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astuteScorpius
5,435 M Moving Along
PathStep 56 Compassion hearts164 Forum posts334 Forum upvotes470 Current upvotes470 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2020 Member sinceSeptember 16, 2014
Recent forum posts
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Never Going to get Ahead
Depression Support / by astuteScorpius
Last post
 October 26th, 2018
...See more It finally looked like I was going to have a chance to get some od my debts paid off and now my car needs a bunch of stuff repaired. So I'm going to have to borrow back on a loan I almost had paid off in order to get that fixed. I'm never going to get my top surgery at this rate. I'm so fucking done with life getting in the way of everything. I'm so fucking hopeless.
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Rock and a hard place. Could use some advice.
Trauma Support / by astuteScorpius
Last post
 June 26th, 2018
...See more My grandmother was my mother figure as well as my primary source of trauma and a lot of the maladaptive coping mechanisms, triggers, and ill thought processes that I have. She's been in ailing health recently and we're not sure how much longer she's going to be alive.. But I don't know if I could bring myself to attend her funeral. She had a stroke recently that brought her from the tough, bitter woman I grew up with to a meek, quiet little woman and trying to talk to her on the phone I couldn't manage for more than five minutes before needing to hang up and burst into tears. Some people say I don't need to forgive her. Others say there's no point in holding onto the anger and grudge. She took care of me, so I feel ingrateful for even daring to think about this, but she was also the source of a ton of pain and trauma. I simultaneously worry about regretting going as well as regretting not going.. Any thoughts?
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No Such Thing (As a "Weird" Trigger)
Trauma Support / by astuteScorpius
Last post
 September 26th, 2019
...See more This is something that I've seen people talk about over the years of my healing journey is that others (and myself) feel bad for having 'weird' triggers. One thing I've come to realize is there's no such thing as a 'weird' trigger. It might seem odd or even harmless to someone on the outside but it still relates to something very real and painful to you. Some I've noticed for myself are: Highlighting word searches (when in the ER for suicide evaluations I was allowed my word search book but no pens or pencils so they gave me a highlighter to use. I can only use highlighters on my word searches under those circumstances) The phrase "life's a b***h/life sucks and then you die" was used by my abuser a LOT. It's unfortunately a common sentiment and a phrase used pretty liberally by the older generations. Feel free to add your stories as well (Edited by Teen Forum Star @Emily619 for language)
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Burning out, Can't Stop
Depression Support / by astuteScorpius
Last post
 May 28th, 2018
...See more I'm constantly going. Runnign errands or going to appointments before work, going to work, sometimes working my per diem job (driving Uber) after until the wee hours of the morning just to get up and do it all over again. I have my 2 allotted days off a week if I'm not picking up overtime and sometimes I'm running errands on those days too. When I'm not, I can't stop. I get jittery, I get anxious. I feel like I should be doing SOMETHING. I'm not comfortable just sitting around. I start to feel guilty. I try to make jewelry but I'm uninspired and then I get annoyed and give up. I try to play a video game but I can't focus long enough or can't even get myself to start because just choosing a game or trying to figure out what mood I'm in is just too overwhelming. There's nights I go drive Uber just to get out and do something just to try and spend the anxious energy. I'll go for a walk around the block or to the corner store just to give myself an errand or purpose. How do you stop when all you do is go?
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Marie's Room - Free Steam title, powerful and beautiful
Hobby Zone / by astuteScorpius
Last post
 May 18th, 2018
...See more So I was browsing the free games in Steam to see what Indie titles might be worth an afternoon play and I found this one called "Marie's Room" that tells the story of a woman going back through her childhood best friend's bedroom and reliving the memories they had together. Both good and bad. The story is powerful, the music is soothing, and the graphics are great. The story definitely did not end like I expected it to but it left me rather emotional regardless. Only takes about an hour or so depending on how long it takes you to find all the memory items. The last one was hidden in a stupid spot I never thought to look and I still clocked in around 50 minutes of playtime. GREAT game, highly recommend and I look forward to more of this studio's work.
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