my journal: various subjects, opinionating, CW at times

This is all I have to post today...wrote it out a few days back.

Talking to one of the more interesting people in CupsLand turned my head in this direction. I'll probably re-read at least one of these within the next few weeks.

Until then...

"He rode into the dark of the woods and dismounted. He crawled upward on his belly over cool rocks out into the sunlight, and suddenly he was in the open and he could see for miles, and there was the whole vast army below him, filling the valley like a smoking river. It came out of a blue rainstorm in the east and overflowed the narrow valley road, coiling along a stream, narrowing and choking a white bridge, fading out into the yellowish dust of June but still visible on the farther road beyond the blue hills, spiked with flags and guidons like a great chopped bristly snake, the snake ending headless in a blue wall of summer rain."

- Michael Shaara, The Killer Angels

As historical fiction goes, this is one of the better ones. It's about the battle of Gettysburg. Michael's son Jeff is still alive & has written quite a few historical novels himself, all backed up by tons of research on his part. I was assigned this book when I was a university student...was probably one of only a few in my class who appreciated it for what it is.

[CW: MILDLY SELF-DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHTS MENTIONED]

It's after two in the morning & I can't sleep because my GI tract wants to play the tuba...on top of that, my upper back is sore.

Phuck.

"FML", as the kids say....

That comedy routine by Tom Segura strikes a note with me. He played it for laughs but to me, it's the truth. I'm not suicidal, but I am tired of this 💩. How many more years do I have to sit in front of this bowl of dog *** (with the occasional cherry) that is my life?... I mean, let's just wrap it up, ferchrissakes.

I honestly don't know if I want to be alive 10 years from now...currently I'm leaning toward "no".

...might as well make some tea. Or something.

Many people have complimented my art. And my canes...been working at all of it for long enough to know I'm pretty good at it. I am not the best artist, woodworker or craftsman around; there are better ones in every field. But I'm damn good at what I do. And so far I've never met anyone with the particular combination of skills & abilities that I possess. Also I have never encountered anyone who builds canes the way I do.

However, there is still an issue which is: along with amateur (though dedicated) scholarship & coming up with solutions to other people's problems, those feats--with my art & crafts--are the only things I can do.

I'm not great at any of the normal tasks of modern life, to put it mildly... I am a very good* artist, a decent history geek & thinker, & an unusually good conversationalist. But those things are all I can do. Well maybe not all...am also a skilled cyclist. But I'm not sure if that counts for anything.

To this day, I have no idea how to solve my conundrum.

*I wouldn't say "great". Great artists are few & far between.

Your thoughts, @LoveMyMoonflowers? I'll take any honest input as long as it's meant well...

Swiped from another member here because they fit me too well to leave 'em alone:

Am sitting here with a bit more head pain than usual...not at skull-busting level but there is a difference. Tired, too. For once I don't mind it too much, because:

Yesterday afternoon, after an appointment I went to a place of recreation. Stayed there all evening, & finally got back home close to midnight. I can ill afford such evenings, especially with the way this year is shaping up. But after weeks of dealing with medical stuff about health issues & not much else, besides being stuck inside my apartment--avoiding pollen as much as anything else--yesterday it all came to a head. Finally I thought f**k it. I need to take my mind off all this bulls***, even if only for a day. And I did.

I sketched while I was there. No, I will not post any sketches because they're not Cups-compliant, so the mods would take 'em down in a fraction of a second after I posted any.

I can't just handle problems day after day indefinitely...there has to be a break at some point. Guess I'm only human.

A few minutes ago I sent an e-mail to the corporate HQ of the restaurant an acquaintance works at. I sent it on her behalf as she's being harassed by another coworker, with the tacit assistance of one of the managers who, after my acquaintance reported it, retaliated by cutting her hours. The harassing employee has not been disciplined in any way.

That was my good deed for the week. Now I gotta go lie down.

As usual, this world is hideous. It would be much better without any humans on/in it.

Also this:

It wouldn't be such an annoyance if we had decent public services in this country. We've sent $170 billion+ to Ukraine when it's not even an important place, nor one that we depend on for any critical resource. Meanwhile our infrastructure is slowly crumbling & we still don't have a real healthcare system.

“There are people who are so angry now because the American dream for them is dead. They can't graduate high school, get married, have three kids, live in a five-bedroom house, and drive three cars. It's not possible anymore. People realize that an elite class is gorging off of their hard work.”

- Andrew Henderson, founder, Nomad Capitalist

So I degreased & rinsed the drivetrain on my bike... Other than making a couple calls today & updating the contact list, that was all I did. Now I just want to lie down again.

Wonder if I'm going into a downward part of a cycle?...if so, then it'll change at some point.

Me, at about 9:30 p.m.: I'm tired...think I'll lie down. Maybe I can get a good night's sleep for once.

My intestines, after midnight: "Wake up, motherf***er. We have a lot to say & you're gonna listen to us until morning."

Yes, the markets are jittery right now because of the situation in the Near East*, less than expected earnings reports for some corporations, & persistent core inflation among other factors. But let's keep it in perspective, folks. No economy will boom indefinitely; market corrections are a normal part of modern life. Downturns are inevitable. It has always been so since civilization began. The smart move is to stay cool, don't panic-sell, & just ride it out.

Just saw tonight that Fristo is gone...why he left, who knows?

I talked to him once or twice in one of the chat rooms. It was the Sharing Circle, if memory serves.

It's strange...I didn't know Fristo well at all. He was just another name on the screen. For some reason his departure makes me a bit sad. I don't know why.... Maybe it's because I was used to seeing him around here & am finding this out suddenly.

Change is inevitable, but it's hard enough to get used to in & of itself. When change is abrupt & without advance notice, that only makes it worse.

@slowdecline48 It surprised me too. Fristo was here for as long as I can remember. It's odd not seeing their name around anymore 😕

current mood

A few hours ago, I typed up a new poem...felt the need to share it. So click the link, gentle reader. (It goes to a different thread here in CupsLand)

From the Keeping It in Perspective Dept.:

Tonight I'm feeling slightly better than I was earlier...finally got some sleep. Am slowwwly getting rid of the clutter in my place, though I have trouble staying on top of that. One of my projects is going slow but steadily...I can't wait to be done with the damn thing.

Best of all, the price of silver has gone up 82.22% in the last five years. H€ll, I woulda been happy just to see it beat inflation. It did an awful lot more!

I feel like rereading some precious prose from that great sage & eminent writer, Ambrose Bierce. Yes indeed...

Today was exhausting.

Barely slept last night, had a medical appointment for a series of tests this afternoon--two of which verged on cruel & unusual punishment--then went to a nearby place to eat because by then it was rush-hour & I wasn't gonna hail a ride just to sit in traffic, especially since I was feeling like 🐕💩 then.

I wound up having a beer (which I didn't order--there's a story behind that); I didn't get home until after 20:00.

Tomorrow I will pay the price for my folly. ☠️

@slowdecline48 I hope you were able to get some rest and that the price wasn't too steep. It sucks that we have to weigh the pro's and con's of everything all the time when it comes to our health - physical and/or mental. Life seems to have a sick and twisted sense of humor sometimes

@mytwistedsoul Hey! Twisty! It's good to see you back here, even though we're both in CupsLand.

Got some sleep this morning but it wasn't enough. I'm gonna try to fix that, then get some stuff done tonight.

@slowdecline48 It's nice seeing you too!  :) I'm kind of a sucker for this place lol and it's about the closest thing I'd do to social media

Hopefully you caught up on some extra sleep. I know for me being tired make everything 100 times worse

I hope you have a good productive night Slow

[CW: 7Cups-related commentary]

It's nice to know y'all like my input in the forums...

Gracias, @mytwistedsoul & @PatienceImpatiens ...if I made anyone's day, good. I don't believe in karma but if I did, at this point I'd guess I will return in the next life as something medium-worthy, like an untrained Jack Russell terrier...or maybe an anonymous bureaucrat at a municipal reservoir.

But then there's this:

So this girl--I assume it's a girl--"likes" every post I make. She does this every few weeks, maybe once a month on average. I have no idea why because we've never talked, not anywhere in the forums or in any other way. We don't know each other at all. Yet every few weeks, she shows up & "hearts" everything I posted in that time....weird.

Aside from that, there isn't much to report. My head hurts but that is not news.

Hiya! I go on reading rampages, usually I will read all of something. And I’m enthusiastic about clicking stuff, because my brain is amised at things I read, so I like a lot of stuff, thereby leaving an electronic bread crumb trail lest someone try to track me down if I wander too far down some rabbit hole or to continue the metaphor, dangerously close to Hansel and Gretel’s wandering to the gingerbread house.

Amused though amised is a cool word.

@slowdecline48 I'm trying to picture you as an untrained jack russell - which if there is karma - that is way better than a banana slug imo 

@mytwistedsoul At one time I would probably have reincarnated as a banana slug, or maybe a typical town councilman...but for several months last year I helped look after that older guy in my anthill complex who was in hospice. Have also left advice posts in plenty of threads posted by Cups members in distress about their various troubles. I would like to think those are positive entries in the ledger, so to speak.

Yeah, markets & finance are among my topics of interest. It's a big part of what makes the modern world go round, you know?

Since you've returned to CupsLand, I hope you're feeling better in some way. I did miss you while you were gone.

@slowdecline48 I definitely think you've got a lot of positive entries in your account. Especially with looking after someone who was on hospice. That's a hard thing to do. Offering support and encouragement here is a big plus too in my opinion. So yeah - I think you've got alot of good marks

Not too bad, all in all. Yesterday afternoon I had a medical appointment; by then rush hour had started so I didn't want to return home right away. The evening was somewhat adventurous, & productive. Now I'm recovering from it. 😄

I forgot to post about it, so here's the blurb: The interview by the industrious volunteer @MistyMagic, about my main chronic condition is here.  👈 click on that word if you'd like to read it...hopefully you'll find my answers useful & entertaining.

[CW: politics/current events, link to incident of unpeaceful speech]

You can think what you like about the Israel-Hamas war, gentle reader. Like many people, I am disturbed by the death toll in it. Unlike many people, I know why so many innocent Arabs have died & been wounded: because Hamas uses them as a collective flak jacket whenever it attacks Israel. Civilian deaths mean more propaganda victories for Hamas & associated jihadists. They've been running that hustle for decades, because countless gullible people across the West fall for it every time.

But for me, the clearest sign of moral differences between the belligerents isn't just the fact that Hamas operatives (& Palestinian assistants) targeted Israeli civilians on Oct. 7th, but the general tone of the protests. From what I've seen, pro-Israel rallies have been peaceful...loud, but peaceful. Pro-Hamas--er, "antizionist" rallies have obstructed traffic in a few places (the Bay Bridge in CA, among others), & deliberately harassed & intimidated Jewish students at the university campuses where they're being staged. In my book, that says it all.

Say whatever you want about the issue. But we pro-Israel folk, at least, don't issue death threats to public officials. Or to anyone else, for that matter.

@slowdecline48 I've noticed the tone as well. Just last evening I was watching a live stream and the person who was streaming it went up to an older man (late 60's at least) who was standing quietly in the background - not saying a word and the streamer started asking him questions to which he answered f**k them. The guy streaming then proceeded to tell everyone around him what the old guy said and was imo trying to incite violence towards the old guy. Many of the younger men there were more than willing to fight with him and a few even started to push him around

@mytwistedsoul You know it. The tactics you described aren't limited to the Israel-Hamas conflict, either. That's how "progressive" activists work in today's hypermediated age of spin: provoke the target into taking action, then cry crocodile tears as they get video footage of it & make the real victim look like the aggressor. It is very difficult to counteract such deception.

@slowdecline48 I feel like we have a lot of similar views. To be honest (I might get banned for this but LOL oh well), I see Hamas as a terrorist group. The Hamas' leader's SON even exposed Hamas, he's anti-Hamas and warned people how awful it is, but some choose to be ignorant and ignore him.

Here's a YouTube Short on it [Title: "Dr. Phil’s Audience Goes Silent as Son of Hamas Founder Shocks Palestine Activist w/ Facts"]: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/dT_jA8WQjdA

And here's the full video[Title: "Dr. Phil, Mosab Yousef: Truth Behind Hamas; Unmasking Their Violent Intentions | Dr. Phil Primetime" Time: 17mins & 46seconds]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPomqJz-qYc&t=3s

@ImpudentIncognito Wow that was an eye opener that's for sure! Thanks for sharing those links! 

@ImpudentIncognito Muchas gracias for the links. I've heard of the man interviewed but never heard him speak until now. He wrote a book, too...will have to pick it up. For what it's worth, the State Department considers Hamas a terrorist outfit too, as does the EU. Frankly, if I ever meet anyone who portrays Hamas as some kind of heroic or good organization then I will have serious doubts about that person's morality.

Last Cups reaction & market-related posts for a while, I swear:

Thank you, @ImpudentIncognito.

...I don't consider myself a poet, but apparently a few others do.

Also:

...copper is up. The above figure is the price per pound as of about 12 minutes ago. Even with all the fluctuations, copper has been gaining value over the last year.... 🤔 ...might be time to sell all that wire I scavved btwn 2018 & '22.