Vanlifer dec 7
Day 65 of car life
Sigh.
Was supposed to move into my apartment today, got screamed at by leasing, my money taken and they refused to let me live there.
I had a feeling something would go wrong.
I did stand up for myself tho, sometimes enough is just enough. I talked to every lawyer I could and talked to corporate and wrote reviews still not done tbh, not gonna let this slide.
Corporate offered me a better apartment for cheaper as a way to kiss my butt so that I don't sue but the fact that I'm still not in an apartment when I was supposed to be and that I got screamed at... bothers me. And honestly it only seems better. Idk man...
This kinda just disappointed me tbh. This whole year I've been treated like garbage and my family treated like garbage for 1 simple reason. We don't have enough resources to retaliate. People seem to only respond when your a threat. It's just. Depressing. I think that I'm.ginna lean into that depression tho. I mean I gotta be depressed for a reason it's not like my brain is broken, half of the population is depressed and suicidal, that's for a reason we aren't just crazy. America is depressing. It's a depressing place to live. Being forced to be homeless when you do nothing wrong to anyone and work your butt off everyday is depressing. I'm supposed to be depressed right now it'd be weird if I wasn't. I have to learn to make use of myself in a state of depression instead of running away from it. I'm gonna allow myself to be depressed. It's not my responsibility to cheer anyone up.
I need to work more hours to give myself more leverage over people. Life for me is like the walking dead, it's not the zombies that's the problem it's people... except for me it's not poverty that's my problem... it's people. Living in my car was fine, people ruined that. I managed to get an apartment, people ruined that. Everything good I have is always ruined by people. And the reason they do it is because I can't hurt them. That's why I feel disappointed today because I realized that loud and clear.