The "causes" of BPD
*Edited by @blithesun94 for font size at author's request*
Hi everyone. I looked around and didn't see a post similar to this, so I hope it hasn't been done before. *Trigger warning for mentions of childhood abuse, violence and rape*
I was thinking back to my own diagnosis of BPD and it got me thinking about the information packet I had been given that listed possible "causes" of the disorder.
"Personality forms during childhood. it's shaped by both inherited tendencies and environmental factors, or your experiences during childhood. Some factors related to personality development can increase your risk of developing borderline personality disorder. These include:
- Hereditary predisposition. You may be at a higher risk if a close family member - a mother, father or sibling - has the disorder.
- Childhood abuse. Many people with the disorder report being sexually or physically abused during childhood.
-Neglect. Some people with the disorder describe severe deprivation, neglect and abandonment during childhood.
Although the causes of BPD is unknown, both environmental and genetic factors are thought to play a role in predisposing patients to BPD symptoms and traits. Studies show that many, but not all individuals with BPD report a history of abuse, neglect, or separation as young children. BPD may result from a combination of individual vulnerability to environmental stress, neglect or abuse as young children and a series of events that trigger the onset of the disorder as young adults. Adults with BPD are also considerably more likely to be the victim of violence, including rape and other crimes. This may result from harmful environments as well as impulsivity and poor judgment in choosing partners and lifestyles.".
Personally, I see a lot of myself in this. I was sexually abused as a young child ( a detail I only came to remember around 15 years later during my first inpatient stay), as well as living in an unstable and abusive household until my preteens. My mother and her boyfriend were addicted to meth, causing most of my psychological and emotional needs to rarely be met. When I was between five and six years old, my moms mother passed away and she, in her own terms, "freaked out", dropped me and my siblings off at my grandfather and aunts house and left with her boyfriend to New Jersey while we were all at school, without so much as a note or a phone call for months.
I had already struggled with how much my moms decisions had effected my life, learning that this disorder, a thing I struggle with daily, could be linked back to her behaviors, was hard for me to overcome. My mother is thankfully now ten years sober and one of my best friends and sources of support, a fact I am truly beyond words grateful for, but some days I can't help but think, while I know being an addict is never easy, she kind of got to "walk away" from that life so to speak, while I still carry the physical and emotional scars caused by my childhood daily.
I would love to hear everyone's opinions on this, whether you relate, how you cope, or anything else you feel like sharing.
Wow everyone sorry. I'm clearly still figuring how posting works and I didn't mean to make the text so large! :/
@Sweetteaa
I can fix that for you. :) The headings can be found under the "normal" tab when creating a new post. Hope this helps!
I suffer from BPD as well and can relate to much of your text. I feel so alone battling this disease. I praise your strength and honesty. If you ever want to text me please do. It is so hard finding someone to understand what I live with. Thank you again
I've always thought that borderline personality disorder goes hand in hand with the fearful avoidant attachment style.
From PsychCentral - specific symptoms of bpd
*Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
*A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
*Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self
*Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
*Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
*Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
*Chronic feelings of emptiness
*Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
*Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms
A quick note - many people with bpd redirect the anger inwards and when they do express anger it's not in a violent way.
The worst thing to someone with bpd in my opinion is to act hot and cold. The inconsistency fuels the bpd person's belief that there is no safe space, and that they are the one ones at fault for causing someone to turn cold.
It makes sense to me that the majority of those with bpd have a history of abuse, neglet, or separation as young children. Children have not yet developed an attachment style and rely on their caretakers for a sense of safety and security. Caretakers who are unable to provide that can cause incredible damage to children.
slitheSun94 shared this forum post on how mother's spread bpd to their children that was eye-opening for me. A mother with bpd may act hot and cold towards her child, causing the child to grow up in an unstable environment. Here is the link
Here is another one - a personal story from blithe.
@AdVictoriam Your point about hot and cold and inconsistency in relationships is spot on for me. I have a lot of the biggest symptoms of BPD and abandonment issues is part of it and that plays a lot into this for me as well. My therapist currently is kind of amusedly surprised at how much I dwell on changing relationships. I've recently been discussing about how all my interactions with someone haven't been all positive and that I'm left feeling lost and confused at what to think and how he feels about me and all the reassurance from people saying that he does like me doesn't help me at all about it. I still spend so much time in the day trying to figure out if I annoy him or if I amuse him or whatnot. And like said guy that I'm not sure if he likes me or not, when I see him it's sporadically, only every few months, and for a few minutes at a time and there's so much going on that I don't know if a reason he's upset is because of me or because of something that happened prior and it just leaves me confused. And my therapist just doesn't quite see why I make such a big deal of it, but my whole life has consisted of people I thought loved me leaving me and I have such trust issues with relationships and with other people now that unless every interaction I have with someone is positive, even if you're my closest friend, I'm going to assume that you hate me and are tired of me. It makes dealing with people so difficult sometimes. And some times I just want to run up to said guy and just be like Do you want to be my friend or not because there are too many mixed signals for my own good here.
This is a hard subject
WOW!
What thorough insights and personal inventories. Thank you for sharing this with our community. It is very much my style to do research leading up to an informative thread which I can see you did here on a very important topic. I appreciate the level of thought and effort you put into this.
It is often understood that BPD springs from genetic predisposition and the environment. I myself have a long lineage of substance abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and mental illness in my family- which in and of itself can lead to a tumultuous environment for any child. It is consistent that most individuals lacking psychological integrity report some form of trauma. What is also amazing is our brain's coping mechanisms for these circumstances. Things like dissociation are a survival response in the face of abuse or neglect. In some ways, our minds do try to protect us from these. Unfortunately, however, there is often a fragmented backlash along the way.
I love that you listed possible causation here because BPD is SO misunderstood. Even within the community it is considered a "waste basket" diagnosis with a not-too-bright prognosis. On the other hand, because it is behavioral and environmental we can and do recover from this fight-or-flight way of thinking through love, support, compassion, education, and therapeutic approaches. The symptoms of BPD are extremely specific, in my opinion, and are responsible for something like 90% of in patient populations.
Knowing the events in our lives that triggered our dysregulated outcome can be very useful in understanding why we think and behave the way we do, and what we can do to better our outcomes. I've often thought of BPD as a "stunted emotional growth", which at first made me angry, but now it makes sense. If your most basic needs are not met, you can not mature in other areas of your life which often results in the all-or-nothing thinking, temperamental rage, fears of abandonment, and poor coping skills.
Thank you again, for pouring so much heart into your story and citing some of my other posts for on-going support.
Do not be dismayed, frightened, or discouraged. Please continue to share.
I'll try to keep this post short!
Trigger warning for sexual abuse, emotional abuse, self-harm, and suicide
I've come to realize I have BPD about a year ago through self-diagnosis. Due to my abusive family I can't get an actual diagnosis yet since I still rely on their money and insurance while I'm in college. I think it's mainly my mother's abuse that has caused my BPD.
As a child, she showered me far beyond the normal age for children: until I was about 10 or 11. I developed early (but stopped developing early as well) and she would make comments about my breasts that made me very uncomfortable, but she was my mother, so I didn't know to vocalize my discomfort. She also was upset when during puberty I didn't want her to see me naked and claimed I didn't love her.
Her abuse went from sexual to emotional when I was a teenager. She never was supportive of my sexuality (I came out to her as bisexual first, then as a lesbian, and she was annoyed that I wasn't straight) and didn't take my claims that I had depression seriously until she STOLE MY PHONE AND LOOKED THROUGH IT and read PRIVATE text messages to a friend of mine that I was cutting myself. I was put on anxiety medication after that, but she blamed me for my mental illness. When I later came out to her as transgender (non-binary) she was annoyed as well, and to this day refuses to call me by my preferred name or by he/him pronouns.
I have no doubt that all of this has caused my BPD, and it scares me a bit to know just how much one woman has ruined my life and caused personality disorders in her own child.
@ghostprincen
What a wonderful share. Thank you for so much heart and honesty. I am so glad you feel safe enough to disclose such personal information about yourself. There are few things worse than an invasion of privacy and on-going abuse.
Your story is heartbreaking but also inspiring. You demonstrate despite an incredible amount of hardship that we might still find ourselves along the way. I hope you continue to grow in your journey and find support here.
I'm so very confused. I've had chronic series soon for over twenty years, and not managed really well. Two years ago I had a hospital stay and as my psychiatrist passes away I was put on a new young psyches caseload. After three visits she told me I had BPD and handed me a copied sheet of paper to read. Nothing else was said or mentioned again as she left and I was again w/o a dr
Now just in Sept I realized that I had suppressed that diagnosis and told no one but my bff who disagreed w the diagnosis. She's a lifecoach,, so she has knowledge.
Coming to 7cups is when I saw a forum and "recalled" that diagnosis I have been more and more rocked by the diagnosis. Why didn't someone say this to me fifteen years Ago? How long has this illness been around. There are a lot of triggers for me in this diagnosis, and along w everything else I'm not handling this with Grace...thanx for listening....baZ😎
@baZzchik54
I understand how overwhelming it can all feel. Especially if you feel like you're not receiving the support you feel you need. I've been wanting to check into a bed myself recently for a "rest" and accurate modification of my medication. I am sorry you were handed this information and then left behind by your caregivers, but remain grateful that we can offer this community to you. I encourage you to continue sharing and seeking help outside of 7 Cups to regain some control and begin a plan of action for treatment.
Please share here anytime.
@blitheSun94
thank you so much for your encouragement....baZ😎
@baZzchik54
Anytime. 😊
Fits my case too
Trigger warning for abuse, self harm, divorce and rape.
I was diagnosed 3 years ago with bpd along with some other disorders. For as long as i can remember, i have dealt with unstable relationships, emotions and the like. My father left when i was 2 years old and i remember grabbing ahold of his leg and crying asking him to not go. I couldn't understand why he was leaving, and still to this day i hold a lot of resentment towards him for it. My mother was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive. Many times she would lash out at me when she was angry for whatever reason, and would end up physically abusing me. My younger brother never got any abuse (and i am thankful for that), but i always referred to him as the golden child of the family because he could never do anything wrong in my mothers eyes. My mother had eventually gotten into a few relationships after the divorce, all of which were with unstable men. Her last boyfriend was controlling, physically abusive, and had raped me when i was 15 years old. I eventually confronted her about it and she said i was lying and that he wouldn't do that. Many times i would see them fighting, most of them were screaming matches, a few were physical. I was not allowed to express how i felt because to her, it was a sign of weakness. She would call me names, wish me dead, among other things. I eventually moved out when i was 18 and got married to an abusive male, who at that time wasn't abusive until we got married. I was not allowed to see my family, i was not allowed to talk to any friends, and i had to send pictures as proof of where i was if i did leave. I eventually left him and hid out with my daughter at a location that he didn't know. He had threatened my brother to tell him where we were, or he would hurt him, so my brother told him. I moved back in with my mom as a last resort where he showed up and assaulted myself, my mom, and my daughter. I pressed charges and he was arrested. Since all of that i have major trust issues, i deal with paranoia, unstable relationships and friendships, and severe anxiety. I have been in and out of therapy over the past 3 years, which helped some, but most of the doctors gave up on me because of my constant trauma. I have been in at least three controlling relationships, and currently trying to salvage what is left of a 5 year friendship. I often find myself lashing out just like my mother did, and i fear that if i don't get a doctor that will help me, i will not get better. I turned to self harm 6 years ago and i still struggle with it every once in awhile. I am sorry for rambling, but i don't have many people to talk to when it comes to this.
@LeprechaunsandLollies
Your story is so heart-breaking. I applaud you for opening up on such a personal level and sharing your experiences with us. I am glad you felt safe enough to do so.
Everything you shared absolutely requires some attention and healing. It sounds like these things have gone on to affect even your future relationships and friendships. For myself, I never had trust issues until my best friend ripped my heart out of my chest. He is someone I saw in my long distance future as being an intergral part of my life & he vanished. If I could lose him, I could just as easily lose the rest. It is something I still grieve and cry about even two years later. I have also had a handful of abusive relationships of my own. Trauma can reach far and wide into our life and wellness.
My heart goes out to you. I'm sorry to hear you had such an abusive and critical mother. This is such an important dynamic as children and when it becomes damaged it has life threatening consequences. Something that has helped me along the way is a handful of what I call "Surrogate Mothers". These are women who have no biological relation to me but have entered my life, my home, and my heart in more ways than my birth mother ever did. Surrounding yourself with a support system is so important. This was one of the most difficult things for me to establish because I am a lone wolf and hate being prodded, primarily when I am unwell. But I also am smart enough to value those nudges and nagging questions accompanied by a head tilt, "How are you feeling today?...You seem to be doing so well!...I am so proud of the progress you are making...Are you sure you're okay?"
Also, continuity of care is essential. It took me ten years to find the right doctor and he narrowed down my psychiatric experience in five minutes. Therapy doesn't work if you can't be blunt or honest with the one providing insight.
I hope that you continue to find the language and the strength to share your story. The more you talk about it, the more it loses its power and you begin to grow and heal in way you could never imagine. Don't give up.
Tigger warning. [*Edited by @blitheSun94 for word choice] I'm going to be a b****. For people who have been through actual trauma, you probably shouldn't read this. But I'm going to post this cause I need to let it out.
Nothing bad ever happened to me as a child. I worked hard. Did well in school and sports and come from a loving home environment. I have a very supporting family and good friends. But I am f***** up as s***. It makes sense for all you guys with your PTSD and your rape stories. You've been through so much s*** of course there are going to me after shocks. But you can work through it. This isn't how you were supposed to be! Something really s***** happened and it really hurt you but at least you know where it comes from. I mean why is this happening to me? Thats what I need to know. I know it is self centered but how am I supposed to survive from the shock of suddenly having a mental illness? I didn't know anything about this s***. I don't have family history of mental illness. So what I'm trying to say is this. To the people out there who come from a basic b**** houshold and are suffering from mood swings, self harm, anger, low self esteem, hallucinations, dissociation.... I'm tipping my hat to you. Because the confusion, the why me. It sucks.
@ivorySailboat6089
BPD can also arise from genetics. Actually what you've said is something I've thought about before. I often try to look at the good things remaining in my life, and I find that one of the best things is that I know where my problems come from. And I realise that once I solve these problems and come to term with them, I understand myself to a level that I believe others can rarely achieve. This makes life worth living sometimes for me.
There isn't much you can do other than "why me", but that never works. I've lived with mental illness (BPD, BP, PTSD, panic attacks, delusions and hallucinations from domestic abuse, sexual abuse, exploitation, molestation as a child) my whole life and have never disclosed it to my family. Disclosure of such problems can cause you to lose even your best friends, as I have. All you can do, honestly, is to live through it. At this point, I'm just truly glad I have a delusion concerning suicide that actually prevents me from taking my life. (Yes you can have a delusion even while you're aware).
@ivorySailboat6089
im in the same boat, just why? Why is this happening to me? It seems so unfair and feels like it will never go away and I'm not sure I can live with this any more. I just want to know why.
@lavenderNectarine6531 [Edited by @blitheSun94 for word choice] after a s***** week I think I have realized something. Why us? Because the universe is a b****, its not because there is anything wrong with us, we arent damadged or inhuman, the universe just realized that not enough people in our respective cities had BPD to keep the global average the same so she just threw it our way. All we can do is accept our lot in life and use it to our advantage. And by that i don't mean unemployment insurence and disability cheques, a mean take all the confusion and sadness and anger and harness it. Realize that if you are still alive right now you are winning. You have beaten back more than anyone can possibly know and that makes you incredibley strong. I know when I think of the self harm and suicide attempts in my past and present I don't think of myself as strong but then I have a day of clarity, be it once a week or once a month where the crazy emotions work for me and realize that while BPD has taken so much away from me it has given me empathy, courage, and the ability to imagine the impossibe.
@ivorySailboat6089
What wonderful encouragement. Thank you. 
@ivorySailboat6089
I so admire your passion and clarity. I think you bring up an extremely important point here. For many of us there are long histories of traumas, disappointments, and hereditary gene pools that make up for the storm we experience in our heads. Lord knows my list is long! But for those who have no obvious reason to operate differently really truly struggle to understand. It becomes less and less obvious as to why they feel the way they do and this experience alone can in fact be traumatic. That's right, you can develop PTSD from the experience of mental illness all by itself. It often makes those without a reason feel ostracized and different apart from a world that is already harsh and stigmatizing. These are the individuals whose mind's simply laid different circutry early in life. The "why" of psychology is extremely important, and remains the very thing that drives me to study more and undestand.
Thank you for being so honest.