Dealing with anger
I'm curious to hear how people deal with their feelings of anger when it starts simmering up to a boil.
I've been managing my temperament pretty well lately I think, but today... Well not so good. These days when I get angry I tend to let my feelings be known by making indirect hostile comments to someone who's annoyed me, if they annoy me further then I might lose my rag a lot more. When I lose it, I am admittedly a nasty piece of work and will say the meanest things to attack the other person.
These days I'm a lot better as I said but I still tend to be passively hostile and make snide remarks. I unfortunately lost my patience with someone at a drop in support centre today and well... Honestly I'm embarrassed to discuss it but let's just say I must have come across as a totally arrogant jerk. That's not the kind of person I want to be.
So when people are noticing that your getting more and more wound up, how do you bring yourself back from that level before you go off and say or do something which you then later might regret?
@CatDude
I hear you and completely relate to what you are saying. For me, I have to remove myself from the situation for a few minutes...go to the restroom or outside or any place to give my brain a few minutes to regroup and calm down. I also try to think...this person is not work me making myself look bad. And that really helps lol.
Good luck, you can do it!
@CatDude
That makes sense, like when you're angry, you feel like you aren't your usual self and start saying mean/hostile things. Afterwards, it feels pretty embarrassing and like, "Ugh I can't believe I did that and that's not who I want to be". So the question is, "When I notice that I'm getting angry, how do I avoid doing something I'll regret?"
For me personally, I think it's helped to just have those negative experiences repeatedly and starting to feel confident in the idea of, "When I'm in an impulsive kind of mood and I act on that, things don't tend to go well". So then based on that, if I do notice that I'm angry, I'll try to delay any actions and calm down before I do/say anything. And then if I do decide to act upon something, I'll try to plan out what I'm going to say until I'm happy with it and keep that communication as neutral as possible.
https://www.verywellmind.com/learn-assertive-communication-in-five-simple-steps-3144969
Just wanted to mention that there was a recent thread on anger that has some tips toward the end.
https://www.7cups.com/forum/PersonalityDisordersSupport_81/ThoughtfulThursday_2294/ThoughtfulThursdayAnger_263907/
@CatDude
Hey
Anger has always been an issue for me too, probably suppressing it most of the time, (which in itself is a problem of course).
But even though it is constantly a battle for me, I can laugh about it more now and control it better (most of the time lol).
It reminds me of that Movie ''Anger Management'" with Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson, (one of my absolute favorites too lol). If you haven't seen this, you have gotta see it, its really funny, even if you don't really like either of those Actors, you would still like the Movie.
In fact, watching Funny Movies is a great way to diffuse any Anger eventually, or at least laugh about it all in the privacy of your own Home.
Hope this helped somewhat
All the best
Nice to meet you, Thanks for sharing that Great way to cope and handle anger. Laughing and humor is wonderful medicine. Laughter activates and releases the Neurotransmitter serotonin which is the same brain chemicals affected by most common types of antidepressants, SSRi’s.
Anger Management is a great movie.
What are some other recommendations of funny movies to add to the must watch list?
Here is to a new day, yay!
@CatDude
I am having a real problem with dealing with anger myself. It seems like I’m ticking time bomb 💣! I suppress most of my anger, but boy when it surfaces… look out! I lash out at people a that I don’t mean to and say unkind things that I regret afterwards. It’s like I just snap for the moment, like it’s an automatic response. I can’t tolerate ignorance, nor stupidity and people trying to advantage of me. And I’ve been taken advantage so much that I have had enough! So, what do I do? Walk away? Ignore it? 😞
@forcefulFriend4768
That makes sense what you're saying. 💜
- It's hard to deal with anger, so it tends to be the sort of thing that gets suppressed until it bursts out and has negative effects
- When you're angry, you do/say things that you wouldn't otherwise want to do and that you regret afterwards
- It's hard to control it in the moment because it feels like a justified response to things that are wrong or destructive and feel like they ought to be addressed (i.e. other people doing stupid things, other people taking advantage of you)
I wrote a post a few months ago that has some tips for dealing with anger:
https://www.7cups.com/forum/PersonalityDisordersSupport_81/ThoughtfulThursday_2294/ThoughtfulThursdayAnger_263907/
Some of the distress tolerance posts in this forum might also be relevant for finding ways to try to "outlast" anger and get through it without doing something you'll regret:
https://www.7cups.com/forum/PersonalityDisordersSupport_81/DBTuesday_2147/
@QuietMagic
Thank you for the forum reads. I will definitely look them up. Especially after today as someone hacked into my bank account one again. Didn’t get much but I was able to nip it in the bud quickly! What is wrong with people????? Taking what is not there’s? I don’t have much but what little I have… I’m about to lose my ever loving mind! 🤯!
@forcefulFriend4768
Oh gosh... 😟 Glad you were able to nip it in the bud and that the situation is under control!
But yeah, that's pretty frustrating. "The stuff in my bank account is mine! It's not yours. You don't get to take it. What makes you think you're allowed to take it when it doesn't belong to you?" 😞
I struggle with anger flares daily! At work I tend to take a bathroom break, breathe it out, look at funny videos of dogs and then go back. With my husband I had/have the tendency to be comfortable enough to make rude comments. Last night for the first time I walked up to him and just said “I’m unreasonably angry right now and I need a hug.” He hugged me, 2 minutes later we were chatting and my anger had simmered. I think it has something to do with the immediate reaction and not letting it simmer in you. I hope you’re doing well! Sending positive vibes your way!!
@AndreaDawn
I'm glad you have some things that feel like they work. 💜 Sounds like taking a short break, breathing, and finding distracting/funny videos are helpful. And you were able to tell your husband you were feeling angry and he was supportive and that helped calm things down.