The flower meadow was in full bloom. The daisies were popping up and giving the meadow a yellow life. The poppies were randomly plotted around in clusters, like little families in a neighbourhood. The rocks were covered in frog green moss, attached like best friends. The blue bells were swaying in the wind, and I half hoped one would ring like a real bell. The buttercups were shining like gold and were waiting to be picked. The snowdrops were hanging in the wind, and if I didn't know better I would have thought they were sad and needed cheering up. A hare popped up out of its burrow and dashed to munch on one of the buttercups. I sat down to make a Daisy chain like in elementary school and scout for four leaved clovers. Oh how nice, the wind smelled like sweet flowers.

[Trigger warning, suicide]

I've been wondering for a long hours now

Why I'm sitting here in a corner of a room

Looking at myself on that bed

Void of any breath or a tiniest pulse

O...that's right, I was dead...

I wonder what they will do with that lifeless body of mine

Will they just buried me with black clothes that probably not my ideal size

Holding the rosary that isn't my usual praying beads( as if I ever even pray)

In a coffin with design that isn't suit to my liking?

I wonder who will come to my funeral

Will it only be the relative of my parents whom I rarely spoken to

Will my friends even come to pay me a last respect

Or will they just texting among them with my death as topic

Heck, will they even know I'm dead?

I wonder what kind of words everyone will say about me

What kind of nice but nonsense words they will say out of formality

What kind of graceful but empty words the priest will say

What kind of honest words will everyone say when they barely even know me

I wonder where they will buried my remain

Will they put some decoration or just a plain wooden cross with my name

Who will even visit my grave

Will they bring flowers or at least offering some prayers

How long will they even remember me

I wonder if they really know my dying last words

If they really know my true dreams and ambition

If they really understand my inner feeling

Do they really even know me as I am aside my name?

Well then, I guess that isn't important anymore

As now I'm waiting for someone to pick me up

I wonder which side will pick me

The happily ever after of heaven

Or the everlasting fire of hell

Because the last sensation I felt while being alive

Is the choking at my neck and me gasping for air

I must be very good at tying knot then

At least I have something to be proud about.

You

Scream

For pain
For passion
For people
For problems

For you
For me
For us
For them

For future
For past
For now
For that

Scream for our true colors

So embarrassed to share my Spoken Word Poetry here. But here it is:

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1LcVqVrcOLl

"In the shades of night, past will be there to make you feel lonely again, it will bring all the moment and things you want to forget. You will feel like you are only sinner. And the forsaken one. But over come that you will be someone new."- thenomad007

The Dragon

A few years ago I dreamt about being popular
Gaining friends
Being pretty
I dreamt about when I would be the cutest girl in school when I grew up
Great clothes
Nice people

A few years ago..I met a dragon
He told me he was my only friend
My only thought
My only reason to live
He told me I was hated
I was ugly
I was different
The dragon told me I didn't belong in this world
That I wasn't wanted
Needed
Loved
The dragon told me I hated myself
He told me I thought I was just another problem
That I was never loved
The dragon became my only friend
The dragon became my only hope
The dragon became..my life

In a few years I dream of coming home from work
Kissing my love
Holding my child
I dream of having a family
Friends
A life to call my own
I dream to become what I want to be
What I always have
What I always needed

In a few years I'll hold up my sword
The one I got from the dragon
The one I could never use
I'll hold it up like I never had
I'll make it to where the dragon can never hurt me again
I'll conquer it and leave it sprayed across my life
In bits and pieces
Little slices of hardships
In a few years I'll look back at what i was
Broken
Afraid
In a few years I'll look back at the dragons body
The dragon that nearly killed me
The dragon I didn't fear anymore
The dragon I survived

Conversations with the Heart - A Poem to Myself

Every little detail adds up.

Like puzzle pieces Put together

For a bigger picture to be seen,

That'll last you now and forever.

Every fall to the ground

Every stumble across the way

Will all make sense maybe not now

Some other fine day.

Every slash across the heart,

Every rip within your mind

Could very well be

Your very reason to shine.

So hold your ground

And dig deep within,

You're losing now,

But baby, someday you're bound to win.

Set your gaze up high

The pain you bear, no body knows

You've got a story to tell

'Bout how your journey goes.

Your every struggle

And painful stops you've had

Put you where you are now,

A magnificent and glorious path.

So take pride in your courage

And the will to fight it all

Not many make it through

Not many can still stand tall.

Thrown away heart

I saw it laying

Peace for peace

On the dirty floor

Full of scars

It has be trampled on

It was ripped apart

Not a signal of life

It was handled careless

Overflow with dripping blood

That must have been the tears

For the thing you known as heart

She was standing in front of me

It was me

A hole in my chest

Showing where the thing has come from

On my knees I fell

Dying in my own tears of blood

Loved or not??

They say that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all but what if you never had enough courage to take that first step, that first fall? Would it even be worth it at all?