Why can't I move on?

@SailorSeahorse hey, it's fine to plan things and a long path with people you have already set up for a long time. It's good that you are aware that he was not emotionally stable, but you have to keep in mind that over the time it could have hurt you. I know you are already hurting BUT getting over someone takes time. I can't assure you that you are going to stop loving him tomorrow, next week or next month. Pain is not a straight line; there will be days where you are feeling your worst and other days you will be so happy that you don't even remember about his existence. Maybe you can't move on yet because he was a part of you. It's important to keep in mind that perhaps you will feel that he has a part of you for a long time, but eventually you will succeed.

@patientLion3831 thanks for your response. I know healing is not linear, I'm just so confused. I'm the one that left him, I feel like I should be relieved or happy or something but I'm not.

@SailorSeahorse

I haven't been in much relationships and out of the four that I would consider myself to have been in, three of them have massive insecurities issues and two of them wear a mask of I-am-attractive-and-can-get-any-girls-as-I-wish. Both of them were attracted to me for the same reasons as my friends become friends with me. I naturally give off a sense of acceptance and securities so they knew that even if they have flaws, I would love them as they are. But they both left me for the same reason - for another girl. One found me through our mutual gaming friend a year or two later and wanted to talk to me, nothing special, but just things in life that have been difficult. One just recently left but he is older and more responsible so he may know that it does more harm to come back than leave it be.

Anyway, both I had trouble getting over. Both were emotionally draining and controlling/manipulative. None of the two would one said it's healthy. But yet I struggled so much to let them go. I realised then, with my recent one, that it is a sense of responsibility. Of course I knew they could do life without me. But I also knew with the type of person they are, it would be awfully difficult for them to find someone whom they can trust to open up and can tolerate them. I felt the need to be there for them when they need.

I believe that would be similar to how you feel?

@insensateT7 yeah, I guess that's probably true.

@SailorSeahorse

How are you feeling now?

You so dodged a bullet. Perhaps literally. Is this the first relationship where you were yelled at, etc, for unrealistic reasons??

@barncat Hi, yes I've never experienced a person who could not control themselves. He never called me names or anything just yelled and said things like "do you think that was smart?" Condescending stuff.

@SailorSeahorse I literally had the same thoughts of "you dodged a bullet there"

When you miss him or find the break up tough, which you will, remind yourself of the bad behaviour he put you through... And imagine it escalating (with more stress, if you two were staying together or whatever)

Because it does not sound right at all that someone would be flying off the handle like that over nothing.

Definitely speaks of anger management issues, or lack thereof.

Take care of yourself.

@SailorSeahorse

Sailor, you are not crazy for doing what you did.

Honestly, break ups are the hardest; especially when you have been with that person over a year and was very serious about him. Moving on can be a challenge but not impossible.

I would suggest taking baby steps at first like doing something you always wanted to do but couldn't because of the relationship or time. Distract yourself from the thoughts of him and create thoughts that motivate you and help you see you can move on and you will. Remember, you deserve to be happy and comfortable in any relationship your in, and not always worried about saying/ doing whats right in his sees but doing whats right to you. :)

Oh and you will move on in time.

Might take 6 months. Might take a year. Maybe two.

But you'll get over him and meet someone who treats you better.

@SailorSeahorse

don't say yourself stupid , I can't move on when he asked for an breakup up in the middle of our relationship till last year he asked for an completely breakup I took it so hard that I self harmed please don't follow my footsteps . last year about on october I decided to deleted all his photos , I started to move on ... its an painful decision but I knew life has to carry on 😢 , its brave of you to seek advice sending God's blessings to you & your family . 🙏