my journal: various subjects, opinionating, CW at times
The title explains itself.
If you're interested in the ramblings of a middle-aged man with chronic conditions who, at times, sees things a little too clearly for his own good, then read on.
Sometimes I get political, but it won't be all the time.
I don't mind comments in general but if you're going to differ with what I write, that's fine--as long as you can explain your position clearly & reasonably. Rants, shouting & general incoherence will be ignored or flagged, depending on the situation. Try to remember that not everyone else in this world holds your beliefs.
Every so often I may post art or snapshots of projects I'm working on.
If you're still interested after reading all the above, great. (I do wonder at how much time you have on your hands, though)
Talking to one of the more interesting people in CupsLand turned my head in this direction. I'll probably re-read at least one of these within the next few weeks.
Until then...
"He rode into the dark of the woods and dismounted. He crawled upward on his belly over cool rocks out into the sunlight, and suddenly he was in the open and he could see for miles, and there was the whole vast army below him, filling the valley like a smoking river. It came out of a blue rainstorm in the east and overflowed the narrow valley road, coiling along a stream, narrowing and choking a white bridge, fading out into the yellowish dust of June but still visible on the farther road beyond the blue hills, spiked with flags and guidons like a great chopped bristly snake, the snake ending headless in a blue wall of summer rain."
- Michael Shaara, The Killer Angels
As historical fiction goes, this is one of the better ones. It's about the battle of Gettysburg. Michael's son Jeff is still alive & has written quite a few historical novels himself, all backed up by tons of research on his part. I was assigned this book when I was a university student...was probably one of only a few in my class who appreciated it for what it is.
[CW: MILDLY SELF-DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHTS MENTIONED]
It's after two in the morning & I can't sleep because my GI tract wants to play the tuba...on top of that, my upper back is sore.
Phuck.
"FML", as the kids say....
That comedy routine by Tom Segura strikes a note with me. He played it for laughs but to me, it's the truth. I'm not suicidal, but I am tired of this 💩. How many more years do I have to sit in front of this bowl of dog *** (with the occasional cherry) that is my life?... I mean, let's just wrap it up, ferchrissakes.
I honestly don't know if I want to be alive 10 years from now...currently I'm leaning toward "no".
...might as well make some tea. Or something.
Many people have complimented my art. And my canes...been working at all of it for long enough to know I'm pretty good at it. I am not the best artist, woodworker or craftsman around; there are better ones in every field. But I'm damn good at what I do. And so far I've never met anyone with the particular combination of skills & abilities that I possess. Also I have never encountered anyone who builds canes the way I do.
However, there is still an issue which is: along with amateur (though dedicated) scholarship & coming up with solutions to other people's problems, those feats--with my art & crafts--are the only things I can do.
I'm not great at any of the normal tasks of modern life, to put it mildly... I am a very good* artist, a decent history geek & thinker, & an unusually good conversationalist. But those things are all I can do. Well maybe not all...am also a skilled cyclist. But I'm not sure if that counts for anything.
To this day, I have no idea how to solve my conundrum.
*I wouldn't say "great". Great artists are few & far between.
Am sitting here with a bit more head pain than usual...not at skull-busting level but there is a difference. Tired, too. For once I don't mind it too much, because:
Yesterday afternoon, after an appointment I went to a place of recreation. Stayed there all evening, & finally got back home close to midnight. I can ill afford such evenings, especially with the way this year is shaping up. But after weeks of dealing with medical stuff about health issues & not much else, besides being stuck inside my apartment--avoiding pollen as much as anything else--yesterday it all came to a head. Finally I thought f**k it. I need to take my mind off all this bulls***, even if only for a day. And I did.
I sketched while I was there. No, I will not post any sketches because they're not Cups-compliant, so the mods would take 'em down in a fraction of a second after I posted any.
I can't just handle problems day after day indefinitely...there has to be a break at some point. Guess I'm only human.
A few minutes ago I sent an e-mail to the corporate HQ of the restaurant an acquaintance works at. I sent it on her behalf as she's being harassed by another coworker, with the tacit assistance of one of the managers who, after my acquaintance reported it, retaliated by cutting her hours. The harassing employee has not been disciplined in any way.
That was my good deed for the week. Now I gotta go lie down.
As usual, this world is hideous. It would be much better without any humans on/in it.
Also this:
It wouldn't be such an annoyance if we had decent public services in this country. We've sent $170 billion+ to Ukraine when it's not even an important place, nor one that we depend on for any critical resource. Meanwhile our infrastructure is slowly crumbling & we still don't have a real healthcare system.
“There are people who are so angry now because the American dream for them is dead. They can't graduate high school, get married, have three kids, live in a five-bedroom house, and drive three cars. It's not possible anymore. People realize that an elite class is gorging off of their hard work.”
- Andrew Henderson, founder, Nomad Capitalist
So I degreased & rinsed the drivetrain on my bike... Other than making a couple calls today & updating the contact list, that was all I did. Now I just want to lie down again.
Wonder if I'm going into a downward part of a cycle?...if so, then it'll change at some point.
