my journal: various subjects, opinionating, CW at times
The title explains itself.
If you're interested in the ramblings of a middle-aged man with chronic conditions who, at times, sees things a little too clearly for his own good, then read on.
Sometimes I get political, but it won't be all the time.
I don't mind comments in general but if you're going to differ with what I write, that's fine--as long as you can explain your position clearly & reasonably. Rants, shouting & general incoherence will be ignored or flagged, depending on the situation. Try to remember that not everyone else in this world holds your beliefs.
Every so often I may post art or snapshots of projects I'm working on.
If you're still interested after reading all the above, great. (I do wonder at how much time you have on your hands, though)
This is an example of why if you are an investor, you should hold some metals. Even if you don't have much money to work with, do not put it all in stocks, or in cryptos, etc. Stocks ain't bad at all but like all financial assets, their values fluctuate. It's Monday & the NASDAQ index is already slightly down from the opening. Ditto for the S&P.
As the old saying goes, "never put all your eggs in one basket."
@slowdecline48 it looks like a heart monitor🤔🤔
@Tinywhisper11 For some people, market charts in real time serve as a pacemaker!... 😏 Not for me, though. The way I figure it, if you get all excited & hyped up when asset values rise & you get bummed out or start panicking when they fall, you've lost the game already.
@slowdecline48 you know your a very very intelligent man ❤❤ it's really fascinating hearing what you got to say ❤❤ I'm glad I get to be part of your world ❤❤ hugs you tightly
In the dream I became a werewolf...there were so many people & places & finally a big old house full of tchotchkes & Americana. I went from one pack to settle into another. It was epic.
Off-topic but I've been here for long enough that by now, there are certain people who I will not talk to. (If you're subbed to this journal then you are not one of them. Rest easy) Mainly because they are f***ing annoying...if you want total honesty, in certain cases it is also because of political &/or religious differences. I have no problem with other people having different opinions than my own--if I did, that would be terribly immature. But like with everyone else, certain political issues are more important to me than others. Thus differences on those issues are sharper, & in some cases more personal.
With religious differences between me & others, the biggest one isn't between different beliefs but with belief as such. I see quite a few people in Cups-Land with faith in their god...several Muslims, & quite a few Christians. It's understandable that we need something to lean on, what with the troubles that bring us here. But I have always, always had difficulty with it...never been able to take that leap of faith that believers do with such ease. I am not an out-&-out atheist. But the idea of an omnipotent, omniscient & omnibenevolent deity who cares about us all & will provide for us if we believe & do what (s)he/it wants us to...that notion just doesn't make sense. It is also profoundly at odds with what I know of this world via academic study in certain areas & considerable personal experience. That leaves the basic insolvable difference between me & believers of any stripe. As the old saying goes, "for those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't believe, no explanation will do."
@slowdecline48 I think that's the biggest problem I have with religion. Like you - I'm ok with the fact that it's what helps people get through their day. If faith gives them strength and brings them peace then by all means have at it. It just seems to me that there's a whole lot of people praying for the world and it doesn't seem to be working to well does it? If there's a god then how do you explain evolution? Dinosaurs? Cause I must have missed that part in the bible. Idk
@mytwistedsoul Indeed. Evolution is just the half of it...if there is a god who looks after us then how does one explain the AIDS virus? SARS? Flesh-eating bacteria? Or tsunamis, earthquakes, famines, etc. I have never encountered a theodicy that can explain all the suffering we encounter in this life.
A few minutes ago I shooed two possums off my patio.
They were bigger than I would've expected, too.
They also didn't quite understand that they could go back down the stairs, at first. *smh*
(You can't just shoot them because of laws against unnecessary gunfire in urban areas...yes, even in free states in the South)
Another thing: they weren't exactly a threat. Possums can bite but they don't pursue people...they're little marsupial scavengers that run around & eat what they can. Frankly, pit bulls & Rottweilers make me far more cautious. So I just ushered them off the patio with a piece of PVC pipe.
@slowdecline48 there are some dogs that are banned in the UK, I think they might be the ones you mentioned, dogs are scary😰 hairy scarys are also terrifying😱😱
hairy scary= spider
You got it right. The UK has a nationwide ban on all the large-headed short-faced dog breeds. I don't presume to tell foreign governments how to run their countries but to me, breed bans aren't a solution...this is coming from someone who hates pit bulls in general, btw. Mainly because whenever you ban something it immediately becomes attractive to a lot of people--the "Garden of Eden effect". Solid regulation of breeders (esp. for canine genetic health) & maybe licensing requirements for prospective owners seem like more reasonable & practical solutions.
@slowdecline48 😲omg! That thing looks like weird deformed rat😱 I don't care about gun laws next time shoot it 😱
[CW/TW: AN HONEST OPINION ABOUT SOMEONE YOU KNOW]
I will tell it like it is, with no polish on it. If that
bothers you then don't read the following; just
log off & get a cup of hot cocoa or something.
Still here? Okay then...
_____________________
I've decided I am not going to talk to ASilentObserver anymore, because she is just too godd^^ned annoying. (Given the usual gender ratio in the medical & "caring" professions, I'm assuming ASO is female)
She is one of those people who can fracture my patience consistently.
I know she doesn't mean to...she is probably a nice person in real life. As a volunteer on staff, ASO obviously means well. But even though it is not her intent, it is still the effect/consequence. She takes the exact same approach to everyone who responds in whatever thread she posts: the initial formulaic "affirmation(s)" followed by a question based purely on the responder's initial post. No matter who answers, her response is always the same. To me, it feels like talking to a low-grade AI chatbot instead of with a woman (or man, if ASO is a man). Because ASO's basic formula of communication is unfettered by any forethought, she asks truly asinine questions in her responses. I lost patience twice in a row this way.
There are quite a few things in this world that chap my a.s.s....one of them is people who talk &/or act as if they're inadequately programmed robots.
I'm in my late 40's now; over half my life is gone. I don't have all that much time left. So I sure as f**k am not going to waste it on people who cannot keep a decent convo going because they can't be bothered to think before blurting out a response to whatever I post or say.
There is an upside to my experiences with ASO: she helped me to remember a vow I took a few years back...namely, I will not suffer fools unless I have no other option. Life is too short to do otherwise. Indeed, I need to start living by that maxim more consistently.
@slowdecline48 um I don't know what to say, so I'll just give you a hug ❤ squeezes you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Thanks, dear, I appreciate it...it's just that when I interact with a volunteer or Listener I'd rather (s)he talk to me like a human being, not as if (s)he is a robot & I'm a component on an assembly line the robot needs to work on, then send down the line.
@slowdecline48 dear customer 48 i understand that, but how does it make you feel?🤖
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 you know I thought what made us human is love and kindness, but it's really pressing all squares that contain busses 🤷
@slowdecline48 and your 15 minutes of fame, is gonna be after you die😁 when I sell all your art😎😁😁 I'll keep some of your art to remember you by of course ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 If I'm lucky, it would be much more than 15 minutes. That's how you succeed as an artist, see...this is how it works:
You slave away in obscurity (& often in poverty) all your life, unknown by practically everybody. Of course there's the mental derangement, drug problems & general obnoxiousness you inflict on anyone you have a connection with. 😜 So you keep on going like that until you d1e. Then, a few years after your death--usually around 15 to 20--someone discovers your work, publishes it & you become famous worldwide. 😏
@slowdecline48 yep! That's you ❤😁 yaaaaay! You'll go down in history. And I'll be rich 🤑 yaaaay! Us ❤
@slowdecline48 I recently came to this conclusion myself about a few people here. This happens to be one of those people. "It sounds like" yep it does sound like that because that's what I just said. I've been foolish enough to answer the follow up questions and it never gets acknowledged anyway so I won't waste anyone's time anymore. And the standard reply of you're not alone only serves to remind me that I AM alone. They're just ticking off a box. Because when things get bad and you're really struggling people take a step back. It used to be better here. There used to be more in depth conversations. Now it's as though they have a word limit. You can write paragraphs to listeners and get one word replies. Or spend most of the time talking about their problems. Or they're passive aggressive which - as much as I hate to use the word triggering - it is. Or they tell you they're not a professional. Does anyone have to be a professional talk to me like a human?
@mytwistedsoul hugs twisted ❤❤ don't worry your not alone ❤😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 maybe some people want to help but have lost their passion for it🤔🤔 I used to be a number, but I'm a human now🙂 I know you used to feel not human too😥 but hey don't give up, there are some people here who love you and are genuinely good people ❤❤❤gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤❤❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 *gives Tiny a gentle bear hug* 😂 you funny! I do believe you could be right. People can burn out or even get desensitized maybe? You are most definitely a very sweet and kind human ❤️ sometimes I still have moments when I don't 😞
@mytwistedsoul I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Thank you I love you too ❤️
@mytwistedsoul Interesting...
I haven't been here as long as a lot of Cupsians, but I suspect a major reason for this pseudo-automation is because CupsLand used to be a smaller community. By now it has surely gained size since five years ago, or even two y.a. Every time I log in, I see two or three names listed in the "just joined!" field. The volunteers only have so many hours in a day like everyone else...most likely, they cannot have in-depth convos with every single respondent due to time constraints. (Not to mention that not everyone here is up for such discussions, but that's a whole other kettle of fish) The volunteers were once part of the community like you & me. Now they're more like a bureaucracy, & are slowly becoming one. I don't like to say it but such a change is inevitable when a population--online or in real life--grows & keeps growing. Communal familiarity can only be maintained under a certain size... I haven't looked into it but that might be what Dunbar's number is about.
But knowing all this does not make some of these people any easier to take. Those automated comments make me like a rattlesnake with a toothpick jammed up its *** vent.
Also - you've caught passive-aggressive flak from Listeners? I've never experienced that, but then I haven't talked to many of them. Have only chatted with four, at most. Now I've narrowed it down to two.
@slowdecline48 kettle of fish haha!😂😂😂😂 that's a new one😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11 It's not new at all, actually...or maybe it is but only to you young'uns. I saw "different kettle of fish" used in print in the mid-2000's, & knew of it long before that.
@slowdecline48 oh ok I get it ❤ it's a prehistoric saying 😁😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@slowdecline48 I didn't give that a thought tbh. That it would get so big it couldn't hold that communal familiarity. Kind of sucks
@mytwistedsoul
Your response is food for thought...I had to take a moment after reading it. Seriously.
Then I remembered something I saw a while back. It spoke a basic, unalterable truth to me; maybe it will convey it to you. It is here.
Be as well as you can, & try not to harbor high expectations of humanity at large. My life got easier once I stopped doing that.
(No, Lola, you can't see it. It's a YouRube link. Don't click it...it's for our friend Twisted.)
After working on projects for three hours, I have to lie down. So much laundry to do...
My true credo these days: I'll get to it when I get to it.
I can never predict exactly when that will be.
@slowdecline48 awww bless you ❤ work is hard, but lazy is awsome ❤ if lazy was a Olympic sport I'd come forth, so I don't have to climb the podium! .😂😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11 😄 cute. The thing is, I am not lazy most of the time. If I stop working on something & go lie down, it's because at least one (& maybe more) of my conditions is bothering me enough that either I can't work period, or will do a s***ty job if I keep going. I'm one of those people who believes that once you know how to do something, you do it right or don't do it at all. (Admittedly, this attitude isn't always the best for working with others on a team 😆)
@slowdecline48 I'm not lazy either, I just haven't been bothered to stand up for a few years now😂😂😂😂😂
are you feeling any better after your nap?
@Tinywhisper11 I don't think your cut out for working in a team anymore! You would officially strangle the whole team😂😂
@Tinywhisper11 I was...then the sun came up. The pollen count rose with it. 🤧 😒
@slowdecline48 awww sorry sweetie, gives you a hug ❤ me feeling ill and pain too 😞 let's cry together😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 come in join in😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
@slowdecline48 ohhh! Um... I'll just cry on my own, if you don't mind. Remember I live at fart level ♿
Flakes are an aggravation.
By "flakes" I mean flakey people: those who agree to show up at a given place/time & then don't do it.
More than once, I have found myself waiting for someone & then feeling vaguely foolish for having believed that (s)he would keep his/her/its word.
Such members of Homo nonsapiens worthlesia have always existed but it seems like they're more common than ever, even as there is less of an excuse to act that way than at any time in history. We all have phones now; every phone (that isn't a Jitterbug) has a calendar function, settable alarm, etc. We don't even have to remember when an appointment is anymore--your phone will remember it for you. Long before that, whenever I agreed to meet someone somewhere the only things that kept me from arriving were strictly medical & substantially disruptive (& until the last few years, hardly ever occurred). Short of that, if I tell you that I will show up then I will f***ing show up.
Things like this remind me of why I became a solitary misanthrope, so long ago.
Yes, it's St. Patrick's this weekend. I don't think I'll go out, though...can just as easily drink at home. More cheaply, too.
A thought I had more than once during my time on Instaspam (&, earlier, Faceblech) occurs to me for the first time in a while:
If there's a god out there, please send a mile-wide meteor to Earth. Let the rock hit the planet & wipe out all life, so it is cleansed of all humanity & all suffering.
@slowdecline48 wait! People agree to meet others then dont?? Why??? I don't think I'll ever understand humans. But please God ignore the meteor thing, he didn't mean it ❤😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 not of all of us should be wiped out some of us are nice... There are at least 3 or 4 of us that deserve to be saved. I'm obviously number 1 on that list😁😎
@Tinywhisper11 unfortunately dec your number 5 on that list😂😂😂😂😂 you will be missed ❤😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11 Not too many people would miss me if I disappeared, I think... You? H€ll, you don't even know my real name or what I look like. I could get shot to death tomorrow & you'd never know what happened. No one here would...all you would know is that I suddenly stopped showing up here. Everything else would keep on going the way it was before; the Earth would keep orbiting 'round the Sun. My demise would change nothing.
@slowdecline48 you wouldn't be forgotten, dec you are loved ❤ I love you ❤ and I care.
@slowdecline48 and your not alowed to die without telling me, that's a order young man ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Waitaminnit. How am I supposed to do that? 😕 If I die then I'm supposed to write you a letter or something??...it would be the first time in history that a zombie attempted to communicate with a human being!...
"Lola - Sorry to tell you this, but I got hit by a speeding truck. The medics couldn't save me; I am currently on a steel slab in the county morgue. If you can fly to the US within the next 48 hours, tell me the airline & flight number & I will send you directions to the funeral.
Sincerely, Slow
P.S. Being dead is boring as f***."
@slowdecline48 😂😂😂😂😂 yep! That's how you tell me ❤😁❤
Moses with his head in the ground, this gets f***ing old...
Once there was a time when I could reasonably assume that If I got some sleep, I would wake up feeling refreshed. That was a long time ago... Starting from sometime in '14, my main chronic condition slowly emerged, the other ones got worse in '22 & '23...the warranty on my body expired a while back.
Isn't it amazing how time flies...so damn much has changed in the last 30 years.
Gen Alpha kids will never know what it's like to live without the Internet. Most of 'em will never know what it's like to do anything--for work or play--without using a cell phone, Chromebook or whatever. (The next generation may well have neural implants, to access the Net without using their fingers) They'll go through their lives without a sense of groundedness based in the real physical world...the reality known by everyone, from the earliest humans to my own generation. What else can you expect when everyone in modern society uses "social media" constantly & goes everywhere with our phones in our hands?
Most people have no idea how strange modern civilization is, because it's all we know. No fish ever thinks about the water it swims in.
Imagine a world where most people were farmers...if you weren't one, you'd most likely be some kind of tradesman. Unless you were female, in which case you'd be married off to a local man & become a housewife. Imagine a world where, unless you were wealthy or worked on a ship, you would live & die in the same town where you were born--& have little to no idea what's on the other side of the globe. Think of a place where having & raising children is almost an unwritten law, because you can't know if any of your kids will live long enough to reach adulthood.
Think of a world not only without the Internet & cell phones, but without electricity...a world where the only sources of light are the Sun, oil lamps & candles (& fire, whenever someone knocks over a lamp or candle).
Imagine a world where life was hard for most, but it was also simple for most.
Does all that sound weird to you? It was normal for practically all of humanity up to maybe the 1880's, give or take a few decades.
@slowdecline48 I'm not sure what years are genx, genz or whatever. But I wasn't raised on technology. But I guess I'm different and don't count. I do agree though children should be children, playing outside, not stuck in on their computers/phones and stuff
Generation X = my generation, born between 1965 & 1980. The "latchkey generation". We're just starting to get old now.
Generation Z = "zoomers". the 2nd generation after mine, born from 1995-ish to the early 2010's. The first generation to use the Internet & associated technology from childhood; because of that, they're often called "digital natives".
Generation Alpha = people born right after the zoomers. Gen alpha kids are the youngest right now, most of them being born between 2010 & 2024.
@slowdecline48 oh I'm gen z
Yep. See what you learn from reading my journal? 😃 It's educational here!
@slowdecline48 I have a lot to learn🙂
Almost forgot:
Generation Y = more commonly known as Millennials, born from 1981-ish to 1996. The parents of Gen alpha kids; millennials/mills are also known as "digital natives"--the first digital natives. They're the first generation to be as familiar with the Internet/social media as they are, far more at ease with communications tech than most people in my generational cohort.
Bronze statues that walk & talk, & act like it's normal for them...& a muzzle-loading field gun that I was responsible for. I had to position it, load & fire it.
...that was one of the more surreal nightmares I've had.
@slowdecline48 I wonder what dreams are. I wonder what they mean
@slowdecline48 hey you!!! We had a deal, your supposed to tell me if your dead!!!!!! *Pulls worried face*
Of course you would insist on the impossible... 😒😄
I'm lying in bed right now. I don't remember much of the last two days...all I know is that I'm aching all over, my Meniére's has flared a couple times, & some crazy woman left a dozen messages in my voicemail about how I will supposedly owe her child support a few months from now...
Oh yeah, I've been banned from the bar a few blocks north of me. Don't remember what that s*** was about, either.
@slowdecline48 Been out raising alittle h*ll lately? 😎 You've definitely been busy the past few days. Banned from the bar and child support?! 😯
Hope you're feeling alittle better now tho
@mytwistedsoul The bar & child support thing is a line of 🐂💩...I just wanted to see if Lola would buy it. 😁
All kidding aside, I have been shown the door in a few places. Sometimes it wasn't my fault; other times it was. Had to learn the hard way every so often. 😆
@slowdecline48 😂 Oh man I was worried for you LMAO! 🤣 Child support would have screwed you for the next 18 years. Although a wrong number call like that would have been hilarious 😂
@slowdecline48 tw*t 😂😂😂😂😂 I knew the child support would of been just a crazy lady, like you said. But I was worried about you
@slowdecline48 dec 😞 is this my fault?? I'm really sorry if it is😞😥 I love you ❤😥
@slowdecline48 😂😂😂😂😂 I did not your honour!!!😮😮😮😮😂😂 judge" and dec how do you justify using the force to make women sleep with you?? "
Dec "I am yoda, your honour" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
