Pregnant but don’t want to be.
TW: miscarriage mentioned
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I am 22 years old, I still live with my parents, I work full time, and I am pregnant. I never wanted kids or had the desire to become a mother. Recently I had found out at 2-3 weeks that im pregnant and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it, but my boyfriend made it seem like a good idea to keep it, so I was confident in telling my family. Everyone is excited and happy for me, and honestly so was I, at first. Now I am around 5-6 and starting to have second thoughts, I feel so guilty..
I started to think about all the things I still wanted to do but won’t be able to do anymore, like travel and not have responsibilities, be a kid for as long as I can, advance in my career, go to uni. I realised I’m not ready to give up that freedom, I feel very trapped on how to feel or how to cope with it. I am not intending to have an abortion, what’s done is done, but sometimes I secretly wish for a miscarriage and I feel like a disgusting human being. I don’t feel any connection or emotional attachment to the pregnancy, no maternal instinct and I’m afraid I won’t ever feel what I should feel for the baby.