Pregnant but don’t want to be.
TW: miscarriage mentioned
.
.
.
.
I am 22 years old, I still live with my parents, I work full time, and I am pregnant. I never wanted kids or had the desire to become a mother. Recently I had found out at 2-3 weeks that im pregnant and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it, but my boyfriend made it seem like a good idea to keep it, so I was confident in telling my family. Everyone is excited and happy for me, and honestly so was I, at first. Now I am around 5-6 and starting to have second thoughts, I feel so guilty..
I started to think about all the things I still wanted to do but won’t be able to do anymore, like travel and not have responsibilities, be a kid for as long as I can, advance in my career, go to uni. I realised I’m not ready to give up that freedom, I feel very trapped on how to feel or how to cope with it. I am not intending to have an abortion, what’s done is done, but sometimes I secretly wish for a miscarriage and I feel like a disgusting human being. I don’t feel any connection or emotional attachment to the pregnancy, no maternal instinct and I’m afraid I won’t ever feel what I should feel for the baby.
@Gh0sstt
I think more women have had those thoughts too... some may never say or write it like you have ... but felt how is my life going to change... what will i mess out on etc.
No one can tell you it will all be good or work out but honestly what changes in our life are guaranteed. I have known many who said they had no maternal feelings until after the birth... especially with the first child no one expects you to know it all and it be all instinct.
Have you spoken to your BF and does he have any doubts... honestly having a child is a huge life change that we get 9 months to prepare for ................imagine all the other things in life like accident or illness that can dramatically alter your life in a second....
I don't know if it helps but I wanted to share some of my story. I felt that way almost like I could've written it myself with both my pregnsncies. I found out sbout them super early, like you did. I lost the first one at 10 weeks. I felt so guilty about how much relief I felt about the miscarriage, but it didn't hit me until I lost it that I had just lost a baby. My baby. Second pregnancy came around. Felt the same way. Didn't want to be pregnant at all. I was convinced I would lose it again since I lost the first one, and was in denial of the pregnancy for a few months. And I never stopped hating being pregnant. But I love my boy. He's 4 months old now. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone in how you feel, and you will be okay. I wish all the best ❤️🩹
@Grace528 thank you for posting your story, it is very kind, give your boy a big hug!
Listening - One Step At A Time!
@Gh0sstt Hi there, as the other posters say, you are not alone in feeling these things. So many changes happen to the body during pregnancy, all of the hormonal balances change and our feelings and emotions swing up and down too. Do you have anyone you can confide in that you trust? I feel it is important to talk about things. Guilt is an emotion too, so maybe chatting will help? I am around most days if it helps to talk to someone here. Just click on the blue butterfly to go to my profile.
One thing I do know from experience is that although your life will change, having children when we are young does mean that we can grow up together and still have a 'second childhood' with our kids?
Whatever you feel, whatever you decide, whatever happens, be kind to yourself.
Listening - One Step At A Time!
I did think about the second childhood thing. Watching someone grow and experiencing their own childhood, it sounds nice. Thankyou for you words ❤️
@Gh0sstt You are welcome💛, please keep in touch and post or message about how you are getting on 😃
Listening - One Step At A Time!
