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affableTown5581
18 60,954 M Confident Walk 7
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts6,950 Forum posts96 Forum upvotes148 Current upvotes148 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceDecember 1, 2019
Bio

“Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation, are people who want crops without ploughing the ground; they want rain without thunder and lightning; they want the ocean without the roar of its many waters. The struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, or it may be both. But it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will.”

"You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can't control."






Recent forum posts
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Diary, Finally figured it out
Young People of Color / by affableTown5581
Last post
 October 23rd
...See more Just leaving this for my own use as a reminder if and when i log back in. I wondered why ive been so addicted to these messaging style apps and sites. Truthfully its just insecurity. I'm also addicted to self help youtubers. Giving people advice on here helps me feel better about myself, thats pretty much it. No matter how bad im doing i kinda feel like i have my crap together if im giving advice. Not only that but im insecure about my abilities and constantly and desperately looking for answers. I'm always trying to pick peoples brain for a solution to a problem i could honestly figure out on my own. The answer to all my insecurity is just growth. I just got to take the pacifier out. I always wanted to devote a period to my life to just becoming a better person, being stronger, more capable, more secure and happier. So ill just do that for now on. see how it goes. 
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Anhedonia, inability to feel happiness, little things feel impossible like a hassle, what's the point
Young People of Color / by affableTown5581
Last post
 October 24th
...See more If you can relate to the title i found that this video was really helpful on dealing with the feeling that there's no point of doing anything that everything is impossible.  The ending was the most helpful around time stamp 1:00:00 summary is basically how to rethink goals so that they feel as rewarding as procrastination. How to get out of a spiral of hopelessness.  Long video but i like the subject matter and breakdown. Heres the link: https://www.youtube.com/live/NkRvfSGq0Qk?si=zqrO7zkI25UjUPey
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Maladaptive Daydreaming
Young People of Color / by affableTown5581
Last post
 October 28th
...See more This YouTube video is actually pretty helpful, my daydreaming addiction is getting worse lately due to stress. I keep getting sucked into imagining stories and scenarios so I'm gonna make an effort to work on it. Leaving this video in case anyone else could use it https://youtu.be/eL8MnC34pus?si=Kb_dR60aDoQqG45J
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Frederick Douglas Motivation
Young People of Color / by affableTown5581
Last post
 September 28th
...See more “Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation, are people who want crops without ploughing the ground; they want rain without thunder and lightning; they want the ocean without the roar of its many waters. The struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, or it may be both. But it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will.”
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Vanlifer the finale
Journals & Diaries / by affableTown5581
Last post
 January 31st
...See more Day 114 I'm done with 7 cups. It's been helpful but at the end of the day it's not for me. So this is my last post officially. Might as well be a vanlifer post. 114 days of living out of a car. What a *** time it's been lol. I miraculously raised my credit score, made some mental discoveries, started my comic already have multiple pages finished with artist I hired. Made some *** YouTube videos might do more with that. Got good at my job. Alots happened. I think I made two pretty huge discoveries that really have my ready to move on. 1, life sucks for me but it shouldn't. I'm literally trapped in an exploitative system. One that almost everyone I know is a victim of. But it effects me worse than most so I don't benefit by lingering in it. Trust in myself and indifference if peoples bs is what'll get me out. Most of everything in this country is bs. It's pretty much collapsing and no one's reacting to it. 2 I lean towards negativity when it comes to myself. Most thing are neutral. It's no biggie and doesn't matter. I don't care. adios ✌️🕊️
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It's not because of poverty
Journals & Diaries / by affableTown5581
Last post
 September 30th
...See more It's not a poverty problem it's a behavior problem 
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Life coach
Journals & Diaries / by affableTown5581
Last post
 January 3rd
...See more I've been watching Dr k and harmozi and I realized I need a life a coach in a way.  My issue is I have a specific set of hurdles and what I want is a way to overcome these hurdles with less wasted time. I spend a lot of time waiting 
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Vanlifer Day 85 Pyrrhic Victories
Journals & Diaries / by affableTown5581
Last post
 January 5th
...See more (of a victory) won at too great a cost to have been worthwhile for the victor. I've been a loser  A big fat loser at that  Literally Yet another grand realization of mine, this perhaps the biggest in my life. This one realization seems to encompass every single decision I've ever made all the way back to childhood.  At some point as a kid, well actually a few times as a kid. I've had the rug pulled from under me. Don't let the figure of speech fool you, the proverbial rug getting pulled from under me was an incredibly horrific and traumatizing experience. And this happened over and over and over and over again throughout my childhood until i developed the mindset that the worst possible thing that could happen to me WILL happen to me. And I was almost always right. It got to the point it became funny. Kinda like the scene in game of thrones where arya get to her last aunt just to realize she also died and she just burst out laughing. Surprisingly I never really thought about this aspect of my life and psyche. I figured oh well rough childhood who cares maybe it made me tougher. But it did the opposite. Without realizing it I've become terrified of losing. Horrified of failure. Which made never consider victory. Not really. I don't want to date a coworker because maybe she'll try to get me fired and then I'll be homeless and die on the street. This is a normal thought that I regularly have. I've met multiple women who I could have probably had great relationships with but since they're coworkers... I somehow think dating them will lead to my untimely death. And I'm not even joking. Like I actually think that. I'm being serious. And not only that I think theyll end up secretly wanting that to happen. Like they're secretly evil and get off on putting men in these positions. So instead of just taking them out on a date and seeing where it goes. I avoid them. I try not to lose. Because I think if I lose, I'll lose everything. But you can't win without being decisive. Pursuing victory is risking the worst possible defeat. Some people are lucky, they've never been so horrifically screwed over their whole childhood so they actually think they can't lose in such horrible ways. So they confidently take risk protected by ignorance. I don't have that privilege, I actually know just how bad things can get. But always trying not to lose or win causes stagnation which is just losing slowly. Choosing victory is also choosing my worst nightmare. I've learned to be ok with that. It's worth it. If going after my dreams leads to my death than it'll be a good death. The idea that I'll get victory through stagnation is ridiculous. That if I just wait it out and don't rock the boat is ridiculous. That is a Pyrrhic victory. A defeat dressed up as a victory. Spiritual suicide. Not worth it. From now on I'm acknowledging the possibility of victory just as much as I acknowledge the possibility of defeat. And I'm accepting the consequences of my actions.  America ain't it.  What I believe is going on in this country is that we are experiencing an unprecedented and rapid decline of the American dollar. This event is being hidden. It's being hidden by ridiculous housing cost. A basic 1 bedroom is about $100,000. Most people make 600 a week and keep 100 after bills. That's 100 bucks they have. Thinking that I'm going to buy a house in this country is silly. The economy is obviously failing and everyone is sticking their head in the mud. I live in my car yet I work at a job that most people would expect you to be rich in. Yet I live in my car. I'm being played. By America. Now I know that I have talents that I can monetize that would let me earn remotely. I ought to use those talents to free my earning so that's it's not locked down by a zip code. If I can make my own money remotely I can break away from this restrictive country. Trying to make ends meet in America is a Pyrrhic victory for me. 
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