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CatDude
931 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts66 Forum posts35 Forum upvotes57 Current upvotes57 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2023 Member sinceDecember 6, 2021
Recent forum posts
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Fallout of an outburst
Personality Disorders Support / by CatDude
Last post
 April 16th, 2023
...See more So not that long ago I had a angry outburst at work... I got really angry and swore at my supervisor effectively telling her to go f herself. Apparently I was so heated she feared I would floor her but I have never been violent physically. It's been some time since that happened and whilst I have apologised my apology was not accepted by any of my work colleagues. They all know I have EUPD but instead of trying to understand what happened I've effectively been villianised. Well my mental health team prevented me getting sacked and to my surprise backed me up really well. Arguing that work contributed to my poor mental state. Anyway. If others can't find in themselves to forgive me is that not their problem? I'm no longer feeling guilty about what happened as it was some time ago now. It's frustrating that people at work still harbour the grudge though. How do you win people back following a rage incident? Or is it a lost cause?
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For anyone who needs to hear it.
Personality Disorders Support / by CatDude
Last post
 March 21st, 2023
...See more How you feel is valid. Your pain is real. Good people can do bad things You are not a "monster" (Had a terrible week here.... When things go wrong and your in crisis, you find out who really cares about you... No one.... Sorry to dampen the mood but trying to think what my therapist might possibly say to be encouraging in such circumstances)
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Finding purpose
35 & Over Community / by CatDude
Last post
 October 4th, 2022
...See more I have had ongoing mental health issues for decades now. Much of my history includes self harm. I sometimes think about what I should be doing with my life as in maybe trying to help others who may have had similar difficulties. That all sounds well and good but heres the thing, so many other people already do these things so I think to myself "who do heck am I to think I can make any significant difference?". It would be nice to contribute something meaningful to society but I am just a nobody. I have no friends, my experiences probably aren't of any interest to anyone, and maybe I'd make a really rubbish listener. I mean like being a listener here: it would good to help people, but what if I am just really no good at helping others? So where does one start with mental health volunteering? If you don't believe in yourself does that just mean you should not entertain the idea. I suppose the little voice in my head tells me I'd only fail anyway and to even consider these things is getting ideas above my station.
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Talking to work colleagues
Anxiety Support / by CatDude
Last post
 June 8th, 2022
...See more First of all to briefly summarise my personal history: I've had ongoing mental health issues (depression, anxiety, self harm etc) for decades now. I always thought I'd had BPD. After doing a MCMI test it highlighted me in the scales for a few different things but AvPD was the highest of my scoring. So anyway. I have recently started a new job. My work history is... Sketchy. I tend to not stay in a job too long as I seem to either get bored of it, or I get panicky that my work colleagues will see through me and I'll be exposed as someone who isn't normal. I'm pretty insecure that people won't like me and that at work people will see me as aloof and unfriendly, or a little bit weird, or worse a freak. Basically I'm afraid of being "found out". I mean if people knew my history of depression, self harm, suicide attempts etc would that taint their perception of me? I would like to try be social with my work colleagues but I just worry half the time I'll just say something stupid so tend to just maintain a low profile. So how and where does one start? I'm not totally socially inept as I can and have made acquaintances at work in the past. But it's a struggle for sure. How does one actually socialize effectively anyway?
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Feeling pretty good.
Anxiety Support / by CatDude
Last post
 May 7th, 2022
...See more Not sure why but lately, I feel extremely good. In a positive mindset. I haven't felt depressed in at least 3 weeks. Still anxious about certain things but overall pretty confident. Hoping to ride this wave of optimism for a while as I'm liking it!
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Meeting people & making friends
Anxiety Support / by CatDude
Last post
 January 1st, 2022
...See more Unfortunately I don't have any friends. I am a loner out of fear of being judged or rejected by people rather than actively choosing to be a loner. Meeting people I find difficult as you can never know who is ok to trust, not judge you, I myself admittedly can be quite judgmental and will be less inclined to engage with people who come across as arrogant, aggressive, too loud and outgoing, etc. But being a loner is of course lonely. I don't really know how to make friends or talk to people. I used to play Mmos (mainly FFXIV) where I enjoyed the social interaction with others. I suppose in that game you can chat to people about game related stuff I suppose. Anyway more lately I have thought about trying social media to connect with people. But how do you even start when you have no friends to begin with? I have a Twitter account for instance but never post anything because I anticipate some trolls to shoot me down because I have no friends. I think that's why I downloaded this 7 cups app as a way of trying to connect to people. A way of testing the waters as it were. And I suppose this is a kind of cop out because even if I cannot make friends on here o know I'm unlikely to be confronted by mean replies because it's a place where people support each other. I doubt I'd get that courtesy else where. With COVID and all meeting people in person is virtually impossible now so I suppose society (at least where I live in Britain) has become much more isolated.
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Dealing with anger
Personality Disorders Support / by CatDude
Last post
 February 24th, 2022
...See more I'm curious to hear how people deal with their feelings of anger when it starts simmering up to a boil. I've been managing my temperament pretty well lately I think, but today... Well not so good. These days when I get angry I tend to let my feelings be known by making indirect hostile comments to someone who's annoyed me, if they annoy me further then I might lose my rag a lot more. When I lose it, I am admittedly a nasty piece of work and will say the meanest things to attack the other person. These days I'm a lot better as I said but I still tend to be passively hostile and make snide remarks. I unfortunately lost my patience with someone at a drop in support centre today and well... Honestly I'm embarrassed to discuss it but let's just say I must have come across as a totally arrogant jerk. That's not the kind of person I want to be. So when people are noticing that your getting more and more wound up, how do you bring yourself back from that level before you go off and say or do something which you then later might regret?
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