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in the wonders of my mind💗.

User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx March 17th, 2024

hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didn’t look like me🧐makes sense doesn’t it😛since there can only be one *me*✨one of a kind now arent I😁/sar. one out of 8118835999✨🌷can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss you’re also one of a kind💖 sorrysorry haha :P🤍im just messing around xD💞also it’s 2am- but shush no snitching🤫I’ll sleep in a while😁when I’m feeling a bit more sane :>😛🩷

wanted to have my own space.💜 for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.💙

to whoever's coming across :'3💜please dont lurk here.🩷 I know anyone can have access to this forum :')💙but please be respectful🩷.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :P💛 y’all get crazy nosy haha- it’s alright.💛nothing too interesting will be here anyway💛if you would like to come in and be supportive it’s completely okie💛but please don’t make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limit💛because I’d still like this to be just my space ^-^💛)

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User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx OP January 15th

User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx OP January 15th

lovely broken home 🥰 and remember guys when dad gets home no one talk about anything that happened. 

… 

I’ve never screamed at this family member so hard and loud in my life 

Ive never even yelled at them before

and this family member has never ever hit me before

I sounded so ghetto 

I didn’t think I had it in me to do that ☠️

nd I literally did the thing I can’t explain it rn nd I was like good send me to a family of thieves then 

btw I didn’t steal anything 

context we won’t talk about

but yh

….

blood

bag

slam 

uncle (isn’t involved but saw everything)

yelling

hiting 

locked in the bathroom 

well

wasnt locked properly 

then a hug and we won’t talk about this etc 

then yelling again 

did I forget threats 

and the what’re u gnna do hit me ur gnna hit me too 

then they leave again 

and my uncle comes btw nd when I start yelling and she gets closer nd she raises her hand that’s when I was like what’re u gnna do hit me ur gnna hit me too 

that’s when my uncle actually comes in and he’s like just leave her leave her what’re u doing 

btw she just walked in again and kept going and I literally got up and. anyways wtv she’s gone again 

and he closed the door on me

i was standing in the bathroom

and I jst

i was against a wall 

I fell to the floor nd

started crying

nd 

idk

walked around 

sat down 

on the floor 

then this guy comes not my uncle 

nd

oh btw hes the one that hit me 

yeah it’s a long story 

I’ve never yelled at them before bcs were supposed to have respect for each other and maybe not- wtv

my dads almost home so I shld probably calm down cs yk we’re not gnna tell him any this nd “not for me but for ur dad he already has so much to carry already” and “they’re not doing this for me but for my dad”? ***. 

and see how she yells at me and she’s the one in the wrong 

*** *** *** ***

***

I want to ***

***

bro if she stood there in front of me for long enough I would’ve actually jumped her

why won’t she ever just

bro

*** keeps being like I’m gnna travel to my hometown I’m old I can’t handle this anymore I’m gnna go home nd bro never *** leaves me alone

call up the whole family cs ur tired ur rlly so tired nd ur old nd u can’t handle *** anymore at ur old age

so then just *** go 

ur right bro

u do burden us

just go. 


I’m gnna cry. 

what’s wrong with people 

who gives her the right to talk about me 

who gives him the right to touch me 

*** what I’ve been through it doesn’t make it okay 

I’ve been abused before and worse will I let someone try and physically hurt me now? *** no 

my dad doesn’t rlly… anymore i.g bcs idk 

hes

”busy” 

too busy to care anymore 

he never cared but I mean 

care to not care

i guess??

I want to *** hurt someone

oh but I come from good people, my dads good my family are believers of god my family are good people so what happened to me 

what the ***

idk bro 

what happened to me 

what’s wrong with me

i come from good people 

so it’s just so confusing that I turned out this way 

you know what we should do tho 

send me to another family. they’ll figure it out.

***

4 replies
User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx OP January 15th

TW ^^^ so sorry 

User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul January 15th

@iloveyouxx Hey 💙 Sometimes not so nice people hide behind a mask of goodness using their relationship with God to justify the things they do and push the blame onto others 💙 

2 replies
User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx OP January 15th

@mytwistedsoul

It wasn’t even to justify anything I’m pretty sure they jst think there’s smth wrong with me. like I come from good people and I was raised by good people so why am I the way I am?? they won’t even admit to anything wrong they did every time I’m like I literally saw you they jst start talking abt how I’m not raised properly and what’s wrong with me and wtv. I probably wasn’t raised properly. u guys raised me. of course I wasn’t raised properly I literally have a traumatic memory because of you guys that I remember from over 10 years ago replaying in my head. how would I be raised properly I was raised in a broken home but every time someone came over we smile and laugh and if anyone says anything wrong then well I don’t rlly think I shld talk abt that. I was so young. literally raised to pretend and hide. why am I still venting sorry soul 😭 thank you for being here 💙

1 reply
User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul January 15th

@iloveyouxx Vent away. It's better than holding it inside.💙

 Most people won't admit any wrong doing. Or they deny it ever happened. The fact that they change the subject to you and how you're not being raised properly says to me that they're aware of what you're saying to them and it's true but they're not going to admit it.(deflection ) People have trouble with holding themselves accountable. 
I was raised similarly. Sweep everything under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist or that it didn't happen. It was always my word against theirs and I was a kid and well, "you know how kids are" 😕

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User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx OP January 15th

……….

im so mad :’)

User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx OP January 15th

I want to run away. right now. I don’t want to pack or change or anything I just want to run out and run away and keep running 

my legs shaking I actually wanna do it 

User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx OP January 15th

everyone just yells over each other 

I try and say ssomething they yell because it’s the truth and no one’s used to that 

the truth breaks people

I try and post something on cups it gets censored 

I talk to my counselor all of a sudden it’s all I’m just a counselor there’s so little I can do 

wtf bro 

there’s so little you can do? you can’t help me with normal problems?? what can u do. 

 my heart hurts

 It’s like

sharp


brb

User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx OP January 15th

what if ur left lung hurts rlly rlly rlly rlly rlly rlly rlly rlly bad what cld it mean

ive had 

left lung pain before 

just like this 

at the time 

it was cs of 

actually I’m not sure

:’)

User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx OP January 15th

I shld talk any context later bcs none of this makes sense

User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx OP January 15th

 I’m gnna explain this is emojis okay 😭 or I’ll try 

because I’m tired nd it’s too long 

👧🏻🧍🏻‍♀️👀👵🛌👝👛🎒👜🛍🏃‍♀️💨🥷👀🙁😥❤️🛌🚶‍♀️☀️⏳🕛🕧🕐🕜🧍🏻‍♀️🧳🫙🤯🤯🤯👝👛🎒👜🛍😱😱😨😨🫢🫢😦😦😧😥😰😔👝👛🎒👜🛍🔙🚶‍♀️⏳👵😨⁉️⁉️😡😡😡😤😤😤😡

help idk how to explain the next bit in emojis 

okay so I hope it makes more sense than i think ot does cs this explains nothing

i find my stuff in her stuff 

so I’m just taking my stuff back and not saying anything I’m not getting mad at her I’m not confronting her or anything 

I’m just taking my stuff back 

these stuff are important to me btw 

nd there’s no reason she shld be going thru my stuff nd taking them 

I saw her btw 

the only reason I’d be opening her things is bcs I literally saw her opening mine nd putting it with her things

so

now that I did 

she’s randomly accusing me of taking her stuff 

💀 

btw no one knows she’s the one that was taking my stuff they just know I opened her bag 

so this guys hitting me 

she’s acting all innocent 

she’s saying all that stuff like I wasn’t raised properly 

when I start saying I literally saw her taking my things and wtv she gets mad nd that’s when she’s abt to hit me nd I’m like what’re u gnna do hit me etc wtv 

now she’s saying there’s money missing 💀 bro trust I went thru everything looking for my things there was never any money in there 

nd she’s like cs I’m the one stealing money 

nd I js got rlly triggered 

nd 

there was a lot of yelling

screaming

threatening 

I didn’t even do anything 

I wasn’t gnna tell anyone 

she doesn’t even need all the things she took 

but bcs ur the one that has a connection with god nd *** 

if anyone tries being like oh well there cldve been better ways than going thru her stuff hel no get out idec I don’t steal ppls *** plus yh moneys cool nd I’ve never had my own money before but trust I genuinely don’t want any rn 💀 it’s bcs like what wld i even buy from an amount of money I can steal- even better qs why would I steal. yk she doesn’t actually think I stole her *** right she just got scared when she realized I knew abt her stealing my things in the first place 

and she has the whole family convinced she’s the victim of life 

holy *** it’s so annoying 

she’ll be right there nd she’ll call someone up nd all of a sudden her whole body’s broken nd she’s weak nd fragile bro she even does this voice it’s so annoying like talk normally bro no one’s convinced

well actually she has the whole family convinced but wtv 

I’m jst mad 

bro

im

*** 

broke

why would anyone wanna steal from me 

this *** rich 

I leave  for skl nd she takes my stuff 

look bro ur weak nd fragile nd ur sick of me nd I’m a bad kid there’s smth wrong with me no matter what anyone does I never change 

so u go or i go 

actually I wanna go either way

*** 

physically I feel better btw 

I’m just so 

***

tired of putting up with *** 

wtv 


User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx OP January 15th

after every mental breakdown I’m either rlly numb nd tired or all of a sudden i jst-love 

nd I’m kind of both rn 😭 

anyways hugs ily guys u guys are so cool

help I was sitting on my glasses

oh *** 1% bye  

User Profile: iloveyouxx
iloveyouxx OP January 15th

I got a charger I’m at 4% now (that was fast) but look

1dd7b090-fac4-4d11-837d-a5dc750dd636_1736953718.jpeg

idek what that covered thing is btw 

omg

9% now 

howww none of the devices I use ever charge so fast