Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #6) How to Accept Feedback
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Accepting feedback is a crucial part of being a good leader.
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?
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@Heather225
my most recent feedback was on April 3rd after I came back from a self-care break and it was on my response time. Someone had messaged me while I was on the break I don't know how because my account was deactivated but they could still message me maybe because they were someone I had talked to before. I did take the feedback into account and reached out to a mentor who was very nice and helpful, however, I feel like I was pretty defensive about it to the mentor I kept telling them I was on a self-care break and there was nothing I could do about it and that I didn't even now they texted. and I feel like I am pretty defensive about it at the moment too by mentioning the break at the beginning of the post.
I feel like I could be more accepting of feedback and not take it personally cause it's not about me it's about my work.
1) I honestly don’t remember the last time I received feedback but I do remember I wasn’t that happy about it. I think I reacted that way because I don’t always take criticism well. But I learned from it and tried to improve from it. The video showed me that there is always room for improvement no matter how well we think are doing because nothing/no one is necessarily perfect.
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?
I haven't received feedback recently but I can think of bits here and there that people "suggested" me to do. The thing about feedback is, there is also a possibility that the other person just wants to give one for the sake of it. I don't mind feedback, in fact, I am one of those people who will immediately try to incorporate what I learn from someone who obviously knows more than me, or at least knows the same thing differently. But I choose to be mindful and until I don't understand the full intent and the idea behind it.
How did I react? I said thank you and really took time to understand what they wanted me to.
How did I feel? I felt alright. I don't mind improving how I do things. I just want the other person to be very clear and direct about what they want me to understand, I guess.
Why I reacted and felt that way? I am open to improvement and I won't deny any kind of feedback just because it might not be good hearing it or if I don't understand it at first. I like knowing how I can improve and be more efficient with my limitations.
What I would do differently after watching the video? Nothing, to be honest. I believe I already do what it said and I don't really need to do more of something. Maybe I can and actively ask them exactly how I can improve much more
You can't give your life more time, so give the time you have, more life.
@lueurspace
Yes. That's the attitude and mentality that allows you to grow successfully. It takes a lot of courage, strength and faith also as you receive challenges.
@Heather225
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?
I am always receiving feedback. Feedback comes in many different forms not even mentioned in the video.
Feedback can be either direct or indirect, or in the absolute or non-absolute. Understanding the difference and very important.
It's true that there are people that attack and that are emotionally abusive. That is not an example of constructive feedback. But, on the other hand, we can take those things as a life lesson in order to further more positive conflict resolution.
It is also true that some people feel attacked when they get constructive feedback. The reason for that is because they have trouble accepting themselves.
By promoting and accepting constructive feedback, we are able to grow best.
I look at any and all feedback as a learning and growing opportunity. I find what is best with me and I follow up with myself. Sometimes other people mislead us, either intentionally or unintentionally. That's why it's good to have multiple sources and then to figure it out internally.
@peacefulIris56
I agree feedback comes in all forms! I am a bit curious to know what you mean when you say - "Feedback can be either direct or indirect, or in the absolute or non-absolute. Understanding the difference and very important." If you would be okay with explaining, please do! Feedback is always learning and growing opportunity, I am glad you see it that way. And it's a good point about having multiple sources and then figuring it out internally! Thank you for sharing!
You can't give your life more time, so give the time you have, more life.
@lueurspace You're welcome and thank you for the positive feedback. Feedback can be direct like that of which you gave me. But sometimes feedback is indirect. In an indirect sense, perhaps in an instance I could be talking about a listener giving feedback. I would be referring to the listener in an absolute way but referring to you in a non-absolute way. For example, I could say to you, "You say that feedback is always learning and growing opportunity and that will help you become successful." Or in an indirect sense, I could say "those listeners out there that believe feedback is always learning and growing opportunity will become successful. " The absolute is in a very literal sense. The non-absolute is in a metaphorical and metaphysical sense. For example, a "listener" in the example that I gave you is just a metaphor for "you." Some people are really supportive in this sense and others are really abusive. All in all, each time that we identify with a metaphor, we can easily lose sense of self. So, for example, I can say "those listeners that believe that feedback is learning and growing opportunity will become successful. But they never think that it is a good point to have multiple sources." In that way you identify with the metaphor and the narrative conflicts with your identity, since you stated that you do think that it is a good point to have multiple sources. As a result, you may end up doubting yourself and questioning your identity and going along with the newly created narrative. With the newly created narrative, you then become brainwashed on a subliminal level and you lose your identity and autonomy. Anyone can be speaking about anyone or any thing and be referring to you. Also, their energy and reactions they send to you as well. This universe is synchronized with clouds. So looking at simultaneous occurrences reveals the messages. It can get confusing at times with entanglement. Say they are talking about their spouse and you at the same time. Sometimes it's difficult to differentiate. But as you know yourself more and know who and how you are, you will not be as affected and you will see the person and situation more clearly. That is why it helps to have multiple sources because multiple sources will be conflicting, and then it is up to you to figure out who and how you are versus being brainwashed by one person or even a select group of individuals. Ultimately, your sense of identity comes from yourself. It is when we let others define us, we lose our identity and potential.
@peacefulIris56
Okay, first of all, I would like to say a BIG thank you to you for taking the time to make this response so thorough and explain it so well that it sinks right in for me! The way you have explained actually blew my mind and I had to sit for a while to let the words digest for me. So, I understand that when you are talking about direct feedback, it's the one you are addressing with "you" so the other person "knows" you are talking about them. On the other hand, indirect feedback is the one in which you get a third person as a dummy to give me (the person you are wanting to give the feedback) the feedback. You are not direct about who you are giving it to, which might help me understand it better and be not defensive since I'd feel (on some level) that it's not me you are talking about.
I understand what you mean by "absolute" and "non-absolute" now! And of course, if I have a source who says something which is in conflict with something I personally believe, either I can get influenced or immediately deny the other perspective as mingling with my own (if I am confident with who I am, my identity). If I get influenced, I may doubt myself and lose a part of my identity without even meaning to. The key to not get swayed away by different perspectives in that sense is to develop a better understanding of self and to have multiple sources so that I have to think over it all and come to a conclusion by myself, not just "listen to one person." This was such a valuable thing you have helped me understand, Iris. Thank you so much for this 
You can't give your life more time, so give the time you have, more life.
@lueurspace You're welcome. I am glad that you found my explanation helpfuI. I understand your point of view and how you are seeing this. I personally don't look at it as using a third person as a dummy to give you information. I just like to educate everyone and then have people learn from my education. Different people are at different levels of awareness and understanding. I like to find and point out the strengths and uniqueness in every individual. By looking at is this way, we are able to break out of identifying with a remote object and focus on ourselves more. This makes it easier to grow as a collective as well, especially when we have more open and direct feedback like this. I'm glad that you are taking in the information and learning from it.
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?
Certainly, it's been my ego which has been receiving the feedback and not my rational mind. If my ego is the recipient, I'd feel hurt (as if someone attacked me) and not-good-enough. But if my rational mind is the recipient, I'd be grateful for the learning opportunity and would do four crucial things: 1) Calmly and Patiently listen to the feedback. 2) Be appreciative of them giving me feedback. 3) Ask advice, by asking them how they manage things differently. 4) Ask for follow-up, to ensure if my learning has taken place.
@Fristo
I like how you mention the point about the ego, if it is that which is on the receiving end of it, we may feel like the feedback is a personal attack and feel hurt or as if what we did wasn't good enough. The rational mind is open and will certainly receive the feedback well, as a learning and growing opportunity. I like how you'd be receiving the feedback, the points sound amazing and will help you to grasp it much easier and do better! Love how you say, ensure if learning has taken place, and ask them for a follow-up, didn't cross my mind at first but I value that part of your answer the most. Thank you for sharing!
You can't give your life more time, so give the time you have, more life.
@Heather225
How did you react?
The most recent feedback that I have received it was so positive and good. I reacted very happily.
How did you feel?
I really felt so good. Because someone( member) appreciated me. So that means a lot to me.
Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?
I think because it was really lovely moment for me. And it encouraged me to do more better next time.
What would you do differently after having watched the video?
We don't always receive positive feedbacks only. There are some feedbacks which can makes us feel bad or hurt sometimes. So I will try to be calm and I will think about it that where I need to improve and I will try to learn something from it.
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react?
I reacted positively; I listened to the feedback being given and accepted it.
How did you feel?
The last feedback I recall receiving was some personal feedback from a friend and it was generally positive. It made me feel appreciated for what I do.
Why do you think you reacted and felt that way?
I have learnt throughout the last few years that it is important to listen to and accept feedback, even if it is not something you agree with. Feedback is important because it helps people grow. Positive feedback can positively reinforce the good that people do, while constructive feedback helps people improve.
What would you do differently after having watched the video?
I don’t think I would do anything differently. I have learnt a lot from my experience on 7Cups as well as other areas of my life that have taught me how important accepting feedback is.
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and felt that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?
The most recent feedback I got was the fact that I should work on professionalism and maintain healthy boundaries. I felt a bit upset, but understood how my actions could be perceived as such after a bit of reflection. I reacted by replying to the leader with my side of the situation and asking for tips on how I could improve for the future. I think I reacted and felt the way I did not expect to get negative feedback for prioritizing what to do and figuring out how to make the most impact during the limited time I have to spend on 7Cups when helping out. After having watched the video, I would do things a bit differently by setting a follow-up and show that I’m appreciative that they’re giving me feedback.
@Heather225
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react?
In one of the feedbacks I received recently, I reacted happily.
How did you feel?
I probably felt that I really helped them.
Why do you think you reacted and felt (feel) that way? The message was powerful.
What would you do differently after having watched the video?
If I remember about the feedback video at the right time, I’ll try to have it in mind. If not, I’ll have it in mind at some point after most likely. I usually remember stuff later if not immediately.
@RimeSoul That's really helpful. Thanks for sharing.
In the most recent feedback, I was a little shocked. Primarily because it was related to something I have always taken pride in.
I did not feel good at all.
I think the reason i reacted that way is because I took it personally and became defensive about it instead of seeing it as an opportunity for growth.
After watching the video I think I would just take any feedback as a chance for growth and re-analyse myself for that situation. I would take into consideration the reason for such a feedback. If its positive feedback, I would continue doing that. If its constructive feedback, I would try my best to improve.
@helpfuldipper I am so proud of you for admitting that you took it personal! It is a hard thing to be open about but in reality we all don't take negative criticism well. Taking our negatives into positives is a great way to grow!