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How to let an ex know that there is no chance of getting back together?
History/Summary:
it’s been a rocky 6 years. He wants to be with me. I am not seeing it work out. There is a lot of damage, brokenness, and distrust. He had gotten into my phone and He has made numerous false allegations. When asked for the proof so we could talk about the truth of it, he refuses and says it will go publicly and I should watch my back, etc etc.
The situation with him is so complicated, consumes my energy, I am more frazzled, and in discomfort, most of the time. He has been very hateful and spiteful in his words and actions. He blames and shames me for everything. I just need to have space, I am not one that has to have someone all encompassing in life. I need self care breathers and breaks to regroup. I have explained this to him, it goes on deaf ears, he doesn’t hear me. I have tried to come up with compromise and mutual clear boundaries. He just pushes, that we are supposed to be together. I can not trust him and I can not allow myself to be vulnerable around him. He wants to know all about my life and my where-a-bouts, but it is a double standard as he rarely shares with me and when he does it’s accrual lying.
I have grown in my life and relationships and do not press the issues. Nor do I want to change someone. The Situations, not person need changed.
This is getting to me in a negative way.
I have done blocking, deleting, not responding; and it gets worse. During those times that I have cut contact, there have been strange things happening like loogies on my car three different times, drive-by’s, honks of horn, flipping the finger, etc. When I asked if he drove by he said ‘yes’ ‘what are you going to do about it.’ I have said I would get a no contact/restraining order. Which I don’t want to have to do that. Most my relationships have had to end that way. I’m no longer a victim of abuse and violence. I am a survivor and deserve respect.
I could carry on about it; but need a break and find my calmness. Plus, I have to get ready for the
day(s) ahead.
Anyway, I am on a self-discovery journey and healing path..
I have tried to discuss this with him and he says we should be together. I sense he wants to be together for the wrong reasons. We didn’t establish a Foundational friendship first. He was married unbeknownst to me. I felt terrible, ashamed, embarrassed when I found out. I still do, I have to let those feelings go, it’s done and can’t be undone. I have to forgive myself & him for our parts in that situation.
Unfortunately, I have a life of unhealthy, abusive, toxic relationships that I have allowed.
I desire to have the opportunity and live in a healthy relationship that meshes naturally and comfortably for both persons.
I wasn’t expecting to go on and on about this. I know and am responsible for my part.
Thanks for listening. Any feedback or suggestions, I am open to hear. I need gentle, firm, honest, direct help with this please.
Thanks again.