Introduction to Maintaining Health and Wellness In Relationships

"3. What values are most important to you when maintaining health and wellness in a relationship?"

Understanding that people have their ups and downs.

Giving them space and ME time.

Having interest in them and their wellbeing.

TRUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Without trust everything around the relationship will fail!

1. Do you have any experiences with unhealthy relationships?
Yup! Plenty of them, unfortunately.

2. What about healthy ones?
Quite a few, but I feel like I've been in more unhealthy relationships than healthy, which is a huge indicator of how I seek out relationshipsin my opinion.

3. What values are most important to you when maintaining health and wellness in a relationship?
Communication and trust! If I don't feel like I can say whatever it is I need to say, then there's something wrong whether it's a personal issue or a problem with the relationship.

I also need my partner to be able to communicate with me. It's really frustrating when they don't because I have to try to pick things apart. My Ex wasvery distant andkept to himselfwhich bugs me a lot because I like to talk about my day or about random things like the fluffy dandelion I saw on the way to class. It's very hard to maintain a good relationship that way.

1. Unhealthy - yes, plenty of unhealthy relationships as well.

2. Healthy - fortunately, many healthy relationships too : ). I like it most when relationships that are unhealthy grow into healthy relationships. Have you all ready about attachment patterns yet? There is an interesting process called earned security.

3. Values - I like what all of you outlined above and think Eugene's point about providing other people space to be themselves is important. Martin Buber is a philosher I like that writes about being sure to treat others like humans and not like objects. Also, along these same lines, I like Erich Fromm's the Art of Loving. It suggests that learning to love - defined as extending yourself in service of another - is a skill that can be learned with practice like any other sort of skill. Very short and good book!

I'm just seeing this now and bringing it back up because I've gotten a fair number of chats that have to do with this.. and I think it's really useful for all of us as well!

1) Unhealthy relationships:

Yes, I've been in/been affected by unhealthy and dysfunctional relationships. These tend to be one-sided, abusive, and draining, yet it's the loyalty and hope behind these relationships that are what make them so difficult to end.

2) Healthy relationships:

Yes! Although I'd say the best relationships have come from ones in which there had been many problems that were resolved - the bonds just grow stronger. A lot of inside jokes can come from that too - humour is important! :)

Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between 1 and 2? how can you tell when a problem should be addressed further or left behind? I think it has to do with how much effort and sacrifice is offered by each individual involved? thoughts?

3) What values are most important to you when maintaining health and wellness in a relationship?

I agree with what everyone said before: trust, understanding, space, communication, values. To add to that, I think it's important to realize when relationships shift - just because the other person is no longer able to fill a certain role in your life doesn't mean that they can't be supportive in another way that is still meaningful. It's also helpful to recognize our own limitations and weaknesses, to accept them instead of hiding them from one another. Responsibility and honesty are also key - say what you mean and do what you say!

1. Do you have any experiences with unhealthy relationships?

Yes. I was in a relationship with a person I didn't trust, who delighted in starting conflicts over trivial things, and who held things over my head when I mentioned being unhappy. We also lived far enough apart that we couldn't see each other all the time, and whenever we'd talk on the phone he wouldn't stop gaming to talk to me. (Note: I don't have a problem with gaming at all [I play myself], but I do have a problem when you can't put down the game to do something else.)

2. What about healthy ones?

I am fortunate to be in a very healthy relationship right now and have been for the past five years. We are a very good match, personality- and interest-wise, and my partner is amazing and brilliant and respectful of me.We share duties around the house and responsibilities, we talk about good and bad things, we trust each other. We even have a joint bank account and 'meetings' about money and activities every couple of weeks. We're very much in love, pursue new interests together, and are understanding of each other's needs and wants.

3. What values are most important to you when maintaining health and wellness in a relationship?

Growing together! Pursuing new interests, both together and apart; making new friends together; traveling and seeing new things. Trust, of course, is supremely important (it has to be in place to do this growing). Communication is also key -- if you can't communicate with each other about your wants and needs (and about money, too, let's face it), you're in trouble.

It seems like trust and communication are two of the most important things to people! I have to agree with this, to be honest... being able to communicate how you're feeling and what you need can be some of the most important aspects of a relationship. And it's hard to communicate your emotions and needs when you don't trust each other.

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1. Do you have any experiences with unhealthy relationships? Yes. About three years ago I dated a woman a few times. There was always something odd about her, I took her to a party one time and she disappeared. I looked all over for her, found her on the other side of the room. I went over to talk to her, she disappeared again. Reappeared on the opposite side. I decided that she was afraid of me. Definately not healthy

2. What about healthy ones? Two. One, the woman I married. She was very unhealthy, but our relationship was very good. We had 30 years of hospital visits, and through it all our relationship was solid as a rock. She finally passed due to complications of her complications.

The second one is the one I am in. Nine years after my wife passed, I found myself gazing at a woman on a dating site, wishing I were good enough for her. She sent me a message, and we went out for dinner. Here we are, a year and a half later, living together. She loves me, I love her.

3. What values are most important to you when maintaining health and wellness in a relationship?

I have had experiences with unhealthy relationships in that I have been on the codependent side of relationships with narcissists where the narcissist was posturing as a friend but later would become distant in the friendship ... even to the point of ghosting me. Later, they'd come back and "breadcrumb" me ... that's tossing out a compliment on my character or apologizing for ghosting me to convince me to renew putting more effort into the friendship. However, what they say to breadcrumb or "butterbomb" me back into the relationship ends up being lies and they end up gaslighting me when I call them out on it so they try to make it sound like it's my fault that I'm getting upset at their behavior.

I also have some healthy relationships, including two very good friendships made right here on 7 Cups. These are with listeners that I originally began chatting with to discuss my social anxiety, depression, and unhealthy codependent relationships that I had previously been involved in (see above) ... and in time, we eventually also became friends and we support one another with our 1-1 chats, posts, and feed posts.

One of the most impportant aspects in maintaining healthy relationships is honest and empathetic communication. If you are having a conversation with someone and it begins staying into a topic that you're not comfortable discussing, for example, you need to tell them right away that you're not comfortable discussing the topic.