a struggle of familiarity vs. growth

@ValentineLove

I hear you ♡ I feel deeply connected with what youve written... and I think its safe to say Im in a very similar situation.

I was feeling the same way as you, just a month ago. Things still are so far from better for me, but I am actually feeling the tiniest bit of relief and confidence after months of hard work (mentally I mean).

I dont know what your situation is, but I highly recommend that you do everything you can to rebuild your trust in yourself and your own intuition. Journal, listen to good podcasts, read affirmations, get the Happify app!, spend time in nature, exercise more often, see a therapist (if you can afford one). And most importantly, tell yourself that its okay to be wherever you are. Change doesnt happen overnight and youre doing the best you can.

Anyway, those are some of the things Ive been doing. I am still in a very dark part of my journey, but because Ive been doing these things, I feel my confidence in myself (and my ability to make myself happy growing every day). Because of that, I finally know that Im going to be okay no matter what decision I make. I hope the same for you. Best of luck.

@scarletOwl3086 Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging reply. The issue with recovery and progress is the result of either isn't an instant thing and we often lose sight of why we began the journey in the first place.

I will definitely do what you have suggested as far as self-care goes. My life recently has felt like a constant juggling act, and sometimes self-care gets placed at the bottom of my priority list.

But I'm glad to hear you're seeing some positive changes in your life. Your story was an encouraging reminder that I desperately needed to hear, so thank you. I'll be cheering for you and your journey to happiness.

@ValentineLove

Thanks so much for your support. And, likewise.

I know what you mean about recovery and progress not being an instant thing. I honestly think thats the hardest part of all - waiting. Waiting to see if things will get better, waiting to see if your partner is improving, if your feelings change, etc.

Ive been waiting for over 7 months now. A slow, painful death. But the hint of true self-improvment is whats finally giving me hope (for myself). It is a much much needed relief from being tired and exhausted and confused all the time.

I spent January and February aggressively pursuing self-improvement and growth. It felt like nothing was working, like nothing was happening. I expressed this to my therapist. The feeling that, despite my best efforts, it felt like I was always treading water bc my partner was pulling me back down every time I took a positive step for myself. She reminded me that its okay - that Im doing the best I can and that it takes time.

The next week was the week I finally felt confidence in my own intuition and the knowledge that I can (and will) get better and more clear every day.

Anyway, I know that whatever time youre able to put towards yourself and your own personal improvement, it will help. Even if the effects are imperceptible at first. Sending you warm thoughts.