A place for Vase and Berry
Hi @bestVase7265 This is a place where we can chat with each other. Thank you so much for supporting me, Vase. I'm very grateful and I'm happy to continue our previous conversion here. 😊
Sending lots of strength and peace. You are understandably worn out.Â
I am hoping that once you return to school that things will feel a bit more smooth. Right now it feels as though all the fear of what is going to happen next is overwhelming you. You kind of just need for the exams to start happening.
You will do the best you can with the circumstances. That will be enough. Hopefully then things will feel just a bit better. You can do this.Â
@bestVase7265 thanks. i'm done with my social studies (history, political science, geography and economics) exam today. it didn't exactly go well. the paper was actually pretty easy. but i hadn't studied, so no wonder i messed up. plus, i was so sleepy during the exam. i went to bed at 2:30 am and got up at 6. and i wasn't really even feeling well, my hands felt so weak (happens a lot when i'm too sleep deprived) so my handwriting was awful. and spelling lol, spelling can be hard to make out in messy handwriting but i just hope it's fine because this is not an english exam and the teachers wont deduct marks for wrong spellings.
and i came home and realised that i got at least 2 mcqs wrong. one i got right by guesswork. i dunno about the rest. for the longer answers i really dont know if i'll get marks for the crap i've written. i literally just wrote whatever came to my mind, because i really hadnt studied. for history, i never read the textbook for myself, i just had my mother explain the chapters to me. for political science, my mother explained half the chapter to me and i was supposed to read the rest by myself but i never did. for geography, my mother explained half the chapter and i was supposed to read the whole thing by myself and that's what i was trying to do last night but my concentration was gone and i couldnt do it. and i didnt even open my economics textbook until 6:20 am this morning. my mother didnt explain anything, i didnt read anything. i just tried reading bits and pieces this morning but i dont think it helped.
tomorrow i have english. i dont want to mess up my english exam. i have 5 lessons and 2 poems to read thoroughly go through the notebook and revise grammar. and it's getting late. almost 11 pm. i have so much to do.
oh, and look, during the exams this time, we have to sit with 8th graders. their exam gets over at 10 am. ours gets over at 10:15 am. so i dunno how i'm supposed to use the last 15 minutes to write. the 8th graders start taking and making noise and the 9th graders start whispering. it's distracting. i am especially worried about maths because my maths exam generally gets over at the last minute. i think the school is pretty stupid to do this to be honest. our exam is 50 marks. theirs is 40. we need more time.
okay, this is random but during lunch today my mother and i were talking. she was in a good mood and we were just talking. i was talking about how our invigilator was observant enough (as in not being able to hear some extremely obvious whispers). and then about how the different invigilator who comes for like 15 minutes in between was really bad. like very very bad. he was talking, asking random questions (like "who teaches you this subject?"), having students answer them, laughing and even talking in hindi (i go to an english medium school and teachers arent supposed to speak to students in hindi/marathi unless they are teaching the language). and you know it, is the invigilator is like that, students will obviously take advantage on it and cheat.
then my mother asked "isn't the vice principal's son in your class? does he not report any on this to his father?" and i go "why would he ever report it? he himself cheats and i know it really well. i remember in the previous french exam, there was an out-of-portion question that the whole class got wrong (as far as i know), except for him. he must have copied from his 10th grade bench partner, that's the only way he could know. because i doubt that he'd learnt it somewhere outside school and remembered it in the exam. plus, he went wrong with the things that were in the portion and discussed in class a million times. (i know he went wrong with them because he was showing around his paper during paper viewing time). if let's say he learnt it at his tuition class and remembered, how did he not remember the stuff that's been done in school so many times? how does his memory even work? he has to have copied. so why would such a person not like a talkative, inattentive invigilator?"
and then my mother goes "your logical reasoning is really good! you should study either philosophy or law. the way you analyse and put everything together is really good."
now, that is really good to hear. i felt good hearing that my mother likes at least something about me and she said it. i like hearing such stuff from her. but i dont get what she really means. what logical reasoning? like i dont know, i just think a lot and i dunno the rest. i dont understand this. and what even is philosophy? and why does she even suggest i should study either that or law? plus, i really dont think becoming a lawyer is what i wanna do with my life.
What's done on those other exams is done and all you can do is focus on the English one. I bet that you will do well on that.
Sorry about the talking during the exam, but I liked the conversation that you had with your mother about it. She is right about you having high quality logical reasoning skills. Those kinds of skills are indeed very valuable in the adult world. What she means is that you think carefully about what is being done and why people are doing it. Some of your conclusions about yourself have got some errors, but the key is that you are watching carefully to look for the reasons why things are happening. Yes, the legal world is a possibility, but I am starting to think that you might really enjoy studying psychology so you could help other people too. The brain is actually really complicated and there are lots of ways of studying how brains grow and are shaped both by experiences and by the chemicals in them. It is a field that also involves lots of logical reasoning. You can ask questions like "why did the baby pick up the blue toy rather than the red one?" or "why does exercise release pleasure brain chemicals?" Philosophy is also really interesting but it goes even wider in terms of asking questions about why people exist and how they act in society. But all of these fields are things that you can start looking into as you get older. It is nothing to worry about now. All you need to do right now is keep your eyes and ears open for moments like today. They will guide you in the path to follow. It is a lot less frightening to think about the future in this way than to let it scare you. You are developing cool skills that can be used in a variety of different ways. @exuberantBlackberry9105
i didnt finish my exam today. had four more words left to write. my last sentence of the story writing question ended with "when i". i dunno how many marks i'll lose for that. i four words left to write "was in 2nd grade". i tried hurrying up but couldn't make it. the comprehension took up too much of my time and grammar, literature and writing all had to be done in so little time.
and also, i gave the exam without even looking once over 2 entire lessons. the ones that i did read yesterday or today morning too, i never read properly. so i don't what if i'll be marked for the nonsense i've written based on whatever was left in my memory.
why am i doing this? exams would be so much less stressful if i just studied. but also, i wonder, how do i even somehow manage without studying? how, just how? like i don't score well but i do generally score better than most others (except in maths). do they study even less than me or what really happens? how can i just write whatever comes to my mind and still gets marks sometimes?
