Question about what a relationship is

@QuietMuse - May I ask why you're uncomfortable with sex?

@Ttb0314 I've been sexually harassed in the past and I just don't feel comfortable with it, I don't want lust or anything

@QuietMuse - I'm sorry for your traumatic experience.

For me, sex is the ultimate intimacy. There's nothing more intimate than 2 naked bodies entwined (with the right person, anyway.) In my opinion, you connect with that person on a deeper level. Emotionally and mentally. I couldn't have a relationship if sex was not apart of it, personally.

Sure, you can have a relationship without sex. As long as both parties are comfortable with it. But I view that more as a friendship? If you want just a meaningful conversation with someone and none of the romance part, maybe try looking for a friend that you can connect deeply with?

Due to your past experience, I wonder if you've talked to anyone about it? Sexual harassment/abuse situations take a toll on someone emotionally and mentally. A lot of the time, self-image and self-worth gets compromised but it helps to talk to someone (free of judgment.) Just know that none of it is your fault. People who are out to hurt others are going to hurt others regardless of what YOU do. And I'm so sorry to hear that you were a victim.

I don't necessarily know what exactly happened when your ex touched you. I'm not sure if he did it without warning or maybe you felt comfortable at that time and let him? But no one should cross that line that causes someone to be uncomfortable. It's a big no no and if he intentionally did it knowing you were uncomfortable, I'm glad he's not in your life anymore.

@Ttb0314 I definitely agree with this point....to me, a relationship without sex seems more like an incredible friendship. Obviously there's nothing wrong with that though, but i do think you just might not be ready to have a relationship. based on what has happened to you in the past, i think you just need more time to heal from your trauma and there is nothing wrong with that.

@powerfulJet1790 Thank you for your insight and yeah I think I'm not ready for a relationship especially because after this experience I think high school is far too early to be in a relationship but I really hope I'll be able to find/meet the right person someday. I really appreciate your response and I hope you have an awesome day

@Ttb0314 Thank you so much for giving me your perspective on my situation and yeah after reading your response I really feel like I'm just looking for a deep friendship with someone that will stay since most of my friends come and go. Or a partner that would be willing to be with me despite the absence of sex. Thank you for your response and I hope you have an awesome day

@QuietMuse

Hey there, Thank you for posting your situation, I would like point out some things.

My boyfriend broke up with me last week because I don't ever want to have sex and the only way I would want kids is through adoption. (If he breakup with you for this reason, then obviously I could tell that he tried to force things here and there when it comes to this. I could also tell that you didn't feel entirely comfortable and safe with him, and didn't feel heard and understood by him) The breakup hurt me tremendously and I been waking up really exhausted and I've been getting chest pains from anxiety, and I decided to talk to my school counselor about it. (Oh most people will go through this after a breakup, what's going on here is that you are going through tremedeous separation anxiety, so it'll have symptoms like anxiety, panic attacks, diahrea, chest pains, appettite reducing etc.) There was one point in the relationship when he touched my boob and I wasn't okay with that. He apologized later on but I don't want a sexual relationship at all (That was very inappropiate of him to do, he should have been affectionate, loving, caring and charming before even attempting what he just did, so it made you feel uncomfortable the way he did it. He pretty much tried to force things because of his insecurities)., I want a spiritual relationship where I know the other person will stand by me no matter what. (It's perfectly normal to want this kind of relationship, it just requires the guy to make you feel comfortable and safe, make you feel heard and understood throughout this as well. If a person wants to be with you then they should respect your decision to want this kind of relationship) But the counselor told me maybe I'm just not ready for a relationship since she said boyfriends and girlfriends normally do that with each other. Is that really true? (The school counselor doesn't know what he/she is talking about. He/She doesn't understand how relationship works. Intimacy will only happen if both people feel comfortable and safe with one another. Safety and trust are two of the most important thing on a relationship. Now if traumatic things from the past happened regarding intimacy then more than likely it will cause you to not want it, or feel afraid of it). I don't mind holding hands and cuddling but I honestly want to believe that sex/sexual touching doesn't have to be a part of a relationship because I really don't want that. (It's perfectly normal you would want this, there's nothing wrong with wanting this at all. You shouldn't feel ashamed or bad for wanting this) I'm honestly not sure what to think but thank you for reading and I could really use someone's opinion/perspective on this

@freshLight64 Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it and I hope you're doing alright. But I just have one question though: it is possible that a relationship can exist without sex? I honestly hope it is possible but I really don't know

@QuietMuse

Hey there, I hope you are doing well too. Well it's possible, but it only depends on the partner you chose, if this is something that he is willing to do. I think that the guy you should be with is someone who has confidence, comes from a loving family, sure of himself, strong, charming, sweet. loving and patient to help you feel heard, understood, comfortable and safe.

@freshLight64 Thank you so much and I hope you have an awesome day

I moved your post to the Break Ups and Divorce section.