Weekly Prompt #3: What helped you understand and accept your sexuality/gender identity

@ASilentObserver

anime and memes

anime sparked my intrest when i noticed traps/femboys are..well a thing and after doing sevral deep doves i was intiakky hesitant and thought no way i like guys 

but then

people like one topic , the click , jaemy and other youtubers gave me an insight into what its like being an lgbtq person and i learned lgbtq folk are well folk with their own dreams and ideas and hoes and lives

so i decided to join lgbtq friendly *** servers and talk to lgbt folk and see what happens

with memes , frendos and plas , and some anime fan art and lewds i slowly removed all the entrinched anti lgbtq rhetoric from inside me that was forced upon by being raised in a religious christian family in a very conservitave and poor community inside a third world country in the middle east

there was a lot of it

but with time and effort and more meme ids and interaction ..etc i got to it

for a while i was hesitant even online to call myself what i truly felt

it took going to lgbt subreddits , some of them gone by now , and interact openly with other legbtq folk that i slowly again grew to accept a simple fact

i was bisexual

yet because i remain where i am im still in the closet , so i almost went a full circle heh  

@scorpionpolktanktree thank you for sharing scorpion. It seem like exploring your interests in anime and memes, as well as connecting with LGBTQ+ individuals online, played a big role in helping you understand and accept your sexuality and gender identity. Well, while you remaining in the closet due to your current circumstances, you made notable progress on this journey. We are all here for you

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@ASilentObserver I like everyone. No matter who they are. I think everyone is beautiful. I didn't know and I don't know what my bisexuality is specifically. I just like people. Specifically foreigners. But I like Americans bcuz we're all foreigners

@indigoEyes2672 that is nice eyes. you have a lot of acceptance for others. How do you feel about yourself?

@ASilentObserver

For me, there are people where I feel truly myself and can share my identity. There are others I feel I cannot. Especially in my current journey into a profession that is highly scrutinized by their peers, I really have to flip an on and off switch of who I am at times. I usually tell people that I don't discuss relationships, and that gets them to not ask any further. There are times where someone asks about my partner and we are in a more open community, so I gladly talk about her. In others, I lie and say I am single. It eats at me, but my partner is in a similar situation as well. I'm glad that we don't feel any animosity towards each other about it since we both have to do this odd balance based on where we live and work. The issue comes when I can't remember who I have said things to. Slowly, I am realizing that no matter what I do someone could dislike me or reject me. At the end of the day, that's not someone I want to be around anyways, so I have felt a bit more open and just shared that I have an LGBTQ+ relationship. This can be dangerous, so I am not going to gloss over that aspect especially for where I live. But at the end of the day, I was born who I am, and if you are religious and struggling with that aspect, then just know we each have our own paths to navigate. I choose to be with someone that loves and supports me more than anyone else I have ever met. For living in a religious area, I was always told to interpret texts for myself, and this has helped me with the stress of "right or wrong." For me, someone came into my life that helps me be a better person, and I don't think I deserve to be treated as a lesser person for who that individual happens to be. There are many identities that we navigate aside from just this one, and I find more difficulty in those others personally. If anyone reads this from a rural place like me and also struggles, just know you are not alone in this world.

@AshtheSloth28 It seems like you are grappling with balancing aspects of yourself across different areas of your life. You want to feel authentic while navigating various social situations and expectations. What kinds of emotions come up for you as you walk this tightrope?

@ASilentObserver when in the midst of grappling with my identity, there is anxiety and fear. There is also peace when I become more rooted in myself. It is a balance.

@ASilentObserver

I would say that not putting pressure on myself to conform to other people's ideals of gender helped me feel more found in my identity. I feel very centered in my identity as a two-spirit and nonbinary or trans person. To connect my identity to my spirit feels like I was trans in every lifetime, and that sentiment has helped me feel proud and certain about who I am. 

@ForeverForest027 that is a good one forest.  exploring your spirituality and connection to your ancestors is important in helping you understand and accept yourself. How do you feel when you think about sharing this part of yourself with others?

@ASilentObserver for me I have not yet come to terms with my gender or sexuality. Being closet trans is hard and painful but I cannot come to terms with it. Still fighting and looking for answers. It's why I'm here. Lol

@Val8383 I am sorry to hear that being closeted is so hard and painful for you. What thoughts go through your mind when you think about coming out? 

@ASilentObserver is this AI?