Weekly Prompt #1: What challenges have you or others faced as an LGBTQ+/MOGII Person?

@ASilentObserver

Oh, that’s such a good one!

I think trying to explain what “gender-fluid” means. The explaining part isn’t bad, it’s what comes after.

- “so you’re still a girl right?”

- “I dunno why you bother”

- “you can wear pant and be a girl”

- etc.

Being gender fluid is I think for a lot of people a matter of our perception of ourselves. We can see ourselves, in our head as someone we actually relate to and are, not some made up version that people aren’t mad at.

I’d love to hear your take on this! And again thank you for the post ❤️

Oh gosh I can imagine having to deal with comments like that must be really irritating. Thank you for sharing! Some people put a lot of importance on gender and gender expression. Sometimes I don’t understand why they care so much about the way we identify or express ourselves.

Have a good day!

I definitely hear you on this! I’m sorry this has happened to you :(

I still don’t understand how being genderfluid can confuse some people so much since gender in itself is fluid. Being genderfluid can really suck sometimes when people don’t understand what it means and say things like that, when really all that does is hurt us.

It definitely has its challenges but I’ve embraced and loved myself being genderfluid despite what people think or say to me. My mom and grandmother and others used to say things like:

“but does this mean you’re trans?”

“you’re still a girl right?”

”even if you dress like a boy, you’ll always be my granddaughter”

These things are said sometimes out of fear or out of spite and can perpetuate the feelings of individuals struggling with gender dysphoria or mental health issues even more than before. I wish people would understand that we just want a kind, accepting environment where we can be ourselves.

Thanks for sharing!

@Bunny1637 I hear that exploring your gender identity and relating to yourself authentically is important. Not concerning yourself with how others may perceive you, but connecting with who you truly are inside is comforting and being real you. How does it feel when you are able to freely be yourself?

@ASilentObserver

This is a great idea! Also wow this question I could write a whole essay about this probably a book actually lol but I’ll try to keep it short. I’m a trans man and before/during my transition getting misgendered everywhere I went was always a possibility. The process of legally changing my name was challenging to say the least.

Coming out as trans was a lot harder for me than coming out as queer. Convincing my mom to let me change my name and have top surgery was very challenging. Things people told me around that time was: “Why can’t you just live with your body the way it is?”, “I will never call you Alex”, “It would be easier if you were just a lesbian”, “It’s like my daughter is dead”… My mom and I have had a lot of arguments about that but my friends were supportive even if mistakes still happened. My mom is very accepting and supportive now but it took some time.

I’ve started transitioning almost 2 years ago and present very masculine yet some family members I don’t see much still use she/her pronouns for me which is really hurtful I’ve gotta say. The only times I get misgendered now are by people who know I’m trans… which really sucks.

Being trans and all it’s challenges has worsened my anxiety and depression. Suffering from gender dysphoria and suicidal ideation is one of the big impact being trans has had on me in the past. However a lot of trans people, especially trans women of color have experiences that are much worse. I’m lucky to have had this experience.

Thank you for making this post, I look forward to reading everyone else’s answers :)

@ThatboiAlex I can understand how distressing and difficult it must feel to experience all those challenges. While others may face additional challenges, your experiences are valid and matter. Please know that you are not alone. How are you coping with these feelings now? Is there anything you find helpful for your mental wellbeing?

@asilentobserver

I honestly can’t say much. I mostly fly under the radar at work and other places. I don’t want a label to be all people see. I just want them to see me.

@LovingPeacefulHeart

I identify with this statement a lot as well. Personally, I find it extremely exhausting just thinking of coming out to everyone I work or go to school with. Like others have mentioned, there are a lot of comments that I just rather not hear to save my own mental health. I do believe that we should focus on ourselves instead of what others thing but unfortunately I feel like they are both intertwined and we are products of our environment. Education is necessary in the right setting. I prefer not to bring my sexuality and gender history to work or school because it distracts me from my goals.

I'm transmasc and scared to come out but also dealing with dysphoria alone (despite a couple friends) is really hard. Also my transfem friend (potential partner? we're figuring stuff out lol) wanted to get rid of the hair on their legs and she's not out yet but anyway she also works out and here's a tip if people ask why you've shaved them: muscle definition. Even if you don't work out lol.

@LonleyCheese It sounds like you and your friend are navigating some challenging experiences with gender identity and expression, and dealing with that without a strong support system can be really difficult. I can understand feeling scared to come out but also struggling with dysphoria, and wanting to find ways to feel more comfortable in your own body and express yourself. I'm glad you have each other for support, even if you're still figuring things out.

Please know we are all here with you to listen and supporrt and you are not alone in this journey.

@ASilentObserver Thank you! I use cups frequently and I'm so lucky I found it haha, I really love this place. And really, once I tell my dad everyone else should be easy!

@LonleyCheese I am glad you are here with us Cheese. We are all here to listen and support you. <3

@ASilentObserver

can only speak for myself, and my biggest struggle is being constantly patronized, I'm not special, I'm not brave, I'm not a snowflake, I'm just a woman who happens to be trans, live and let live is my motto, can we just normalise LGBTQ just as we do people with glasses ?

@antico I hear that you're frustrated with being patronized and not feeling normalized as a trans woman. The desire to simply be accepted and treated equally is understandable.

Me explaining to my mother that I'm non-binary

"What does that mean?"

"I don't identify as female or male"

"But what does that mean to you?"

"I don't feel like a girl anymore."

"But what does being female mean beyond anatomy?"

"I just don't feel like a female anymore"

I'm sure at this point you can tell where this is going. Still trying to figure out how to explain it.

@NovaIsNB I understand this can be difficult to explain, especially to loved ones who may have a hard time understanding. It sounds like you've tried your best to communicate how you feel, but your mom is still asking a lot of questions to try and wrap her head around it. Sometimes these concepts can be hard for people to grasp, especially if it's very different from their own experiences. Maybe it would help to explain what being non-binary means for you in simpler terms, like that you don't feel 100% like a woman or 100% like a man. You could say that gender exists on a spectrum and you feel somewhere in between. Ultimately though, you know yourself best and you shouldn't have to justify how you identify.

@ASilentObserver

My mom understands that gender is a spectrum. She tried to tell me that I could be a masculine female. Entirely missed the point.

@ASilentObserver I have faced issues with well not being seen. I tend to hide to avoid misgendering and to try not to put myself in situations that make me dysphoric and hurt me, I'm somehow always pushed into situations that make me feel this way, this mainly happens to me in public, my romantic relationships, or with my family or friends.

@Jackkull I'm sorry to hear that you feel unseen and pushed into situations that cause you distress. It sounds difficult to have to hide parts of yourself or avoid certain situations to protect yourself, especially with loved ones. I can understand why that would be painful and hurtful. Please know we are all here with you to listen and support.

@ASilentObserver Thank you... I'm glad to have someone that understands. ^^

Current challenge is my family only using my dead name. I feel like they don't care, they're probably thinking I'm crazy and shouldn't be taken seriously. It's annoying. I chose to isolate myself so I don't feel bad all the time. I understand my parents having a hard time getting used to the new name, not other family members.

@paleale I'm sorry to hear your family is struggling to use your chosen name. It can be difficult for loved ones to adjust to changes, even if those changes are important for your well-being. It sounds frustrating and hurtful to feel like your identity is not being respected or taken seriously. I understand why isolating yourself could feel like a protective measure, though it's also important to have a strong support system. Perhaps it may help to communicate with your family how much using your chosen name means to you, and the impact of misgendering? Would that something be helpful to you?

Please know you are not alone. we are all here with you to listen to and support. We have a 24/7 LGBTQ Support chat which you can join and share. <3

Oh, they know, I already made a post on *** and had to do another on *** about it. They just don't care 🤷 they're not that important to me, so I don't mind keeping a safe distance. The problem is: my grandpa is sick and when I visited him, everyone kept calling me by the dead name, felt like they were doing it on purpose to see how I'd react. It already hurts when my parents do it, I can only take this pain, you know? Too much to deal with.

@paleale it feels frustrating how your family is not respecting your pronouns and chosen name and calling names. That must be really hurtful and difficult to deal with. We are all here with you to listen and support. You are not alone here. You can join us in the LGBTQ Group chat to share more with fellow peers who understand what you going through.

@ASilentObserver

I would personally say the biggest challenge for me was trying to convince my family that being lgbtq+ isn’t something bad and that even if I am gay and demigender it doesn’t mean they’ve failed on me. Another challenge is probably the whys…. People asking me why I’m gay is like asking someone why they breathe in my opinion:)

@Rubylistens22 Hi ruby, I can understand how difficult and painful it must be to feel like you have to convince your family of your identity and have them question aspects of who you are. Not having acceptance and understanding from loved ones can be really challenging.

But please know we are all here with you to listen to and support. you are not alone

@ASilentObserver

aw thank you ob:)

so this is actually hilarious: I'm transmasc and I'm not quite out yet (I'm actually writing the letter as I write this and I'm showing my therapist on monday, wish me luck I guess) and my hair's short so I kind of already look like a boy and even my good friends sometimes forget my gender, and it's rough beause then I have to tell them she/her, but I do typically let them know I'll be changing it eventually, haha.

@ASilentObserver

I am queer and use they/them. Theirs just a lot of misunderstandings when if comes to what that means. For me it's nothing complicated, but others make a big deal out of it saying things like you're just enforcing gender roles or that my gender doesn't exist. It's just frustrating. Some tell me not to come out and that it shouldn't be anyone else's business, but then but their way into my life to tell me how awful and disgusting I am.

Another issue I've ran into is the not "gay enough" sentiment. I just always thought it was crazy how some lgbtqia+ people gatekeep the community from others. It's so counterintuitive. We should all love and welcome each other!

Long story short... let's all please learn to love each other and ourselves. This world is big enough for all of us to live and get along! Educate others on what it truly means to be lgbtquia+ and not the corrupted picture that they have in their head of it!

Stay Safe Out There

Colby <3

So true! It'd be so nice if people could just live and let live...

@LonleyCheese

Absolutely!

@ColbyJack3121 also, I think it is funny how you say that

"I ... use they/them. Theirs just a lot of misunderstandings..."

because like I saw this meme that said, how're nonbinary people going to use they/them and still not know the diffrence between there, their, and they're

it's there's

But yeah, stay safe please, it is dangerous out there

@LonleyCheese

Haha that's what not proofreading get's ya!

@ColbyJack3121 True that, very much so. fr many of my posts have a lot of typos too, haha!

Societies lacking of true acceptance. In reality it doesn’t even rate as tolerance.

The political nonsense for people to live as themselves. I will not progress any further on that part of my journey ever because of society’s ignorance and hatred. I have too many other issues going on and that would be the straw that broke the proverbial camels back.

True acceptance is a basic human right. Animals get treated with way more respect.