Should I tell her
My girlfriend and I broke up in August. We didn’t talk for a couple months. I really missed her and I reached out and we started talking again in October. We didn’t get back together officially, but we were exclusive and basically together.
A couple weeks ago we had a big argument. She wouldn’t speak to me since then. I wrote out this big message, pouring my feelings out. I was going to send it late last night on Christmas.
She ended up sending me one first. She said a lot of things and ended it with basically this is the end and not to be too hard on myself we had a good run. There’s a lot more but I won’t go too deep into it. She seems like she’s in a really good place mentally and she seems happy.
I still love her to death. I don’t want it to end and I don’t want to lose her. I think she is the most amazing person in the world. And I was planning on telling her this, among many other things.
Now I’m not sure I should. She seems like she is taking it really well and ready to move on. I am not. Do I have the right to tell her this? Or should I let her be, since she seems happy. I don’t want to make her feel ***, but I don’t want to have any regret. I really have no idea what to do.
I think I would express yourself if only for closure. But frame it like, "I understand you are ending things and respect your decision. I just want you to know what's in my heart and leave the door open for you to respond if you want.....etc."
You clearly feel a need to express something positive to her. I don't think she will take it poorly if you frame it as above. And it may help you better accept the outcome. I'm sorry you're going through this.
@bubblewheel3543
I think it is better to have said what you wanted to then to talk down the road of would have or could have. Imo too many chicken out and never say their peace.
@bubblewheel354,
write the letter and do not send it.
She made it clear it's over and you have to respect that. Let it be.
@bubblewheel3543 tell her what you want to say, but be truthful, as in seeing something along the lines of “ I am not telling you this to make you feel bad or because I’m trying to change your mind about anything, but I want this to end with me getting everything off my chest and if anything just do me one last favor and hear me out for my own closure” and then explain exactly how you see her your last thoughts on it all and anything else on your mind. Try to keep it as short and sweet into the point as possible, though, don’t let it drag on like you’re trying to convince her of anything. Just straightforward truth of what’s on your mind so that it can serve as your own closure, but not overwhelm her or make it seem like you’re trying to change her mind
Interestingly I went through a similar thing very recently. But I'm the girl in this situation and even though I'm in a good place and we ended because I saw no future for us. I love him dearly and I want us both to move on and be happy. I know he loves me too and he's hurting more and missing me more.
Would I want him to reach out to me? And tell me he loves me and I'm the best thing that happened to him... Of course I would. But I also know it will mess me up. It will pull me in and eventually down the lane we will end up breaking up again. I don't want to peel the bandage off slowly I want to rip it off and not touch the wound lest it starts bleeding again.
I will always love him and cherish the memories I have of us. He was the best man I ever knew and our love was very special. But it just wasn't meant to be. I miss him every second but also I'm in a good space. I'm not crying my heart out, I'm not depressed. I just know it's time to move on. And I would hope that he respects our love enough to let me go.
I know he loves me, he doesn't need to write to me to tell me.
So from the girl's POV, I would say don't rock her boat. She's going through a lot too. Don't think she doesn't know, or that she doesn't cherish what you had. She does! It's just time!
I truly hope and wish you heal from this. Sending best wishes!
@bubblewheel3543
I get that you want to reach out, but it might be worth taking a moment to think it through. Ask yourself what you really want from this. Are you looking for closure, resolution, or something else? Be honest with yourself here. Reacting in the heat of the moment often leads to regret—something you mentioned you'd like to avoid. Accepting the reality of your situation in its entirety and respecting your ex's decision is a solid start. Give yourself the time and space to navigate this thoughtfully.
