A place for Vase and Berry
Hi @bestVase7265 This is a place where we can chat with each other. Thank you so much for supporting me, Vase. I'm very grateful and I'm happy to continue our previous conversion here. 😊
i know you have good intentions. i know you're trying to help. so i hate to say this, but honestly, everything you just said today... it hurts. it hurts so much. i got home from school after a pretty rough day, checked cups and found all this. then i cried my eyes out in the shower. i'm sorry. but it does hurt a lot.
it honestly feels like you don't understand me. you're saying stuff that makes me feel like you don't even know me. like you're a total stranger and don't know anything about me or my family. you're asking me to do things you know i can never do.
and if i have to spend less time on cups and write less to you, how do you even expect me to cope? if i don't let it out, it'll eat me up inside. it already is. i need to get it out somehow. my mind is just overflowing with thoughts that have nowhere to go and it's taking up too much space for me to even study. you don't understand.
you want me to just study and sleep and not any of the other things that sometimes help me feel better or help me deal with everyone going on?
"writing down every single thought is making those thoughts more intense." i really disagree. trying to tell me to stop talking to you so much? or are you telling me not to talk at all and keep everything to myself? well, i can try.
i don't know if you even want me to reply to your messages. but if i do respond properly and explain myself, i'll do that later. right now i'm just really hurt and probably wont be able to get my thoughts across well enough to be understood. you don't seem to understand what i'm going through and it feels hard to make you understand anything.
I do know what you were going through. When my own therapist told me to stop writing things down, I was shocked. I thought it was helping me. But when I look back on it now I realize that she was right. I wasn't processing. I was taking too much time living in my pain and not enough time living in the real world.
I know my ideas sometimes cause you pain because you don't actually try any of them. I also know how unbelievably hard they are to do. Trust me. I was thinking today about how much time I spend during my own day thinking about you and trying to find a better path for you. So I end up doing exactly what I told you not to do - be focused on someone else's emotions, stories, and reactions as a cause for my own emotions. Just as is true for you, the only one who can change me and impact how I am feeling is me. Not my parents, not my spouse, not my kids, not you. My world can turn upside down (and does often) but the only way that I make it upright again is me. The same is true for you.
If you can figure out how to own that idea slowly but surely then your parents (and whatever I write) will hurt less. My only job here is to make you hurt less by putting you in charge of your own emotions. It is why I suggested that you write only 20 minutes to me. It is why I suggested that you read those first opening sections of 7 cups before you start each day. It is why I think you should write in the "Good Moments" post every day before you post anywhere else. It is why I think you should advocate for yourself and get yourself a doctor's appointment to solve the sleep issue. It is why I think you should take a short daily walk.Â
When you begin to find yourself in the emotional driver's seat again by DOING things rather than just writing, you will stop being so suicidal. I say this because I believe in you. Your brain is lying when it focuses so much on the impossible and calls me a liar for believing otherwise. I do understand you. I was you. Please don't dismiss my emotional pain. I have never dismissed yours. I am very aware of what you are going through because I have been there. The circumstances are different. The mental illness is the same. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 fine. and i'm glad i cant change or impact how you feel.
But my strong belief is that you can change. All of this is within your power to be even more the great person that you have already started becoming.
Mental health recovery takes lots of time and effort. There were moments during my very long four year journey that I was sure I was never going to find something that worked for me. I felt stupid and worthless because I knew it was up to me to fix things but I had no clue how. I begged for my life to end in the same way you do. But I just kept trying different solutions over and over. I would try one thing for a few weeks and then another, watching for anything that helped in the least. Eventually I found those touch points. You can too.
But it starts by realizing that the only one who can make you feel better is you. You have the awesome capacity to do that. But focusing on your parents or on me as the source of your problems on any given day won't get you there.
I am not going to stop believing in you and your ability to change and grow and be awesome. Ever. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 okay
@bestVase7265 but you and i are different people. maybe for you, you just thought writing was helped and it actually wasn't. maybe for you, writing intensified the pain. maybe for you, actually doing things without writing was possible and hence helpful.
but for me, i dont just think talking helps. i know it helps, depending on who i talk to. it makes the pain less intense. it helps me get it out somewhere and out of my brain so it can be out and i can focus on other stuff. and i am unable to stop talking and actually do things. so i'm not talking and i'm not doing much other than just sitting and trying to distract myself without getting anything useful done or even resting properly. why won't you let me talk? talking helps me and you dont seem to understand.
you ask me to talk less and do more. honestly what i think i need right now is to kinda talk it out and just spend hours talking. because not talking about anything and keeping everything to myself for so long is really not helping. everything is just bottled up and coming out as self harm or worse, coming out to my parents in bad ways and which makes everything a disaster. i just need someone to talk to and i have no one to talk to right now. you don't seem to want me talking.
"I know my ideas sometimes cause you pain because you don't actually try any of them." you know me. you know i can't try your ideas. why do you even suggest them when you know i won't do them? it feels like you're just trying to hurt me with suggestions you know i can't use. i don't always even want suggestions a lot of times. sometimes i just want someone to be there for me to just listen, you know.
"the only one who can change me and impact how I am feeling is me. Not my parents, not my spouse, not my kids, not you. My world can turn upside down (and does often) but the only way that I make it upright again is me." i know you didn't mean it this way, but if i died, i wouldn't impact how you feel? you'll be fine, right? i thought you once said you'd be sad. but i'm glad i cant make you sad anymore. it it maybe the same for everyone else who knows me? because honestly the reason i'm still here today is because i think i might seriously impact how someone feels and they might be really sad. but then can they turn their world upright again? that would give me the freedom to go. i'm only here because i don't want my story to hurt someone i love.
"My only job here is to make you hurt less by putting you in charge of your own emotions." but what if i cant really take charge of my own emotions? i just cant help it. my emotions are literally in complete control of those around me except the few rare instances when i can be not that affected by people not being nice.
"write in the "Good Moments" post every day before you post anywhere else" also, sorry but that's not possible. good moments is the last thing i do, not first. i need to do it at the very end of my day. how can i do that first when i get into bed and then all the other not so good stuff right before trying to sleep?
We are very much allowed to be different people. I didn't say stop writing. I simply said write less. Keep it to 20 minutes of the bad stuff (plus 20 minutes of the good stuff whenever you can do that).
I do understand that bottled up feeling. When I get truly bad, I do email my therapist to set up another appointment so I can spend an hour venting. But then I try not to do that again for a month or more.
Venting is okay, just create a balance with it. When it overtakes sleeping then you have got a larger problem. That was the only thing I was trying to prevent.
I will always suggest ideas even if you don't take some of them. It took me months of asking before you started the "Good Moments" posts. Then you finally did and I started to see a whole other side of you that was great. My suggestions overall are usually pretty simple ones now. I am not asking you to tell your parents exactly what is going on or go to the hospital. I am changing for you too.
My husband just came in and I have not finished reading or responding. I will do so tomorrow night. See I got to the end of my 20 minutes and just stopped. You can do the same.Â
@exuberantBlackberry9105
Ok, let me finish up with this message like I promised. I will try to be better about just listening. Sometimes it is hard for me if you ask questions. I feel like I should attempt to give some answer to them. And I feel your pain deeply and want to make it better. But I can work on it from my end as well.
Yes, I can easily see how you could reverse my statement on me and think about your own death again. That comment was made to help you think more positively about what you can do, but I should have been clearer about how hard (actually impossible some days) what I said is to do. It doesn't make it less necessary because ultimately it works, but emotionally not being impacted by the world is a battle. For me right now I am being heavily impacted by the horrors of national politics in my country. I almost can't read the news and I find myself weeping at points. But I am trying to focus as hard as I can to do what I can to be kind and helpful to others. That ultimately helps combat the bad. That is why losing you in any way would be so hard. The world can be better but only if people don't give up on it.
You say you can't control your emotions. You are right. You can't control them all the time. But you can control them some of the time. That's what we are aiming for. Let's look at if for just a second from the perspective of your mom. In your "Good Moments" the other day you mentioned that you found she was still upset because after a bad morning with you she had a bad day with your dad home. In both of those cases she made a choice to continue being angry. Then you ended up hurt again. I don't want you to turn out like your mom who is bitter and blames everyone else but herself for her own problems. You don't have a good role model here for figuring out your own path. But you can break the cycle slowly but surely.
For the "Good Moments" I can understand why right before bed might work. The reason why I was suggesting first (and keep the good stuff short too) is that you will feel like the day is more of a success and less of a failure so you won't have to type as much of the bad out. @exuberantBlackberry9105
my teeth are killing me. they have never hurt so bad before, not even the the first day i got braces. i cant even brush properly today.
Ugh. I hate it when braces do that. Did you go to the dentist recently to have them tightened? Sometimes it happens when they do that. It can also be a sign that a menstrual cycle is coming. Are you able to take any pain killers for your teeth.
Sending you a night with less pain. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 yeah, i went yesterday and the doctor changed the wire. but this has happened before and the pain has never been this bad. what have periods to do with braces though?
well, the dentist has told us before that if it ever hurts too much i can take painkillers. but of course my mother won't let me, unless they're absolutely necessary. saying meds are bad for health and have side effects. so i'll just have to wait and wait till the pain goes away on its own. until then, goodbye to proper brusing or biting on something. i cant even bite on a biscuit.Â
That's kind of what I found with my braces. Initially, it wasn't as bad as later on in terms of tightening. But gradually they start to feel a little better when you get them tightened and it is only a few days of the pain each time. But that doesn't make it much better.
As far as the menstrual cycle goes, your whole body fills with more blood right before it starts. That means that nerve endings all over (even in your teeth) hurt more.
Sorry that your mom isn't allowing you pain meds that you need. Keep asking if your teeth keep hurting. When you have any choice, go with softer foods.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better.@exuberantBlackberry9105
my hair is all falling out. what do i even do?
i guess it's beacuse of months of neverending stress? i read that a healthy person loses up to 100 strands of hair daily. today i washed my hair and i tried counting the number of strands i lost. i counted till 90 before i stopped. there was still so much left to count. based on how much 50 strands of fallen out hair look, i assure i lost at least 150-200 strands today. which is crazy. i really need to do something about this.
I am not entirely positive, but I think hair loss is another sign of anemia. If I had to guess, that might be the culprit. The anemia also might be making the depression worse.
I know your parents hate to take you to doctors, but you might want to mention the hair loss to her. You could try showing her the following article: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321668#:~:text=Severe%20iron%20deficiency%20anemia%20can,reductase%20that%20helps%20cell%20growth.
In general, you deserve to have more energy to fight everything else. I know that I needed an iron supplement for a while because my body wasn't producing enough of it (again menstrual cycle related in my case).
None of this is your fault. @exuberantBlackberry9105
2:30 am. why the helll did i stay up so late ifni couldn't even finish my work?
It happened. Not much you can do about it now. Again, the anemia may be partially to blame. Be happy if you got some work done. Have a good sleep and be back at it tomorrow.
Sending lots of strength and peace.@exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265Â anemia may be partially to blame?? for what?
Anemia also causes insomnia. It literally keeps you from sleeping and makes your hair fall out among other things. It can also cause cold feet, pale skin, extreme fatigue, and brittle nails.
An iron supplement could be life changing for you. Sometimes it isn't just diet. Your body is changing as you grow and needs extra support. I took one for at least 5 years as I entered menopause (the reverse). It really helped and now I don't need it anymore. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 okay, but what can i do about it? i dont think there's anything i can do. plus, my mother says it all because i don't eat enough dal. so it is all my my fault according to her. also, i wont tell her about the hair loss. she'll just say i need to eat and sleep better.
quick question, do you mean to say that everything going on with my body is because of anemia? and what on earth am i supposed to do about it?
also, as of 3rd december 2024, my haemoglobin was 11.8 g/dL when normal range is 12.3-15.3Â g/dL according to the blood test report. that makes my mother declare that i have anemia. but i wonder, why did the doctor not say anything about this when she saw the report? arent doctors supposed to do something about low haemoglobin if they see it, even if the purpose of the blood test was so see if it was a bacterial or viral infection? how did the doctor not say anything? like they're supposed to treat it, right?
also with the link you sent yesterday, it says "Severe iron deficiency anemia can cause hair loss." is mine severe? how do i know? what if it's just stress?
It is difficult to do anything about it without your mom's support. Her single solution of "dal" isn't working. There are lots of other things you can put into your diet to make things better. You did a great job in at least trying to bring up the hair loss.
I could be wrong but I think anemia is more likely than stress to cause hair loss (unless you are literally pulling it out yourself)
You are right - the doctor should be doing more and sticking up for you more. They should react to reports like that and make suggestions to your mom. She is more likely to listen to them because she doesn't know much about medicine.
I guess I'd basically say any time that you are at the doctor's in the next few months that you bring up your own symptoms. Say you have hair loss to the doctor. Say you aren't sleeping. When doctors hear lists of symptoms they are more likely to react and shut your mother up.
I wish that I could offer you more than that. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 "You did a great job in at least trying to bring up the hair loss." oh. i never did. and i said i never will.
hmm okay. and no, i don't pull hair out of my head. eyebrows, eyelashes, arms, legs - yes. but not my head.
you know, doctors dont really care. most doctors dont. so that time that doctor didnt care to see that other stuff was wrong with my report. just checked what she had to and left the rest.
why would she care? she didnt even care when my mother told her i'd have trouble swallowing huge tablets. just said that i dont have an option and that i should crush the tablets if needed. told me that i just need to grow up and learn to swallow tablets because i couldnt take liquid meds as a 14 year old. my mother also said that the doctor decided dosage based on only age with no consideration for my weight. what can i expect from a doctor like that? we're never going to that one again.
"I guess I'd basically say any time that you are at the doctor's in the next few months that you bring up your own symptoms." i cant do that. my mother does the talking when i go to a doctor. i dont talk unless specifically i am asked something. plus, almost all doctors just talk to the parents, never the kids themselves. only seen two doctors so far who have talked to me and not only to my mother.Â
so i guess this is all just a hopeless situation. completely out of my control and there's nothing i can do. just watch all my hair fall out. fine. i'll just do that while waiting for my life to endd...
today in geography class the teacher was on about how we should eat well because we're teens. how we should take care of our health. because if we aren't healthy, we'll be a burden for the country. she asking stuff like "how many of you drink a glass of milk every day?" "how many of you exercise every day?" "how many of you eat pulses every day?" and "how many of you never" questions for all of them.
i didn't raise my hand for anything except the pulses question. because i do have dal pretty much every day. and no, i never drink milk in a glass because i hate it, have always have. i can have cornflakes with milk but never just milk, not even with bornvita or horlicks or anything. but i am not willing to admit that to the whole class. i eat all kinds of fruits and vegetables, seriously. i just have a problem with milk, dal and fish.
for exercise... it's not a never and it's also not every day. it just depends on how i feel. sometimes i exercise on weekends. but nothing much, just stretching exercises as i'm trying to get more flexible. one thing i like about my body is that it's pretty flexible and i wanna get more flexible.
but still, i feel like this all means i'm not taking care of my health enough. i'm not eating well enough and not exercising. i'm not healthy. which means i'm a burden. okay, physical health, maybe it'll be fine some day. but does mental health count? if yes, will i always be unhealthy and be a burden to my country?
and is it my fault i'm so short? maybe it's beacuse i dont eat enough protein and i dont sleep and exercise enough? and that's caused stunted growth or whatever?Â
and i also wonder, what am i doing to myself? if i end up surviving and making it to adulthood, how will all my lack of sleep and stuff affect as a growing teen affect me then? will it shorten my life? what will it really do?
and speaking of all this and anemia, look at my geography textbook. we're leaning about population and just look:
like what the heck.
Sorry that I missed this message earlier I think.
I misread the words you wrote about talking to your mom about the hair loss. Sorry that I was reading too fast.
I don't think that the situation will always be hopeless though. What is interesting as you get older is that doctors start listening to you more. It very definitely happened with my kids. By the time they were around 16, I tried to avoid talking too much at appointments myself. I know that your mom won't do that, but the time will come when you will see some freedom and be able to tell doctors how you really feel. You are right that there are bad ones, but there are also some good ones out there. If you go in believing that you might get a kinder one each time then you might get surprised.
Your geography teacher is certainly asking lots of health questions. That actually tells you a little something about the getting older part of things. I bet when you were little no one at school told you to eat healthy particularly. They start doing that now because you will eventually be in charge of everything that you eat. Won't it be nice to choose yourself? And sometimes now I am sure you are making a few mini decisions for yourself in terms of eating like you describe about milk, dal, and fish. You do eat some, but you choose a bit how much you are going to eat and in what ways. You eat more of the things you like and talk in your "Good moments" posts about the occasional meal that you enjoy. You also exercise as you see fit. All those are choices that you will get to make more of as you get older. So nothing is completely hopeless. You do have minimal amounts of control.
Your teacher making you feel guilty is the worst part of it. You aren't going to end upa burden to anyone. You already to okay with eating and some exercise. And you can grow and do even better next week. I look back amazed about how much healthier I eat than I did 5 years ago. I definitely exercise more. Each year, I get a little better and praise myself every time that I make an okay choice. That helps those choices become more permanent.
The lack of sleep and anemia will fade eventually. Just keep trying to do what you are doing. The statement that you copied is only partially right. Part of it is parents aren't paying enough attention to their girls. But you can create a world where you keep trying to love on yourself. Things will get better. @exuberantBlackberry9105
it's 27th jan. i hoped to catch up with all schoolwork by 31st jan. i dunno how to make that happen anymore. i have so much work to do. i also have to sleep more. so i just don't know.
this history notebook submission is making me go mad. i have pages on pages to write. months of work. my hand hurts so bad from trying to write so much, especially my wrist. it hurts so much. i have to finish this today. i wrote a few pages and i have 9 more pages to write. 9 pages of an A4 size notebook.
then i also have other subjects. i wont do any of them today but i do want to get them all done this week. today i just wanna hopefully complete history and sleep early. not sure if that'll happen though, it's so much work.
1:08 am. i thought i'd get into bed early today but that never happened. and i didn't finish my work either, i just left it. somehow i really need to be getting to bed earlier.
tomorrow i might try to sleep after school. daytime sleep is so good. nighttime sleep is so hard.
i dunno if she'll allow it though. i have homework to do, stuff to study and her to explain. maybe i can sleep after she's done explaining stuff? and forget about hw for one day?
1:28 am. can't stop crying.
It's okay. When you get really tired you cry. You have done enough for the day. You are trying so hard to get caught up. It is enough and I am proud of you. You are doing what you can.
Sending strength and peace. @exuberantBlackberry9105
I AM SO MAD AT HER. SO. VERY. MAD.
and no, i'm not talking about my mother. i'm talking about my friend. she has been skipping an insane amount of school and i have to keep sending her notes when i myself am struggling so much but still pushing and showing up at school. going to school because if i miss, she does send notes but my mother feels that she doesnt write everything properly and writes her own senseless notes, even when things are given on the board. especially for maths and physics.
she missed two days last week. that one was okay beacuse she had a genuine understandable reason. she skipped one day the week before and lied about why she did it. and i know she lied all too well, because i'm a liar too. but i'm fine with her lying about this.
but today she skipped for god knows what reason and i had such an awful day without her. it was so so so very bad. we had a field trip today and i was all alone and had no one to talk to, nothing to distract me. i was so lonely. everyone is with their friends and i'm all alone. generally when this happens, i try to stick around teachers but when they were ignoring me today. and all this happening when i have barely been sleeping at all and feel so bad physically too. my head has been hurting all day. my arms and legs are ao weak. writing hurts.
people just give me weird looks for being all alone. everyone's been staring at me today for some reason. and my bench partner as usual leaves me alone and sits somewhere else even though that's not allowed. she got punished for it before and today but she still does it. am i sk hard to sit next to?
am i that bad that everyone needs to ignore me and pretend to not hear me and stare at me? and not ever talk to me? what did i even do? what is so wrong with me? why does everyone hate me?
all those kids who ask me for help, borrow my stationery, make random comments, try talking to me when they're all alone with me - they are just here to do that. to have me help them when their friends arent there, or just because. none of them will ever be there when i need someone. nobody cares. someone borrowed my pen today and not even a thank you. not surprising.Â
i really wanna d1e. really really really badly want to do it.
i figured out why she skipped today. she thought none of the classes would happen because of the field trip. she wrong. only two of eight classes went in the field trip.
i had decided that i wont send her notes today till she asks for them. because every time i send her notes, she never writes them at home. she just comes to school the next day and borrows my notebooks. so why should i take efforts to take pics and send them to her? it's pointless if she never writes them.
so i'm kinda messing with her now. she messaged asking if i went to school today. normally i reply with the notes. today i replied with just "I did. Why didn't you? Do you want me to send you today's notes?" i'll wait for her to say yes and then send them.
she has done this to me before. i never did it to her until today for the simple reason that i dont enjoy her doing that to me. and i believe that i should never purposely treat someone in a way that i dont want them treating me. but i've had enough of doing that to her now because she doesnt understand. i am tired. what hurts is that she never even writes the notes.
so yeah, i did it to her. just this once. and somehow it makes me feel so good. i feel great right now.
which doesn't make sense. i shouldn't be feeling great after treating someone a way i don't want to be treated. i know i could be hurting her. and i still feel good? i must be such a bad person. maybe after all, my mother was right? maybe i am like my father who feels good by hurting people?
i am such an awful person. maybe you should stay away from me, i'm a horrible person. what is wrong with me?! i am truly insane.
I am sorry that the school day was so rough and you felt so alone. That is tough. You are right that some people see only themselves rather than seeing those around them completely.
I was really lonely and miserable in school too. But I survived by just trying to keep going. It did work. Now I look back at most of those mean, nasty people on social media and they are still horrible people 40 years later.
But I am not like them. I never gave into their cynicism and their way of seeing through people and abusing them. You have done the same thus far. It is why you can still see the pain of your former bench partner so clearly.
Are you a bad person because you didn't respond well to your friend because you were angry? No. It does happen sometimes. The key is that you avoid being angry all the time. That is when it eats you up inside. That's when the voices in your head start that somehow trick you into believing that you are a bad person.
So keep trying to be friendly to anyone who looks on you with a little kindness. There is kindness out in the world. When you are that kindness then you can find others being kind even more readily. @exuberantBlackberry9105
i feel so bad for my previous bench partner. he gets bullied so much. i wish i could help somehow. i wonder how he even keeps going with how people treat him. i feel bad for just sitting and watch it all happen. watch it destroy himself on the inside while on the outside he laughes it off or gets it out as anger.
i am so ashamed of myself. how could i not know 25 × 9 ? i embarrassed myself so badly in front of the whole class in physics. my day was going so wel until then.
and i so hate the economics teacher. all she does is generalize. says all kinds of stupid stuff that really hurt. i feel like i'm so abnormal. my family is abnormal and we are so poor.
okay, maybe we're not really 'poor' but we dont have lots of money either. and my father doesn't have a regular monthly salary. things are unpredictable. my father hasnt been able to actually get any contracts this last year. so he has no work. he isnt earning lately. and it makes me worry. how long will we get by like this? how will he manage rent and everything without money? where will we end up with the way he wastes money?
and the biggest question, my father has huge loans to pay back. he is 62 years old. i'm 15. if he cannot pay back his loans, what will happen to me as his kid?
and this stupid teacher is going on an on about how we are all so lucky and privileged and we don't need to worry about anything. how our parents are taking care of everything so we can enjoy life. how everything is safe and secure for us. how we can buy almost anything we want without worrying about money and buy things we dont need. that is so wrong. i always think twice before spending and almost never buy stuff i dont need. my father spends money mindlessly and buys unnecessary stuff. i'm the opposite.
i'm skipping school tomorrow. we might not have many classes. and i need a little break and some rest. i'm really tired...
i just hope my mother doesn't make me regret my decision. i wanna sleep a bit and rest. and hopefully catch up with some old work.
Sorry that I missed a day. I can't do 25x9 in my head either and I have a Ph.D. You don't have to be perfect.
As far as the economics situation - you are right that generalizing is bad. I am sorry that your teacher did that.
Ok, I just hit my time limit as my husband came in. I will be back tomorrow and answer the rest. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 it's okay, dont worry about missing a day. are you okay though? how's life really been going for you?
oh dear, how'd you get through school not being able to do 25 × 9 in your head? you mean you need paper to solve that? no offence, i'm just curious about how you managed.
under normal circumstances, i actually can solve 25 × 9 in my head. i know 25 × 10 = 250 so if i subtract 25 from that, i'll get 25 × 9 = 225. the problem is, the teacher's stare made me start to panic and really my brain wasn't functioning. i felt like it would take too long to actually solve it.
so when i heard someone say 175, i said it without thinking. that's want i'm so embarrassed about. i didn't do it myself thinking it'd take too long because of how much i was panicking, so i thoughtlessly said a random number i heard. it was the person sitting behind me trying to trick me or something. and i let him do that. i'm just embarrassed about that. because now he knows i actually do listen for people prompting answers and i use them without thinking for myself. i got tricked and that's embarrassing. some people... just...
the the teacher went "first of all, you should know the table. if you don't, you can at least solve 25 × 10 and then subtract 25 from it." that hurt.
I am doing okay. We just started our semester on Tuesday so there are tons of little issues to handle - students wanting to switch classes, books not being at the bookstore, etc. But I think I have some good groups, just small.
Of course, if I think about it I can do 25 x 9, but I am more likely to panic like you did at first and think it is a harder problem than it is. There are times when I can't spell words either. I will go to spell easy words like "why" and only come up with the letter "y" in my head because it sounds the same. We all momentarily panic and can't think straight at times. It's okay. I'd much rather let students see that I am human and sometimes make mistakes than worry about whether they are calling me "the stupid professor" in my head. I know at other points that I make good arguments and get students thinking. Those are the moments that matter. @exuberantBlackberry9105
what's up with the weather? like it january and it feels like summer evenings. my city hit the highest temperature ever recorded in janurary. global warming?? this warm breeze makes me feel like i'm in the middle of summer hols or year end break or something. it's got me into a weirdly relaxed mood and i don't feel like doing anything. so i'm just sitting and wasting my time. i have so much work to do but somehow i'm so relaxed like nothing matters and i have all the time in the world to get it done. this is crazy. i just wanna stand atmy window and look outside and do nothing.Â
how are the temps so high already? what will it be in the month of may in the middle of summer?
I didn't miss much schoolwork today except maths. i should be able to catch up with that soon. sitting at home today, i didn't really get much done. but i got some rest and some sleep. hopefully from tomorrow i can get more done. and my relaxed mood is gone now by the way, the moment i saw we got two new projects today. maths and economics. both are huge projects.
Our weather has been crazy too. Very hard to predict. We have had one of our longest cold spells in years and now it is warmer but very foggy at night and in the morning.
Sometimes sitting and staring out the window for a few minutes is good for your soul. Taking time to breathe can make work easier later. @exuberantBlackberry9105
my head hurts so much. it was hurting last night, it's hurting today for most of the day. i haven't been doing anything useful at all all day today. just youtube for hours. just sitting like that for hours at my table makes me feel like i'm half dead or something. so i got up and went to the balcony but even that didn't help.
everything feels dull. like it literally looks so dull. i drank so much water but even that's not helping. i'm waiting till i can go to sleep tonight. it's 8:22 pm. i'm supposed to change my sheets today but i guess i'll just do that tomorrow because my hair is a disaster and i need to oil it and stuff tonight. now i have tons of homework to do tomorrow.
i just hope the headache goes away tomorrow because it makes life so hard. my head hurts the way it does if i banged it or something. which makes no sense because i haven't banged my head in any way.
okay, i feel alive now after bleeding lips and spicy food.
quick question about braces, is it normal for teeth to hurt one whole week after a dentist visit? because they still hurt. the appointment was last friday. also, i currently have braces only on my upper teeth. are lower ones gonna hurt more?
The headache could be related again to the menstrual cycle thing. Extra blood is literally everywhere waiting to be released.
Glad that spicy food helped a bit.
That may be why your teeth hurt more too. One week of hurting, especially the dull ache variety, can be typical after they tighten the wires. The lower braces don't hurt any more than the upper ones, but when you have them both at the same time it can sometimes be painful. For me braces were weird because some months the tightening didn't hurt hardly at all and other months it was harder. I could never tell what I was going to get. But I do remember fantasizing about going to the dentist with a knife and demanding he remove them immediately. LOL. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 but i just finished my period like a week or two ago. it cant be on the way again already. and i know the parts of my body that normally hurt during my periods, and my head isn't one of them.
"But I do remember fantasizing about going to the dentist with a knife and demanding he remove them immediately. LOL." oh lol, did you just say lol? you did really make me laugh-out-loud hehe. what did you think you were gonna do with the knife? honestly, thanks for sharing that and making me laugh. i love it when you share such funny stuff. sometimes it's fun to talk about the silly stuff you know.
It is fun to talk about the silly stuff and I do use LOL occasionally. I should do it more though. @exuberantBlackberry9105
