A man will only keep a women in his life if he's physically attracted
1) If a man doesn't find a woman attractive, he simply won't see a place for her in his life unless she has connections to a woman he does find attractive.
2) If he finds a woman somewhat attractive, he might pursue a friendship of some kind, or something very touch and go, and he'll keep her in his life in the off chance he can't do better than her, or for occasional emotional support/to inflate his ego.
3) Then, there's his relationship with the woman he just finds physically attractive. He will maintain private connections with a woman he's strongly physically attracted to, for sex, but if he doesn't think she's good enough to be associated with him for whatever reason, he won't pursue a public relationship, even though there is significant physical attraction.
4) With a woman he genuinely thinks is good enough for him, to be his romantic partner, ironically, he will refrain from asking her to sleep with him. Because men only sleep with women they are willing to lose. And he will be doing the most work to get her to choose him; initiating conversation, asking to see her, trying to be the person he thinks she'd want. Men don't ask questions to women because they're interested in our lives, they ask us questions when they think it will help position them as a potential partner to us.
I'm a 20 year old girl and I've had lots of interactions with men, but I've never come anywhere near a relationship. I hope I'm wrong and men are actually capable of the love I see in movies and tv, but time and time again I'm passed up for more attractive women and I've begun to see some repeat behaviors in the ways they treat me and other women. Social media, dating apps, and hookup culture definitely exacerbate men's misogynistic and objectifying treatment of women, and among guys my age it has only gotten worse as I've gotten older. I really hope that it's something they'll grow out of.
If I'm totally wrong about the ways these guys see women please tell me that. I want to be wrong. But I'm sick of having my heart broken by men who treat me exclusively like a maybe, like a second option.
@gecko1287 I think you're wrong. Yes there are woman that might be more physically attractive but for a lot of guys there needs to be more. Some of the most attractive people are often the most shallow. A relationship can't just be attraction physically or s*x. There should be common interests. Even guys need someone they can talk to -someone they can open up to. Someone they can trust with the softer side they might hide from their friends. There needs to be communication about anything and everything. Guys are alot more sensitive then they let on. Guys are taught that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. They've been taught to hide their vulnerabilities. Unfortunately some guys are misogynists and seem to think that women need to know their place. Its probably how they were raised. The men in their lives are like that - those men were taught by their fathers. It's a sad cycle. But I think that with love - if a man or a woman truly loves someone they see them as their equal. I think it's really hard right now because the whole COVID thing made alot of people selfish and think only of themselves - but that's just my thoughts
@gecko1287
A second opinion, from a man...
What I wanted in my teens changed significantly as I got older. I'd admit I was very naive and not educated about women, especially dating them. So, I made (in my opinion) many avoidable mistakes had I had the appropriate guidance. Note: When guys try to wing it, much damage can ensue to everyone involved. That is why men really need a coach or guidance about women early on. It could help them tremendously navigate the shark-infested waters of dating.
I learned a lot about society and dating as I got older. What shocked me the most were the lessons I learned that NOBODY tells you.
Things like: Women can be master manipulators, and con artists, and regardless of what macho society tries to push as a public face, women are not dainty creatures that require male protection. I've met women who were far more abusive to men than the other way around, treating them like real trash - then later, women are absolutely confused and frustrated that men are so messed up - as if it's a complete mystery. Yes, it's the truth, I've met women who put men to shame when it comes to trickery, deception, and con games in the name of love, which includes using their body or intelligence (or both) to get what they want from him - all the while not caring the destruction she leaves behind her because when he's dried up and used, she's onto the next man. She has infinite possibilities too, as all she has to do is make ONE post and get 10,000 replies of eager men to take his place. ***, ***, and other apps only make this far easier.
Women should never be placed into a one-size-fits-all stereotype. What I did learn is that women are like snowflakes, all unique, BUT they can be placed in "buckets" yet, there are many different personality types. For example, Goth, Elite/aka Rich, Mental Issues, Religious, and many more, and you can even mix and match at times. Don't even give me grief about this, because I know women do this to each other. Many men tend to group women, but the huge mistake is stereotyping all women as being "x" or even women saying all men are "x" - because that is not only wrong, but factually inaccurate. Men are also different too, but alas usually more predictable overall.
In my life's journey, I've been floored, and I mean absolutely in shock at how bad women treat one another, including those that call each other friends - and usually over a man.
I digress, so personally, I want a beautiful woman, but she has to be beautiful inside too. I'm not interested if she has beauty but not brains. I'm not going to devote my life to someone who I can't enjoy a healthy, intelligent banter once in a while, but yet I also look for other things as I have a list. I use a qualifying list, "Must Haves" "Nice to Haves" "Deal Breakers". Some of my deal breakers are liars, con artists, drug users, alcoholics, serial cheaters, severe mental disorders, smokers, and even tattooed literally everywhere, including her forehead. An example of "Must Haves" includes intelligence, drive/ambition, hobbies she enjoys, a career, funny aka sense of humor, loving, and able to sustain a healthy relationship. I won't go into "Nice to Haves", as I think this is redundant.
I cannot speak for ALL men, but I can tell you, based on my conversation with male friends and years of dating experience, that a lot of men can be very picky, some not so much, and others take what they can get because they have their own issues.
I won't string her along if I'm not attracted to a woman. I'll tell her upfront. Not all men are brave enough to do that, sadly.
You said, "Social media, dating apps, and hookup culture definitely exacerbate men's misogynistic and objectifying treatment of women, and among guys my age, it has only worsened as I've gotten older."
This is absolutely a true statement, a sad reality, but you forgot one MAJOR issue. Pornography. It's a huge problem, accessible 24/7, skews men's view of women and relationships. When you add in the factor that social media has actually pushed us (as a society) further apart and caused us to be far more anti-social, along with a lack of relationship skills that we're simply not taught from a young age - well, there is a full recipe of why the dating scene is completely messed up, and *** certainly didn't help things either. COVID-19 didn't help people's ability to be social either, but this has been brewing long before COVID-19, so you cannot fully blame the disease.
Note that I'm not suggesting that all porn is bad. I'm saying that much like technology, responsibility comes with viewing it - and most men, sadly - believe what they think are true representations of women online - and they are far from reality.
You said, "I really hope that it's something they'll grow out of." -- Well, maybe. Maybe not. You will note as you get older that just because people graduated from Jr. High, they may still maintain the same mentality in adulthood. Many "adult children" are out there today that never really matured.
Nobody wants to be the second choice. What I tend to see in the dating market today is that people move way too fast to throw labels on what they share, they fail to really get to know one another, and they fail to understand that a relationship or marriage under it all is based on a strong foundation of friendship, and communication is a key part of that - which today, many people fail to truly be heard in a relationship or communicate what they want/need.
Based on your writing, I can see your pain in the dating market. I get it, and I understand why, because I know the selections you have to choose from, and it isn't pretty. The only advice I could give you is that you have to change the pond you're fishing in. You'll also have to establish standards and ensure you don't sway on deal breakers. You should be realistic and not seek perfection in a man, but do have standards and try not to yield too much from those as your gut will usually steer you right.
Friendship has to be number one, and getting to know someone can build love - *** cannot because the only thing *** encourages is hook-ups, to that app - we're all just a bunch of sex objects, poles, and receptacles - without a clue on how to bridge into a loving and nurturing relationship based on love and true mental connections. Please, spare me the responses about, "We met on ***, it's not just for hook-ups, and we're in loooooooove." Whatever. It's a hook-up app, and your overnight stay ended up being a regular thing, doesn't change what I said above.
I think that you have a very jaded and skewed view of men - but, I don't fault you for it. I can easily understand why you feel the way you do, but I'd ask that perhaps you take a huge step back and try not stereotype ALL men, because we're not all the same.
@gecko1287,
the love you see in movies and on TV does not exist.
There is a reason it's called "Hollywood love".
Love is a verb. Love comes your way if you don't seek for it.
@dukeofdearham
I don't even think guys want that tbh realistically. Too dreamy big fish. Learn to not throw all eggs in one basket.
Not sues whyvaluedanyways. Lol amnesiaand just rolling with it.
I honestly not know.
I just not think. But bothers me. I justgo by calling . But thi k theh care about wshit I don't. X.x it's shoe closet scenario. I not know beer and fridge.
@redNorth8233
Ya I not know. I offended but can't think about it for some reason. I nor sure.shpukd I ask? They not want to tell probably. Male culture and shoe closets. 👞
@gecko1287
Eh...... waiting is good. Just wait. Distance good.and wait. Bites or no bites. Just wait. He talks u listen or don't listen. U just deals. Too much positive. Too wacky today. Make feel *** please..love job lovesick. And wait... waitwait.... the finger lies.
@gecko1287 haha
When you start comparing men from movies , just a note do also see the proffession of the man in the movie and the date movie was released , and do not compare him to men of different proffession and only then you will see similarity. And ignore the hero - its an exaggerated role.