What is something you wish someone would say to you genuinely?
That they will be there for me through the good & bad times and its is ok to lean on me if you need too ,as people have their own lives and also ask. how are you doing but some feel they can't as when you say your emotional & a bit lost , they find it hard to help you and I found I then push them away because I feel I burden them ..
@lovelyWords13
that must be quite difficult and I'm sorry you have to go through bad things alone. I really hope you find what you're looking for <3
I’m so sorry that you are feeling the added pain of being a burden and abandoned. It’s not personal towards you. It’s directed towards the misfortunes you faced and face. People don’t like to keep revisiting a cause that’s not going to improve with their efforts
@Tamy4210 That they understand how I feel, that they will be there for me when I'm good and bad. That they feel they can also rely on me to be a good friend. That they will never leave me, they will always be there for me, that I am important and matter to them. That I am okay as I am and they don't mind doing the extra work to be my friend.
A lot of this feels unreasonable, but it's what I want to hear. I feel like such a burden a lot of the time, I just want to know people don't mind me as I am. But I always lose people or push them away
@lightRaspberries2530
None of this is unreasonable, not even a bit. You deserve someone who treats you exactly how you want to be treated and there is nothing wrong with that. Even though you feel like it, you are not a burden, trust me. You are okay just as you are. You are an amazing, good person and im glad you exist<3
@Tamy4210 Thank you for your kind reply -- it means a lot 
I feel ur every word 🧡
What they actually feel and mean it... my paranoid mind makes me question everything and for once I wish I could just believe what a person was saying to me
@djhoneygrahams
Yeah, like it would be kind of nice to have a truth serum and know for sure that someone's words are trustworthy. :)
That they can believe I'm sorry for breaking their boundaries even when I repeatedly break them. I do have the desire to respect their boundaries and change and never want to hurt them, sincerely. As opposed to receiving the silent treatment or not trusting my apology.
I know actions speak louder than words but, man, that feeling when I try and make progress and then I mess up again.
@munchiegoosie
That makes sense. You're really trying, you do feel badly if you hurt someone, you don't want to hurt anyone, it hurts you to hurt people, and it would feel really validating for people to understand that.
***
I had a situation in the past where a friend was disrespecting my boundaries in a certain way, and I felt like I was able to resolve it pretty well by discussing it with him and reaching an agreement with him of what I would do in response if that did happen.
Sort of like, "Hey I don't like it when you do that and I feel like I need a way of protecting myself. It would be great if you were perfect, but realistically I don't expect that. It's okay if you mess up and it doesn't make you a horrible person. It just means you're doing something I don't like that hurts me. Of course I care about myself, I want to protect myself, and realistically I need to plan around the possibility you're going to do the thing I don't like and figure out a course of action for what I can do if and when you do mess up occasionally. I'm thinking this is what I'll do in response if you do that thing I don't like. Let me know if that feels okay/reasonable." And he was fine with that.
So we were able to come to a mutual understanding where there were clear expectations. He did continue messing up every so often, but the situation felt simpler and less threatening. I felt safer and less scared/angry knowing that I had a plan of action to protect me. And I'd imagine he felt safer knowing exactly what to expect from me if he did mess up and that my response was limited, predictable, and not motivated by vengeance. He did end up gradually being able to change his actions over time.
That it is not my fault. That they are not afraid of me and that I do not bother them. To ask my about my symptoms and how are they triggered so that they can help me go through it without too much damage.
I wouldn't want for them to excuse my actions bacause of BPD, but to tell me if something if not okay and that we can work on that together.
@marineb4et
That sounds like it would be amazing. Just working together and trying to collaborate to come up with a shared plan that works for everyone.
Like, "I know you're experiencing this and I know that sometimes you have certain things that trigger you. Is there anything I can do to minimize that? Or anything else I can do that would feel helpful when you're having symptoms? Similarly, if you do something that I don't like, how would you like for me to handle that?"
Everything, every word. I wish people didn't have a filter, then I could trust every word they say.
@brownpaperplanes
Yeah, it would be really nice to feel like people are honest and that there isn't anything hidden to worry about.
That I am everything they wanted. That they loved me with all their heart. That they would always be there.
@Pandigal
That sounds like it would be really beautiful--feeling like there is someone dependable who really cares for you and appreciates everything about you. 💜
I just wish to hear that it isn't my fault and that the blame is not just my burden, or to hear that my problems are not a burden.
@Deconstruct
Yeah, just being able to share things you're feeling without having someone feel burdened or try to point the finger at you and say, "Those problems are your fault". Both are frustrating and exhausting. 💜 Feel free to schedule a chat with me if you ever want an ear.
@Tamy4210
That they understood what I was going through, and that I was a good person, somebody who they cared about, that they were there for me, always. My paranoid self can't truly believe anything when anybody says things like that, and it would be wonderful to be certain that whatever this person says is the absolute truth
@ahhhhelpimalive
For sure--that would be nice to have some kind of reliable/trustworthy evidence that someone actually means it if they say nice things. And being able to trust they're not going to turn around and reject you at some later time.
("Hey... I know I said I liked you and accepted you, but now that I've gotten to know you a bit better I actually changed my mind. So, just forget I ever said that, alright?" 😉)
99% no matter how deep a friendship or relationship is, will put you out of their thoughts as soon as there’s anything or anyone better or you have stress and they don’t want the hassle
This has only made me a more committed and loyal person to others even those who are trying to hurt me lately . Now hurt my sons … that means war!!!
@kindTurtle3738
Yeah, like if absolutely everybody has been negligent and that feels horrible, it creates this feeling of, "I don't want to make the people *I* care about feel that way, like they've been abandoned."
Sort of connects back to that thread you created where you were talking about empathy arising from suffering. 😊
