destruction she leaves behind her because when he's dried up and used, she's onto the next man. She has infinite possibilities too, as all she has to do is make ONE post and get 10,000 replies of eager men to take his place. ***, ***, and other apps only make this far easier.
Women should never be placed into a one-size-fits-all stereotype. What I did learn is that women are like snowflakes, all unique, BUT they can be placed in "buckets" yet, there are many different personality types. For example, Goth, Elite/aka Rich, Mental Issues, Religious, and many more, and you can even mix and match at times. Don't even give me grief about this, because I know women do this to each other. Many men tend to group women, but the huge mistake is stereotyping all women as being "x" or even women saying all men are "x" - because that is not only wrong, but factually inaccurate. Men are also different too, but alas usually more predictable overall.
In my life's journey, I've been floored, and I mean absolutely in shock at how bad women treat one another, including those that call each other friends - and usually over a man.
I digress, so personally, I want a beautiful woman, but she has to be beautiful inside too. I'm not interested if she has beauty but not brains. I'm not going to devote my life to someone who I can't enjoy a healthy, intelligent banter once in a while, but yet I also look for other things as I have a list. I use a qualifying list, "Must Haves" "Nice to Haves" "Deal Breakers". Some of my deal breakers are liars, con artists, drug users, alcoholics, serial cheaters, severe mental disorders, smokers, and even tattooed literally everywhere, including her forehead. An example of "Must Haves" includes intelligence, drive/ambition, hobbies she enjoys, a career, funny aka sense of humor, loving, and able to sustain a healthy relationship. I won't go into "Nice to Haves", as I think this is redundant.
I cannot speak for ALL men, but I can tell you, based on my conversation with male friends and years of dating experience, that a lot of men can be very picky, some not so much, and others take what they can get because they have their own issues.
I won't string her along if I'm not attracted to a woman. I'll tell her upfront. Not all men are brave enough to do that, sadly.
You said, "Social media, dating apps, and hookup culture definitely exacerbate men's misogynistic and objectifying treatment of women, and among guys my age, it has only worsened as I've gotten older."
This is absolutely a true statement, a sad reality, but you forgot one MAJOR issue. Pornography. It's a huge problem, accessible 24/7, skews men's view of women and relationships. When you add in the factor that social media has actually pushed us (as a society) further apart and caused us to be far more anti-social, along with a lack of relationship skills that we're simply not taught from a young age - well, there is a full recipe of why the dating scene is completely messed up, and *** certainly didn't help things either. COVID-19 didn't help people's ability to be social either, but this has been brewing long before COVID-19, so you cannot fully blame the disease.
Note that I'm not suggesting that all porn is bad. I'm saying that much like technology, responsibility comes with viewing it - and most men, sadly - believe what they think are true representations of women online - and they are far from reality.
You said, "I really hope that it's something they'll grow out of." -- Well, maybe. Maybe not. You will note as you get older that just because people graduated from Jr. High, they may still maintain the same mentality in adulthood. Many "adult children" are out there today that never really matured.
Nobody wants to be the second choice. What I tend to see in the dating market today is that people move way too fast to throw labels on what they share, they fail to really get to know one another, and they fail to understand that a relationship or marriage under it all is based on a strong foundation of friendship, and communication is a key part of that - which today, many people fail to truly be heard in a relationship or communicate what they want/need.
Based on your writing, I can see your pain in the dating market. I get it, and I understand why, because I know the selections you have to choose from, and it isn't pretty. The only advice I could give you is that you have to change the pond you're fishing in. You'll also have to establish standards and ensure you don't sway on deal breakers. You should be realistic and not seek perfection in a man, but do have standards and try not to yield too much from those as your gut will usually steer you right.
Friendship has to be number one, and getting to know someone can build love - *** cannot because the only thing *** encourages is hook-ups, to that app - we're all just a bunch of sex objects, poles, and receptacles - without a clue on how to bridge into a loving and nurturing relationship based on love and true mental connections. Please, spare me the responses about, "We met on ***, it's not just for hook-ups, and we're in loooooooove." Whatever. It's a hook-up app, and your overnight stay ended up being a regular thing, doesn't change what I said above.
I think that you have a very jaded and skewed view of men - but, I don't fault you for it. I can easily understand why you feel the way you do, but I'd ask that perhaps you take a huge step back and try not stereotype ALL men, because we're not all the same.