Conquering your goals: Setting the right goals!
Hi everyone!
I hope this message finds you well. We’re excited to kick off our series with an important topic: setting the right goals.
Often, we become so fixated on achieving certain goals that we forget to ask if they’re truly worth pursuing. I recently saw a social media post that resonated with me: “Just because something is hard to achieve doesn’t mean it’s worth having.” This got me thinking—sometimes we chase after goals simply because they’re challenging, assuming that difficulty equates to value. But is that always the case?
Many of us find ourselves striving for goals that might not be right for us for several reasons:
- Social Pressure: You might feel the urge to achieve something because others around you are doing it. For instance, you might desire a particular car just because your trendy cousin has one.
- Seeking External Validation: We often pursue goals to gain approval from others or to enhance our self-worth. For example, people sometimes go through drastic changes in appearance or lifestyle to be admired or accepted.
- Uncertainty About What You Want: If you’re unsure of your own desires or values, you might end up chasing whatever seems popular or desirable at the moment.
- Insecurities: Sometimes, we set goals to address personal insecurities or boost our self-esteem. For instance, buying designer clothes might be an attempt to feel more valuable or worthy.
It’s completely normal to care about others' opinions, want to be liked, or struggle with insecurities. The problem arises when we pursue goals just to escape these feelings without a deeper purpose. It’s like putting a band-aid on a wound instead of addressing the root cause.
To avoid chasing the wrong goals, let’s start by reflecting on what truly matters to us. Begin by considering your core values and evaluating whether your goals align with them.
Here are some common core values to consider:
- Integrity: Adhering to strong moral and ethical principles. (e.g., Honesty, trustworthiness, transparency)
- Responsibility: Taking accountability for your actions and duties. (e.g., Dependability, reliability, commitment)
- Compassion: Showing empathy and concern for others’ well-being. (e.g., Kindness, supportiveness, generosity)
- Justice: Advocating for fairness and equality. (e.g., Fairness, equality, impartiality)
- Family: Prioritizing relationships and responsibilities within your family. (e.g., Loyalty, nurturing, support)
- Health: Prioritizing physical and mental well-being. (e.g., Wellness, balance, self-care)
❗If you don't know what values matter to you. Consider this activity!
Tasks to complete (You are required to complete the tasks if you aim to get the certificate associated with the series)
Please complete both
- Identify which core values resonate with you most and reflect on whether your goals align with the life you truly desire. You can choose values not listed here.
- Say you have achieved this goal. What does your life look like now? Using your words, paint a vivid picture of it. Take us there! Be as specific as possible (without giving personal details)
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!
Further Reading
This post is part of the Conquering Your Goals Series. Check out all the posts here.
@Hope
1. Identify which core values resonate with you most and reflect on whether your goals align with the life you truly desire. You can choose values not listed here.
There are a lot of core values that resonate with me the most. Thinking about the one that aligns the most with the life I truly desire would be purpose. Thinking about what purpose as a personal core value represents, I would use it is an umbrella like term and the following aspects as subsets that build the umbrella to make the overall core value of purpose be possible.
- Passion: Chasing what ignites your soul
- Challenge: To keep challenging myself to grow, learn, improve
- Skillfulness: To continually practice and improve my skills, and apply myself fully when using them
- Excitement: To seek, create and engage in activities that are exciting, stimulating or thrilling
- Sensuality: To create, explore and enjoy experiences that stimulate the five senses
- Curiosity: To be curious, open-minded and interested; to explore and discover
- Assertiveness: To respectfully stand up for my rights and request what I want
- Persistence: To continue resolutely, despite problems or difficulties
- Self-development: To keep growing, advancing or improving in knowledge, skills, character, or life experience
- Open-mindedness: To think things through, see things from other’s points of view, and weigh evidence fairly
- Fitness: To maintain or improve my fitness; to look after my physical and mental health and wellbeing
- Contribution: To contribute, help, assist, or make a positive difference to myself or others
- Pleasure: To create and give pleasure to myself or others
- Self-care: To look after my health and wellbeing, and get my needs met
2. Say you have achieved this goal. What does your life look like now? Using your words, paint a vivid picture of it. Take us there! Be as specific as possible (without giving personal details)
In general, the reason I chose purpose as the core value that most resonates with me the most and aligns the most with the life I truly desire is because for most of my life it is something that did not exist and was not possible. At least not anywhere or anyhow I would innovation it would be like in "a perfect world".
Additionally, each other subset are some of the things that helps explain, build upon, and outline what I see purpose meaning to me. And individually, each of the subsets can be core values that resonate with me in their own respect.
@Hope the values is a little bit complicated for me. I value a lot of things, and their value-value is changing depending on the context. For example.
My most important things in a romantic relationship: compassion, understanding, willingness to work on things, being able to listen
But for example for my own goals, it depends on the goal, how it serves me and why. There are goals I want to do because I feel like they will help me with my quality of life in some way. But also goals that are there just because I want them to, these are often creative projects.
What all of these have in common when it comes to goal setting is probably my desire for self improvement, learning and challenge, but what other values they have under them really depends on the situation, as I like keeping a wide selection to choose from.
For example, I reflected on my life and how will it look like if I stay at school. I didn't like what I saw and left. Instead, I chose a part time retail job, that doesn't follow me home. Here, I prioritised my mental and physical health, giving my body and mind an opportunity to rest from the years of chronic stress. I chose a store with moderate visitor frequency and high customer contact, as i love talking to people and helping them, but also didn't want to get overwhelmed. The half time is also giving me a health benefit I so desperately needed. I talked to my boss on the interview about my low energy levels, and she agreed to give me a starting time of 4-5hours that we will gradually increase. Despite my family wasn't very pleased, I know what I'm doing and couldn't be happier. This slowing down is helping me collect myself so then I can run again. Maybe I will pursue psychology later. But during this time, I'm making sure to document the work I do when it comes to arranging the displays, in case I wanted to go in that career direction later. So would say this goal values health, flexibility, rest, and human contact the most, with a little bit of creativity and just enough variety to not get bored.
My biggest goal currently is move to my boyfriends country, but that has a long way to go. I am slowly learning the language, and working on my skills and financial situation to get a headstart together in life. However, my family is very overprotective, what is preventing me from going there. I know they just want to protect me, but it's too much. I'm on an adult skill level of a 15 years old at best. This goal prioritises independence, freedom and love.
How would my life look if things worked out for me? I'm a married mom of an army of kiddos, confident in my abilities and able to deal with things life throws my way without hiding behind my own mom. I work in a career I enjoy, or work on getting my psychology degree on the side if I choose to do so. Life is great.
