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SailorSeahorse
287 M Embraced 2
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts34 Forum posts26 Forum upvotes26 Current upvotes26 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 26, 2020
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Heartbroken
35 & Over Community / by SailorSeahorse
Last post
 January 22nd, 2023
...See more I can't seem to stop making bad choices. I fell in love with a married man, he told me they were separated and getting divorced. It wasn't true. I feel sick with guilt for being a homewrecker. She learned about me and now all of our lives are on fire. I can't seem to find a healthy relationship to save my life. At 35 I should know better
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Self worth issues/ Shadow work advice
35 & Over Community / by SailorSeahorse
Last post
 January 21st, 2023
...See more Hi everyone, thanks for reading this. I'm struggling to understand why I consistently make poor life choices, not just in relationships, but career, living space, all of it. I feel like I missed something fundamental in life. I feel like all of my worth depends on what I can do for or offer someone. I know it's not healthy or normal and I don't know how to fix it. I have recently been the third party in some affairs with married men. I feel so badly and sick with remorse about it. I never wanted to be a homewrecker. Yes, I was lied to, but I feel like I should have seen it. I am missing too many red flags in life. Does anyone have any advice on how to do shadow work or learn to find worth in something other than being a utility? I have tried to get into therapy but it's so expensive and it seems like no one is available. No one ever calls me back.
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My only goal is to outlive my dogs
Depression Support / by SailorSeahorse
Last post
 December 7th, 2022
...See more Hi everyone. Thanks for reading this. I'm 35, female. I'm severely depressed and I don't know what to do about it anymore. I'm wait for insurance to (hopefully) approve TMS treatment, but I'm scared it won't work. Anyway. I spoke to an ex yesterday. He's someone who was very bad for me, he has anger issues and almost never said he loved me. But I was crazy in love with him. We broke up 2 years ago and I still love him. He has a new girlfriend now, of course. But I had a biopsy yesterday for skin cancer and it made me want to tell him that I still love him, and miss him. I don't want to be with him. He was not good to me. But it still crushed me to learn about his girlfriend. It doesn't help that I'm totally and utterly alone. I have a roommate, who is my asexual ex bf and coworker. But that's not a healthy relationship and that's literally all I've got. I've given up on the idea that I'll ever find love. But how do I stop the pain associated with unrequited love. There's got to be a healthy way to deal with it. I've been making poor choices lately. But I just don't feel like there's any point to life anymore.
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Tricked into a platonic relationship
Depression Support / by SailorSeahorse
Last post
 September 30th, 2022
...See more Okay, this is gonna sound crazy, but I feel like my "boyfriend" tricked me into a platonic relationship. Now we live together and I'm so lonely all the time and he doesn't understand why I call our relationship platonic and fake. We used to work together last year and we were friends. My family lived on the other side of the country and wanted me back home and I was offered a much higher paying job. So a month before I left the state my "bf" and I started dating. It was pretty normal at first! We were 34 and he was still a virgin so not exactly typical but there was romantic stuff going on. I moved back to my home state, and not a single family member came to visit me. So after 6 months I decided to move back across the country to be with my "bf" and I got my original job back. So now we live together and work together. We have separate rooms and live as roommates, he kisses the top of my head and that is the extent of anything romantic. This is not what I signed up for. I have asked him why he didn't tell me ahead of time, before I moved across the country, that he only wanted a platonic relationship because that's not something I want. He says he didn't know and that he feels very attached to me so he doesn't see it as a platonic relationship. I mean we're friends, but we basically have a roommate or even worse, a mother/son type relationship. All I do is cook and do laundry. I feel so so lonely and I feel trapped. I have no one to talk to, my own mother won't even call me back. I have no friends, no one to trust. I don't know what to do, or how I keep getting myself into bad relationships. I'm almost 35, so I'm never going to have a family. I feel hopeless.
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How do I stop being mad?
Relationship Stress / by SailorSeahorse
Last post
 May 9th, 2021
...See more I recently broke up with my boyfriend after he bailed on picking me up after I have surgery. I haven't had the surgery yet, the problem is I'm new in his state and don't know anyone else to ask for a ride. It's been on the calendar for months and it's all arranged with my job to have the time off and my ex decided to start a new job the day of my surgery. Instead of asking to change the day, or asking me if I could change the date of my surgery he just said he can't do it, period. I was shocked. This is on top of finding out he is taking another female on a vacation to Puerto Rico, but he can't even afford to have lunch with me. So I know I did the right thing, even if he is not cheating he still disappointed me on a regular basis. Broken promises, lies, bailing out on me all the time, not respecting my boundaries, all kinds of problems. But how do I stop being so angry? I'm mad at him, I'm mad at myself... I'm just enraged all the time about this.
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Why can't I move on?
Relationship Stress / by SailorSeahorse
Last post
 March 2nd, 2020
...See more Hi community, So I dated this guy for a year and I was stupid in love with him. Like crazy, head over heels, stupid in love. Well, we ended up breaking up because he had major insecurity issues and even after deciding to move in together he still had major issues. He would fly off the handle and scream and shout if there wasn't more than a quarter tank of gas in the car, or if I took a wrong turn or stole all the blankets in the middle of the night. Not the healthiest dude emotionally speaking. But I have an exceptional amount of patience so I over looked all of that. Anyway, we broke up over something stupid, luckily before we moved in together, and it has been 4 months of no contact. Well he texted me out of the blue last week. He said "how are you?". That's it! Nothing further even when I responded to him and asked why he had reached out and I even told him that I'm still in love with him. I'm not a complete idiot, I know logically that I probably dodged a bullet, but I just can't get over him. I can't imagine dating anyone else and for whatever reason I wanted to marry him. I think something is wrong with me.
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