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LonleyCheese
2 7,664 M Moving Along 7
PathStep 147 Compassion hearts942 Forum posts461 Forum upvotes518 Current upvotes518 Age GroupTeen Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceOctober 10, 2021
Bio

Hello, I'm Cheese and I often feel unstable but I think I'm mostly okay. I enjoy reading, drawing, and collecting plants. I do not like it when it is too warm in a room, and I only like people online or like 10 people in person. I'm bad at sleeping and ordering food, and keeping my room clean. I don't really play videogames and I like the shows dead end paranormal park and the dragon prince. I'm fairly certain that I'm a guy who mostly wants to date his friends regardless of gender. I really wish I could get access to online shopping so I could buy a binder. I probably don't know you, but I really do hope you're alright. We are going to make it!


Recent forum posts
Overcoming fears about bees through loving them
Hobby Zone / by LonleyCheese
Last post
 August 8th
...See more I got bees a couple of weeks ago, and i'd helped with a beekeeping group all throughout last summer. It's honestly amazing to see how far I have come, because two years ago I would refuse to go outside and I would run away if I thought I saw one, and now I'm standing right next to the hive while bees are flying in and out at random. I've really grown to love the girls over the past year or two now, and I couldn't be more honored to be a beekeeper. My little brother is the same as I used to be, but I think that eventually, he'll warm up to them too! I'm really proud of myself, and grateful for my mother for supporting my special interest. Stay safe out there!
Bees! Any other beekeepers?
Hobby Zone / by LonleyCheese
Last post
 June 1st
...See more Hi! I might be getting beehives in the spring and I'm really excited, because bees are my special intrest! I know a lot about bees (and ants) but I've never had my own hive, any tips for getting started? I should be inherriting some from a group I worked with this past summer, because they decided to disband due to members leaving and the ones that stayed are busy and older. But yeah, any other bee enthusiasts? Or just if you like bugs in general :) what's your favorite bug?
A poem to the spider under my bed
Poetry / by LonleyCheese
Last post
 January 30th
...See more Today I was looking for something under my bed and saw a pretty good-sized spider. However, I have a pet jumping spider, and I'm not too keen to squish them. So I went to get a jar to overwinter the poor scared thing, as it's too cold to let outside. But it (understandably) hid and I couldn't find it. It really got me thinking so I wrote. Here's what I've come up with. Dear little friend  Underneath my bed I saw you while looking for a sheet there Disturbing the home you’d made and scared you I, too, was afraid I went to get a jar to collect you But, when I returned, you had disappeared  I figured I’d feed you until the weather warms up, and I’d let you back outside But you didn’t know, you assumed I would squish you You assumed that being seen as you are would cost your life So you’ve hidden away underneath those same sheets I’m now afraid to touch I didn’t mean to scare you, and you didn’t mean to scare me I’m glad you’ve chosen my room to spend these cold winter months You’ve probably been eating the gnats from my plants A huge favor for me I hope you didn’t get any with the fungicide on them, I hope you’re well I hope that I’ll see you again, keep you safe until it’s safe to go outside Because, little one, I respect you I see you Just another creature getting by I will not squish you But know that we fear you too.
I wrote another poem yay (Wet blindfold)
Poetry / by LonleyCheese
Last post
 August 28th, 2023
...See more Hello i wrote this poem and I think that it doesn't make sense but interpret it how you will. It's kinda sad and could be upsetting. It talks about being tied up and afraid, these are not based on real events. so be warned I guess? Hope yall like it here it is Wet blindfold I’m all alone Yet I can feel them brushing by Clammy and cold Never knowing what's going on I’ve always got to be on guard You blinded me and I can’t see Past this thick cloth around my head My hands are tied too- With simple knots But I’m afraid to untie it on my own Why did you leave me in the dark? Here with my thoughts Why did you tie me up? I’m terrified and I can’t move Scared yet I want to please you of course You’ll still watch as they strike me with pure unrelenting fear My eyes are filled with tears I’m breathing shallow, hardly at all Fear strikes again and I’m starting to bawl My hands are tied and I fall to the ground All curled on the floor and you watch my eyes pour Shaking, trembling I struggle to undo the ropes I peel off the cloth that obscures my eyes And I see that you’re me, you are afraid too And the wet blindfold falls to the ground
Just some vents and events in the life of Cheese
Journals & Diaries / by LonleyCheese
Last post
 August 28th, 2023
...See more I figured it's not a bad idea to have a journal on here, yeah? I have a physical journal but typing it out here is just different in the best way. So here we go? I'm mostly going to talk about my skinpicking, anxiety, and whats going on for me socially I would think? I guess we'll see, and I'll post TW where neccesary too
I think I might have some ocd or something? Either way I keep thinking bad things a bit
General Support / by LonleyCheese
Last post
 May 22nd, 2023
...See more I feel like I should put a TW here? just in case, you know? want yall to keep your brains safe. I'm going to talk some about bad thinks in my brain and skinpicking and I will most likley get a little bit into descriptions more than necesary, so if that sort of thing is not cool for you then please leave for your own safety. I love you guys I do Anyway yeah, I think I might have some very mild OCD or some other related thing because I am near entirely sure I have dermatillomania (skin-picking disorder), because every day I pick at my skin and I can't stop. I tried to get a streak of how many days I could stop for but I couldn't get through the whole day without doing it. I got close though, will try again when I've got less spots. Dermatollomania is an OCD-related disorder I'm pretty sure, either that or anxiety related. My picking isn't so bad personally, my skin doesn't usually leak, but it does get a little reddish/pink, and sometimes it just hurts. Especially if I have scabs from another event, I'll pick them off frequently. And like I said it's not really intense picking, just frequent. I do have a bit of discoloration scattered around the tops of my arms, and some stretch marks from pulling my arms in weird directions to get the backs of them, and some skin that's a different color and texture on my chest. Sometimes when I can't get a bad spot out then I just scratch so bad and I get really scared of myself, even though it isn't that bad. Then I imagine myslef doing it so much worse and I can see my hands in my head, I can see them almost. Just for a moment though, never very long. And the trance, I get into a trance where yes, I am thinking, but I can't really stop from picking. I am mentally screaming at myself when it's bad scratching, but sometimes I look in the mirror and all I have to say is "no" and I just don't? it fluctuates Yes- I have tried trimming my nails short but it just makes it worse, because then, yes, its true- I can't pick. But I still try, which hurts my fingers and I scratch I feel crazy when I do that and it's scary. I broke a thumb nail recently and it is not helping at all but I've still got my left one. I usually pick at my chest, face/arms, random scabs, back, legs, in that order (most frequent to least frequent) Honestly I used to pick my arms the most so that is why they're a bit discolored I think It's really annoying honestly, and it just sucks. I need to stop, I'm scared it will get so bad, I'm scared of what I keep imagining. any ideas to stop thinking at all would be appreciated
(first) panic attack, in my dream? I am confused
Anxiety Support / by LonleyCheese
Last post
 May 2nd, 2023
...See more I was writing this but the my comuter restarted and that was super annoying but admittedly it was very long so I will make this version shorter. Trigger warning- feeling rather panicky, slight hallucinations/seeing things weirdly (I think, although does that count if it was in-dream, as a hallucination? pretty sure no actually), strange creatures/people in my home when they shouldn't be, feeling like I am no going to make it out of this alive with no grounding at all, possibly some other stuff? so please stay safe if you would feel bad reading something like that Alright so uh yeah. I have this bedtime routine for getting downstairs to my bedroom which is about ten paces or so from the stairs, where i breathe, listen, and watch at the specific times to ensure that if there is a strange being that I will hear or see them, and be able to scream. In my dream, I was following this routine when I suddenly felt extremely panicked and I started screaming and was thrown over a table and into a wall by either myself or an unseen force. I lay crumpled in a ball at the base of the wall and I am in a lot of distress, my limbs are also twisting in ways that they should certainly not and keep twitching. When I looked at the room it is spinning and partially black-and-white and folding in on itself like one of those optical illusion gif's that make your eyes funny after looking at them for 30s, you know? the world was spinning and folding basically. anyway my hands were shaking and trying to cover my head and I was probably crying tbh. Also I kept thinking something along the lines of "I'm not going to make it I'm not going to make it" repeated, as i do when I get panicky. well, ususally it's along the lines of "i failed I failed" or "i'm sorry I'm sorry" not "I'm not going to make it" but anyway I could not think anything else besides that and the present and the intense distress I was in. I couldn't think other than that, and when I get panicky I can always pull myslef out or at least think slightly, but noooo I could not even occur to me to try any grounding teccnique For context I have not had a panic attack, to my knowledge anyway, although on occasion I get panicked and it's quite an ugly feeling, but never fearing that I'm not going to make it, or that I can't breathe ect. the dream was different though and I was feeling bad for people who have attacks before but i think I have some empathy now? That was scary and I do not want to experience that again, especially in real life. Actually the day after I was rather panicked at school and at my after-school dnd club I had to take some breaks. But anyway I think that's all, stay safe out there lovelies!
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