A place for Vase and Berry
Hi @bestVase7265 This is a place where we can chat with each other. Thank you so much for supporting me, Vase. I'm very grateful and I'm happy to continue our previous conversion here. 😊
Sending lots of strength and peace. You are understandably worn out.Â
I am hoping that once you return to school that things will feel a bit more smooth. Right now it feels as though all the fear of what is going to happen next is overwhelming you. You kind of just need for the exams to start happening.
You will do the best you can with the circumstances. That will be enough. Hopefully then things will feel just a bit better. You can do this.Â
@bestVase7265 thanks. i'm done with my social studies (history, political science, geography and economics) exam today. it didn't exactly go well. the paper was actually pretty easy. but i hadn't studied, so no wonder i messed up. plus, i was so sleepy during the exam. i went to bed at 2:30 am and got up at 6. and i wasn't really even feeling well, my hands felt so weak (happens a lot when i'm too sleep deprived) so my handwriting was awful. and spelling lol, spelling can be hard to make out in messy handwriting but i just hope it's fine because this is not an english exam and the teachers wont deduct marks for wrong spellings.
and i came home and realised that i got at least 2 mcqs wrong. one i got right by guesswork. i dunno about the rest. for the longer answers i really dont know if i'll get marks for the crap i've written. i literally just wrote whatever came to my mind, because i really hadnt studied. for history, i never read the textbook for myself, i just had my mother explain the chapters to me. for political science, my mother explained half the chapter to me and i was supposed to read the rest by myself but i never did. for geography, my mother explained half the chapter and i was supposed to read the whole thing by myself and that's what i was trying to do last night but my concentration was gone and i couldnt do it. and i didnt even open my economics textbook until 6:20 am this morning. my mother didnt explain anything, i didnt read anything. i just tried reading bits and pieces this morning but i dont think it helped.
tomorrow i have english. i dont want to mess up my english exam. i have 5 lessons and 2 poems to read thoroughly go through the notebook and revise grammar. and it's getting late. almost 11 pm. i have so much to do.
oh, and look, during the exams this time, we have to sit with 8th graders. their exam gets over at 10 am. ours gets over at 10:15 am. so i dunno how i'm supposed to use the last 15 minutes to write. the 8th graders start taking and making noise and the 9th graders start whispering. it's distracting. i am especially worried about maths because my maths exam generally gets over at the last minute. i think the school is pretty stupid to do this to be honest. our exam is 50 marks. theirs is 40. we need more time.
okay, this is random but during lunch today my mother and i were talking. she was in a good mood and we were just talking. i was talking about how our invigilator was observant enough (as in not being able to hear some extremely obvious whispers). and then about how the different invigilator who comes for like 15 minutes in between was really bad. like very very bad. he was talking, asking random questions (like "who teaches you this subject?"), having students answer them, laughing and even talking in hindi (i go to an english medium school and teachers arent supposed to speak to students in hindi/marathi unless they are teaching the language). and you know it, is the invigilator is like that, students will obviously take advantage on it and cheat.
then my mother asked "isn't the vice principal's son in your class? does he not report any on this to his father?" and i go "why would he ever report it? he himself cheats and i know it really well. i remember in the previous french exam, there was an out-of-portion question that the whole class got wrong (as far as i know), except for him. he must have copied from his 10th grade bench partner, that's the only way he could know. because i doubt that he'd learnt it somewhere outside school and remembered it in the exam. plus, he went wrong with the things that were in the portion and discussed in class a million times. (i know he went wrong with them because he was showing around his paper during paper viewing time). if let's say he learnt it at his tuition class and remembered, how did he not remember the stuff that's been done in school so many times? how does his memory even work? he has to have copied. so why would such a person not like a talkative, inattentive invigilator?"
and then my mother goes "your logical reasoning is really good! you should study either philosophy or law. the way you analyse and put everything together is really good."
now, that is really good to hear. i felt good hearing that my mother likes at least something about me and she said it. i like hearing such stuff from her. but i dont get what she really means. what logical reasoning? like i dont know, i just think a lot and i dunno the rest. i dont understand this. and what even is philosophy? and why does she even suggest i should study either that or law? plus, i really dont think becoming a lawyer is what i wanna do with my life.
What's done on those other exams is done and all you can do is focus on the English one. I bet that you will do well on that.
Sorry about the talking during the exam, but I liked the conversation that you had with your mother about it. She is right about you having high quality logical reasoning skills. Those kinds of skills are indeed very valuable in the adult world. What she means is that you think carefully about what is being done and why people are doing it. Some of your conclusions about yourself have got some errors, but the key is that you are watching carefully to look for the reasons why things are happening. Yes, the legal world is a possibility, but I am starting to think that you might really enjoy studying psychology so you could help other people too. The brain is actually really complicated and there are lots of ways of studying how brains grow and are shaped both by experiences and by the chemicals in them. It is a field that also involves lots of logical reasoning. You can ask questions like "why did the baby pick up the blue toy rather than the red one?" or "why does exercise release pleasure brain chemicals?" Philosophy is also really interesting but it goes even wider in terms of asking questions about why people exist and how they act in society. But all of these fields are things that you can start looking into as you get older. It is nothing to worry about now. All you need to do right now is keep your eyes and ears open for moments like today. They will guide you in the path to follow. It is a lot less frightening to think about the future in this way than to let it scare you. You are developing cool skills that can be used in a variety of different ways. @exuberantBlackberry9105
i didnt finish my exam today. had four more words left to write. my last sentence of the story writing question ended with "when i". i dunno how many marks i'll lose for that. i four words left to write "was in 2nd grade". i tried hurrying up but couldn't make it. the comprehension took up too much of my time and grammar, literature and writing all had to be done in so little time.
and also, i gave the exam without even looking once over 2 entire lessons. the ones that i did read yesterday or today morning too, i never read properly. so i don't what if i'll be marked for the nonsense i've written based on whatever was left in my memory.
why am i doing this? exams would be so much less stressful if i just studied. but also, i wonder, how do i even somehow manage without studying? how, just how? like i don't score well but i do generally score better than most others (except in maths). do they study even less than me or what really happens? how can i just write whatever comes to my mind and still gets marks sometimes?
random question, do you think my english sounds good? my mother told me today that my english is really good. but i don't think it is. i feel like it's nothing very good, but just fine. i mean, my vocabulary is pretty poor in my opinion and i forget grammar when i'm talking on 7 cups. is it bad for me to ignore grammar here when i talk to much here? should i start talking keeping grammar in mind, especially capitalisation and punctuation? i mean, i do that just fine when i handwrite to type anywhere but 7 cups, but i dont know if this could still be bad for me.
and good news, doing maths so far hasnt resulted in any yelling. and my mother told me to not worry about my marks. she says that i just need to stay calm when i'm solving and work with whatever that i do know. apparently if i just apply all that correctly, i will definitely get over 40/50 is what she says. but that's the hard part. i panic a lot during maths exams.
Lots of good stuff here really. Why do you do fairly well on exams compared to others even if you don't complete all the readings - you are quite bright. I know you don't believe that, but as an instructor I can tell. Now you won't always be able to get away with not reading as things get more complex as you get older and you get highly stressed when you don't do the work, so I don't advise you continue doing that. But you are smart. That is obvious.
As far as maths goes, your mom is right about that. I know it panics you, but if you keep calm and take a deep breath or two when the panic starts you should probably be pretty good.
Writing so much on 7 Cups is definitely improving your English. Your grammar might not be perfect, but you know how to get ideas across quite well. That is a very important skill. The key to language ultimately is fluency - getting to the point where you can write and speak almost without thinking about how to write the next phrase. That you can do. Grammar is something you can work on in terms of capitalization, but that is more about paying attention to it when you are doing formal writing. You can start to do that a bit with 7 Cups to practice so grammar becomes more natural, but I wouldn't force it too much. You will get there.Â
I am glad that your mom continues to be a bit more supportive for a second day. It may not continue but it is a blessing as long as it lasts.
last night i went to bed relatively early (around 12:40 am). i fell asleep soon after, luckily. and i had asked my mother to wake me up at 5:15 am because i had stuff left to study and i was too sleepy at night. but i woke up 10 minutes before i had to, and i was so wide awake and panicking. it was so bad this morning and nothing was helping. it was so hard to study. i tried laying down and sleeping for like 15 minutes but couldn't. just nothing helped.
luckily during the exam though i was pretty calm. and it wasn't that hard either. yeah i definitely went wrong with a few questions and i left a lot of questions half-done because i ran out of time. plus, i was panicking a lot during the last 15 minutes. anyway, being done with it is was a huge relief.
but i cam home and realised i forgot my pouch and geometry box is school, probably under my desk. i feel so bad about it. what if it's not there tomorrow and someone steals it? all my important stationery will be gone. i feel horrible.
i tried napping in the afternoon and i could hardly sleep at all. i don't understand what's going on but i couldn't sleep. then when i had to get up, i just got up and did nothing all evening. wasted all my time.
i have so much to study and and really don't feel like i can do it anymore. i don't feel like studying. the only two things i want to do are to lie in bed and cry my eyes out and hopefully fall asleep some day, or stand in the balcony in the cold and see the moon. i hate studying. i don't want to study. i'm a mess and the last thing i want to do is study. i don't think i have a choice. i need to study, i really do. but i don't want to.
i'm crying right now. okay maybe i'll do a little and then go to sleep and do whatever i can in the morning. i need to get to school early tomorrow though so to increase my likeliness of finding my pouch and geometry box before someone steals it.
i'm so sleep deprived. like i haven't slept more than 4.5 hours at night since saturday. i don't know how i'll manage like this. daytime naps arent helping either.
my exams get over on friday. i wish i could come home on friday and just sleep, but i cant. i have to go buy clothes for my birthday and i hate shopping for clothes, it takes ages to find something i like and feel comfortable in. so i wont be able to sleep all day on friday after the exam. my birthday's on saturday and i don't want to spend my birthday sleeping half the day, you know? and on sunday i have to work on completing my incomplete work so i don't keep falling behind on schoolwork, and i also have to do that stupid internship photo thing i still haven't done. so when do i even sleep?
i'm setting myself up for a huge decline in my marks for french. i have hardly studied at all today. and i'm supposed to revise all the grammar we've learnt so far and that's so much. it's 12:48 am. i cant do it anymore. i'm going to bed now and leaving almost everything for the morning. this time my friend's gonna beat me this time when it comes to marks for french. i don't think i can avoid that anymore if i just wont study. i'll try to wake up early tomorrow i guess.
Listen, having so many exams in a row is hard. You are exhausted and that is understandable. Just do the best that you can for the last few days. Take lots of deep breaths during the tests.
You are trying to sleep and that is good even if it doesn't always work out. Again, until the exam stress is over you won't be able to relax enough. That is okay.
If you could have a good birthday what would it look like? I tend to actually enjoy pretty quiet birthdays where I just don't worry about my usual responsibilities. We also use spread things out quite a bit. Maybe your mom would agree to wait a few days on the birthday shopping, maybe next week. She is going to know how exhausted you are after the exams and that you don't particularly like shopping. So resting on Friday sounds like a good option so you can have a nice day on Saturday. At least you aren't taking a test on your birthday this year. Are there special foods that you have on your birthday? Happy early birthday!!! I am going to keep wishing you a special one.Â
@bestVase7265 yeah, it's really hard. but these are unit tests and they're always in a row with no breaks or study leaves. for term exams (like we had in september and will have in march), we get study leaves before each exam.
i so regret not studying yesterday. my exam today, especially the grammar section could've been so much easier if i just studied.
i studied a bit today though. i have lots more to do but i dont feel like it and i don't wanna go back to watching youtube so i guess i'll just talk here if it's okay. might talk a bit too much about my birthday. i guess i used to consider it a wonderful special day and used to be excited for it. but not anymore and it feels weird. sorry if i'm making such a small thing into such a big deal and such a mess. but things are just so different this year...
i don't see why i should bother thinking about if i could have a good birthday. i can't, i really can't. a birthday is just a stupid reminder and i'm growing older when i really dont want to. it cant be good. thanks a lot for wishing me though.
okay, so for not worrying about usual responsibilities, for me that would be schoolwork and cleaning my room. i still have to tidy my room, i dont want it to be dusty and messy. and i wanna do something fun that keeps me distracted from everything that comes with possibly a very sad, disappointing day.
and the clothes shopping cant wait. i need something new to wear on saturday. in my family, we're supposed to wear new clothes on out birthday and i don't have anything completely new. so i need to buy something before my birthday so we can wash and dry it for me to wear on the day. new clothes, special food and temple visits are some stuff that just has to be done for birthdays in my family, especially for mine. luckily i managed to get out of having to eat fish, that's something you need to have on birthdays, in most bengali families.Â
yeah she was talking about how it will be hard to shop if i'm sleepy and said we should have done it during winter holidays. but we didnt so now we have nothing to do. normally we buy clothes a bit in advance but this year it's been left for the last moment. so i cant rest tomorrow after the exam.
i think the only good thing about my birthday this year is that i don't have an exam on it. and because i'll be 15, i'll be able to become a listener on 7 cups (though i'm not sure if i should do that when i have so much school stuff to manage). the rest, i dont hope for anything good. my mother's probably just gonna keep talking about how i just have 3 years left and stuff. i hate her saying that. i'm pretty there is no magic that'll happen in 3 years and i suddenly wont be a child anymore. i dunno what plans she has.
anyway, i won't be surprised if my parents dont give me any birthday present this year. no, not at all. you see, i've been complaining about my bed a lot and how i dont like how hard it is. so a few weeks ago my parents kinda tried getting the mattress topper fixed saying it would soften my bed. well, guess what? it didnt. so my mother told me she'll find me something new that's soft, by my birthday as sort of a birthday gift. i knew she wouldn't be able to do that but i didnt say anything.
i casually brought it up today because i am fed up of my bed and she's like "oh, i didnt have time for it." i wasn't surprised. i just asked "fine, so anything else for my birthday this time?" and she said "we'll go to buy clothes tomorrow. what else do you want?" and it wasnt her asking me, it was in the "you have everything you need" tone.
i stayed silent. as far as i remember, every year till my 11th birthday, i woke up to different kinds of surprises on my birthday. then for the next three years, she'd ask me about what i wanted and i didn't mind telling her or writing it down for her, even though it meant that it wouldn't be a surprise anymore. no such questions this year, and her tone definately says something. guess i'm just growing up?
every year i get new clothes for my birthday. not once has it been considered my birthday gift. not ever. and now after all these years, i have to consider clothes a gift? well, okay. i guess i must learn to do that. i must learn that i'm not a kid anymore to get birthday gifts. fine. and you know what? i dont want anything. i dont want anything that she doesnt really want to give me. i dont want anything given out of compulsion, just for the sake of doing it. i really, really dont want anything.
okay i should stop talking now. i need to study and sleep. science exam tomorrow have tons left to study.
