my journal: various subjects, opinionating, CW at times
The title explains itself.
If you're interested in the ramblings of a middle-aged man with chronic conditions who, at times, sees things a little too clearly for his own good, then read on.
Sometimes I get political, but it won't be all the time.
I don't mind comments in general but if you're going to differ with what I write, that's fine--as long as you can explain your position clearly & reasonably. Rants, shouting & general incoherence will be ignored or flagged, depending on the situation. Try to remember that not everyone else in this world holds your beliefs.
Every so often I may post art or snapshots of projects I'm working on.
If you're still interested after reading all the above, great. (I do wonder at how much time you have on your hands, though)
@unassumingEyes - I figured it would be better to say it here instead of cluttering up Nadia's journal any more than we have. Anyway, if you must know...
I'm Jewish. Ethnically speaking. Philosophically I am agnostic but I still practice it a bit these days...starting to study Torah a bit more, getting a bit stricter on our dietary rules, etc. I have my reasons. As for a supreme god who cares about us all...I wish I had more faith than I'm capable of (which ain't much). It's always been difficult for me.
Am a bit surprised this wasn't more obvious, given my earlier recommendation for your religious studies.
....🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗
@slowdecline48 sorry, i had to poof earlier!
Agnostic- yeah, that makes sense. So you grew up in a jewish household? Any insight? Id ask about your take on the israel-palestine thing, but we both know how cups is about that.
Plus im afraid we might disagree on the matter, so maybe its best to leave it as a grey area xD
I really dont know how i could describe myself, lol. The most i can do so far is 90% monotheist 😂 sometimes, i want to stop even trying to find out the truth. But ive been taught my whole life that the disbelievers go to you-know-where, and apparently that means I have to find the truth- somehow?- to make sure Im not going you-know-where
As for the opposite, to be honest, Heaven sounds so boring
🤷🏼♂️ The fact that we're still talking after my "heritage reveal" is good, for a start. We both know our peoples usually aren't the closest of friends. The situation with Israel & the Palestinians is just a modern irritant. If you hadn't responded here &/or told me to stay out of your journal instead, I would've been sad...but not surprised.
If events during Muhammad's lifetime had just gone differently (& perhaps when Umar was calling the shots)...who knows how relations would be these days...
Re my upbringing: yes, but it was pretty relaxed. I was raised going to a Reform synagogue. Reform Judaism is...ehh. 😒 It's very assimilated to modern/secular culture. I stopped attending services once I grew up. Like many people I've wandered a bit, philosophically. (I was a hard-core atheist for most of the 2000's!) In the last few years I started returning to the tradition, &--to a limited extent--my people.
A small irony: though I have trouble believing in a god who cares about humanity, in some ways I'm more religious than I ever was as a child or teenager.
@slowdecline48 as much as a shock your "heritage reveal" admittedly was, not only would that not have been enough to scare me off or something, but I had the advantage of knowing you as a great and wise person beforehand. That we differ on such an imo big thing can prevent a certain type of understanding between us, but not much more
I can relate to that. Ever since I have considered myself as no longer a Muslim, I have been more religious than before. Freedom from pressure, for one, I guess, and the other is probably that while religion can get alot of things wrong, it undeniably can get alot of things right, and there's no harm in sticking to those
@slowdecline48 (and to be honest, I was worried you would respond much in the same way you seemed to expect me to respond. Again, you're a great person, but if you had spoken against my people I would have avoided you, and that would have saddened me as well)
Hmm... From our previous convo I'm guessing you live somewhere in the Great Sandbox, perhaps not too far from the Persian Gulf.
You're probably right that we shouldn't discuss the whole situation with Israel, etc. Gotta say I like talking to you, for more than one reason. You seem like a nice girl whose family pushes her a little too hard in some ways.
In all honesty:
I see no reason why I'd have any problem with your people, whoever they are. There is no reason for prejudice against an entire people. I've faced antisemitism more than once (not always from the usual suspects). The last thing I would ever do is hold an entire ethnic group in contempt out of some nonsensical notion, because I know how it feels. This might be a surprise, but if I lived in Israel (wish I could) & if I had Arab neighbors, I'd be fine with it. If we got along well enough they'd become friends who I'd do anything for, if necessary. I wouldn't care about what they believe (if anything), as long as they're basically decent.
So yeah, I have no problem with Arabs. Or with Southeast Asians or any people as a whole. I do have issues with Islam & been critical of it more than once...not for the reasons you might imagine. (it would require another journal entry--this one is too long already). But people can believe what they like & will, regardless of what I think...so I try not to think about it. In the US freedom of conscience is guaranteed under the First Amendment. That goes for all citizens here, & I wouldn't change that for anything. Over here we have every religion you can think of...we even have a few Ahmadiyya mosques. Ahmadis generally like it here, for reasons you probably already know. We have Pagans, too--their numbers have exploded in the last decade. There's a lot of nature worship & polytheists in the West now. I've met several Pagans; with two exceptions, they were friendly enough...weird, but nice. 😄
By now I'm not sure where I was going with this. Anyway, yeah...if you ever want to read my journal, feel free. I'll try not to be too obnoxious. 😏
@slowdecline48 since youve told me about you, i think its fair you atleast know this much: Although i am pakistani, i was born and raised in Kuwait, where i lived for 15 of my 16 years. The arabs are to me as much my people as the pakistanis. I like to think of it as having two homes, although Kuwait always feels more dearer
"There is no reason for prejudice against an entire people." Exactly my belief. Im not perfect, but I could not label all israelis, or jews, or americans, or even say pakistanis as one type of people. And- i do remember what i was taught in my islamic class not too long ago: every bad person may have some good in them and every group of bad people may have someone good among them, and justice is to acknowledge this
Although we are avoiding the topic may i recommend the book I Shall Not Hate on the israel-palestine issue? It is not prejudiced, in my belief, and even if it seems to you as such, i think it may appeal as to show you another point of view. Im open to any recommendations as well.
Im interested on your opinions on islam- no, really, i mean that! I too have some issues with the religion, mostly with rulings regarding marriage and treatment of slaves. But i am careful not to speak against it as the level of hatred against the muslims in some countries is extreme, and the last thing i want is to feed it in any way
You seem...content, in america. I hope you are. Most people online seem not to be, nowadays. I dont know exactly how americans see the arabian countries, but in all honesty, i have always regarded the US as- dangerous. That may be because of social media
Access to your journal- i am honoured. Ive stumbled on here before, but when i was a bit- younger, and generally avoiding adults, especially men. I think i dont have to be so anxious *now*
Sorry for the big blob of text!
@unassumingEyes ...slow, did you recieve a reply from me roughly 7 hours ago along with this above one? Its not showing on my end, and i think cups just whisked it away
Apparently it did. The back-end programming apparently eats thread replies at random. 🤦🏼♂️
Belay the first part of my previous post. You're not in the MENA region...my mistake. No problem. The rest of it still applies: I have nothing against Pakistanis in general, either. (The country itself, though...oy vey. I've heard about how it's been since 1947)
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a teacher, BTW.
@slowdecline48 *just saw this, what is cups doing* ay, im more concerned about the country than you are. Now you see where my guilt comes from. Someones got to do something about these struggling people
@unassumingEyes Now the reply appeared. 🤦🏼♂️
It's the thread structure in these forums. It hides replies for some reason & then reveals them...think it depends on what we users do &/or thread length. Anyway I'm off to read your thoughts--assuming they're still up there. 😒
It disappeared again. F**k!
(Yes, Jewish people aren't supposed to talk like this)
@unassumingEyes Belay the above. I found your replies after logging back in via ye oulde laptoppe.
(Yes, it is old. Gonna hafta replace it soon)
The thread structure is still a bit wonky when accessing Cups through a phone, though.
Yes, I'm tired. I usually am...but now I have many thoughts. With all this talk about religions & Central Asia & the Middle East & whatnot, you shifted my brain into 2nd gear. 😏 There is no way I'm writing it all down.
Will try to figure out how to respond before I log in here again. Right now I need sleep.
My saw files arrived yesterday...took long enough.
They're in my place now, & I'm happy. (For the moment)
@unassumingEyes - re your book recommendation: From the stuff I've read online about it so far... No. I seriously doubt the author is a particularly prejudiced man.
He's gotta feel some loyalty to his people, which is understandable. I'm that way; you're that way; almost all of humanity is. Even so, apparently after his daughters & niece were killed he became a...Palestinian-Canadian version of Martin Luther King Jr.? Kinda sounds like it so far....
Once I'm settled on my new place & most of my stuff has been secured somewhere, I'd like to get ahold of a copy of his book...will have to write down the info...
I could say more in response but never mind that. All I will tell you is that if there were more in charge like Abuelaish & less like Hamas' leaders, we might have had a peace agreement by now.
(Incidentally, there have been massive protests in Israel against Netanyahu & his administration...many younger Israelis suspect ol' Bibi is keeping the war going for his own purposes)
@slowdecline48 i agree with you, on boh points. I dont think Hamas is this perfect thing thats doing everything right, i really dont. And i know that the israelies are not all war hungry or something like that. I fully blame the leaders, who show no remorse in continuing this destruction
I think you will enjoy this book. It actually rid me of prejudice against israel and their supporters. Before this book, i might not have responded peacefully to your own heritage. It was a real eye-opener, ill say
Got a mediocre new haiku.
Am currently slouched down in my office chair... Right now, all I want to do is sleep.
Too tired to do anything...even things I want to do.
And of course there's the headache...slight flareup this morning...
Eff it. I ain't doin' nuthin right now. Will do what I can tomorrow & Friday, try to rest enough & find a diversion this weekend after Shabbat...I need a break from this stress.
@slowdecline48 Nothing wrong with resting when you need to. Especially when there's a headache involved. Stress makes everything act up 😕 I hope you feel better soon
Thanks, Twisty. I do feel a bit better now...feel like I can work, & most of the day is gone. 🙄
@slowdecline48 I'm glad you're feeling better! Is there something that you can do that's not too complicated or stressful tonight? Maybe a more chill evening/night would help tomorrow get off to a better start?
A chill evening is exactly what I've been up to.
...& now I'm jonesing again. That old Reese's craving.
If the federal government is really out to tackle addiction in society, it could start by outlawing Reese's Pieces, peanut butter cups & all the other products under that label. Those cups are edible crack...seriously.
@slowdecline48 Kind of glad to read that I'm not the only one with that addiction
@mytwistedsoul Oh, there are a lot of us out there. Reese's addicts are in every American city & town...for sure there's a ton of us throughout Canada. Probably in Mexico, too.
Quick note to @unassumingEyes -
I've been meaning to respond to one of your questions...just haven't organized my thoughts yet. Gonna try to do that soon so the next post here will have a few answers. I'm trying to get to it, I swear. I need to focus better.
@slowdecline48 no worries. Life can be alot... looking forward to your reply but take your time
...had a sneezing fit a few minutes ago.
Yep, it's almost here. I know it for sure.
We can't see the pollen yet, but it is in the air.
That powdered yellow bio-warfare agent will coat every outside surface soon enough.
You're a merciless b***h, Mother Nature. Kiss my pale Yiddish as.s. I will have no compunction at all when I start felling trees on my property--in earnest.
While I'm normally not the kind of person to hang out in chat rooms, I do attend the Sharing Circle...not all the time, but I go here & there. It's a good thing to listen to people handling their issues & support them when you can. It can also be educational.
...yes, the Circle can teach you stuff.
Tonight it reinforced a lesson I learned a while back, from hearing/reading similar stories from other men. (Also from briefly living with a couple after moving to FL--throwing in with them was my mistake)
I've been a lifelong bachelor. By now it's a permanent status for sure. Like any lifestyle, it has its perks & drawbacks. There is one thing I am profoundly happy about:
I have never gotten married to the wrong woman.
I made & fitted a couple handles on files yesterday... Not much else to report.
Still would like my eardrums & other inner ear parts removed. Just to get rid of the tinnitus, maybe the other symptoms if it would work. How do you find a surgeon who does that?...can't, in this country.
Wonder if I could find one in a different country...
@slowdecline48 Potentially sill question but does the steady drone of a fan help it not be as noticeable?
Not a silly question at all but no, not in my experience. For something to drown out the ringing, it has to come through earbuds & be loud enough. That's why I listen to ambient music sometimes.
My body's problems--the chronic s***--will affect the move. It's already a foregone conclusion.
Need a vehicle too. I should focus on that this week.
...if I have to, I'll jettison more cargo than originally intended. In such an instance it will probably be a sizable portion of my home library.
I very much hope the above will not come to pass. But if it does, then as the African-Americans used to say, "it is what it be & it be what it is."
It's gonna rain today. I need to prepare for the maintenance guy to show up tomorrow for the stove. And there's the vehicle acquisition to work on...
Life is, as always, complicated. Godd*mmit.
Is a cut thumb sufficient reason to rest, so it heals faster instead of being re-opened whenever you try to hang onto or carry an object?
My head hurts tonight...
How the f*** am I supposed to get stuff done when I'm like this?!
@slowdecline48 Hopefully your headache is gone. I know for me the weather can trigger headaches and/or make them worse 😬
@mytwistedsoul You ain't kiddin'! I used to not mind being outdoors in anything short of a downpour or temps below freezing... These days, if it gets too hot or cold I take a rain check on whatever was planned--whether it's raining or not.
@slowdecline48
Some caffeine ☕ might help and chicken soup 🍲 \(^-^)/
@VictoriaLove7 Too much caffeine ==> flare-ups. Ditto for alcohol. Vestibular migraine-whateveritis makes Slow a dull boring creature. I have a plastic jar in the freezer...inside it is my "1/3rd-caff" mix. (That's a rough approximation) Most of the time I don't sip anything stronger than that...sometimes I'll buy an energy drink if I'm out somewhere & really need something.
Headache again, d∆mmit...I hate flare-ups.
Might've been because I woke up very early (middle of the night) & didn't sleep for hours...The flip side of that is I got a couple things done this morning. 🤕
I was thinking of going shopping for a few things, but forget it. I can go tomorrow. My head feels like it weighs 30 lbs....it's only Tuesday, right?
...will wake up later & see what I can do tonight. Laundry would be good. So would throwing out a few useless items.
Also - I reeled off a new haiku. You can read it at the bottom of this page of my doggerel thread.
An even worse flare today.... Phuck.
😵💫
@slowdecline48 Oh damn Slow. That really sucks. I was hoping today would be a better day for you 😞
@mytwistedsoul 'preciate the thoughts. Days like this always arrive sooner or later. That's what chronic illness is. You know it as much as anyone else in Cups-Land, no?
@slowdecline48 Yeah you're right. I've been having joint issues the past 3 days because of over working and bad weather 😅
Well that isn't good...
🎶 You load 16 tons, & whaddaya get / Another day older and deeper in debt 🎵