in the wonders of my mindš.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnāt look like meš§makes sense doesnāt itšsince there can only be one *me*āØone of a kind now arent Iš/sar. one out of 8118835999āØš·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youāre also one of a kindš sorrysorry haha :Pš¤im just messing around xDšalso itās 2am- but shush no snitchingš¤«Iāll sleep in a whilešwhen Iām feeling a bit more sane :>šš©·
wanted to have my own space.š for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.š
to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šplease dont lurk here.š©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šbut please be respectfulš©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pš yāall get crazy nosy haha- itās alright.šnothing too interesting will be here anywayšif you would like to come in and be supportive itās completely okiešbut please donāt make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšbecause Iād still like this to be just my space ^-^š)
lovely broken home š„° and remember guys when dad gets home no one talk about anything that happened.Ā
ā¦Ā
Iāve never screamed at this family member so hard and loud in my lifeĀ
Ive never even yelled at them before
and this family member has never ever hit me before
ā¦
I sounded so ghettoĀ
I didnāt think I had it in me to do that ā ļø
nd I literally did the thing I canāt explain it rn nd I was like good send me to a family of thieves thenĀ
btw I didnāt steal anythingĀ
context we wonāt talk about
but yh
ā¦.
blood
bag
slamĀ
uncle (isnāt involved but saw everything)
yelling
hitingĀ
locked in the bathroomĀ
well
wasnt locked properlyĀ
then a hug and we wonāt talk about this etcĀ
then yelling againĀ
did I forget threatsĀ
and the whatāre u gnna do hit me ur gnna hit me tooĀ
then they leave againĀ
and my uncle comes btw nd when I start yelling and she gets closer nd she raises her hand thatās when I was like whatāre u gnna do hit me ur gnna hit me tooĀ
thatās when my uncle actually comes in and heās like just leave her leave her whatāre u doingĀ
btw she just walked in again and kept going and I literally got up and. anyways wtv sheās gone againĀ
and he closed the door on me
i was standing in the bathroom
and I jst
i was against a wallĀ
I fell to the floor nd
started crying
ndĀ
idk
walked aroundĀ
sat downĀ
on the floorĀ
then this guy comes not my uncleĀ
nd
oh btw hes the one that hit meĀ
yeah itās a long storyĀ
Iāve never yelled at them before bcs were supposed to have respect for each other and maybe not- wtv
my dads almost home so I shld probably calm down cs yk weāre not gnna tell him any this nd ānot for me but for ur dad he already has so much to carry alreadyā and ātheyāre not doing this for me but for my dadā? ***.Ā
and see how she yells at me and sheās the one in the wrongĀ
*** *** *** ***
***
I want to ***
***
bro if she stood there in front of me for long enough I wouldāve actually jumped her
why wonāt she ever just
bro
*** keeps being like Iām gnna travel to my hometown Iām old I canāt handle this anymore Iām gnna go home nd bro never *** leaves me alone
call up the whole family cs ur tired ur rlly so tired nd ur old nd u canāt handle *** anymore at ur old age
so then just *** goĀ
ur right bro
u do burden us
just go.Ā
Iām gnna cry.Ā
whatās wrong with peopleĀ
who gives her the right to talk about meĀ
who gives him the right to touch meĀ
*** what Iāve been through it doesnāt make it okayĀ
Iāve been abused before and worse will I let someone try and physically hurt me now? *** noĀ
my dad doesnāt rllyā¦ anymore i.g bcs idkĀ
hes
ābusyāĀ
too busy to care anymoreĀ
he never cared but I meanĀ
care to not care
i guess??
I want to *** hurt someone
oh but I come from good people, my dads good my family are believers of god my family are good people so what happened to meĀ
ā¦
what the ***
idk broĀ
what happened to meĀ
whatās wrong with me
i come from good peopleĀ
so itās just so confusing that I turned out this wayĀ
you know what we should do thoĀ
send me to another family. theyāll figure it out.
***
@iloveyouxx Hey š Sometimes not so nice people hide behind a mask of goodness using their relationship with God to justify the things they do and push the blame onto others šĀ
@mytwistedsoul
It wasnāt even to justify anything Iām pretty sure they jst think thereās smth wrong with me. like I come from good people and I was raised by good people so why am I the way I am?? they wonāt even admit to anything wrong they did every time Iām like I literally saw you they jst start talking abt how Iām not raised properly and whatās wrong with me and wtv. I probably wasnāt raised properly. u guys raised me. of course I wasnāt raised properly I literally have a traumatic memory because of you guys that I remember from over 10 years ago replaying in my head. how would I be raised properly I was raised in a broken home but every time someone came over we smile and laugh and if anyone says anything wrong then well I donāt rlly think I shld talk abt that. I was so young. literally raised to pretend and hide. why am I still venting sorry soul š thank you for being here š
@iloveyouxx Vent away. It's better than holding it inside.š
ā¦ā¦ā¦.
im so mad :ā)
I want to run away. right now. I donāt want to pack or change or anything I just want to run out and run away and keep runningĀ
my legs shaking I actually wanna do itĀ
everyone just yells over each otherĀ
I try and say ssomething they yell because itās the truth and no oneās used to thatĀ
the truth breaks people
I try and post something on cups it gets censoredĀ
I talk to my counselor all of a sudden itās all Iām just a counselor thereās so little I can doĀ
wtf broĀ
thereās so little you can do? you canāt help me with normal problems?? what can u do.Ā
Ā my heart hurts
Ā Itās like
sharp
brb
what if ur left lung hurts rlly rlly rlly rlly rlly rlly rlly rlly bad what cld it mean
ive hadĀ
left lung pain beforeĀ
just like thisĀ
at the timeĀ
it was cs ofĀ
actually Iām not sure
:ā)
Ā Iām gnna explain this is emojis okay š or Iāll tryĀ
because Iām tired nd itās too longĀ
š§š»š§š»āāļøššµšššššššāāļøšØš„·ššš„ā¤ļøšš¶āāļøāļøā³šš§ššš§š»āāļøš§³š«š¤Æš¤Æš¤Æšššššš±š±šØšØš«¢š«¢š¦š¦š§š„š°šššššššš¶āāļøā³šµšØāļøāļøš”š”š”š¤š¤š¤š”
help idk how to explain the next bit in emojisĀ
okay so I hope it makes more sense than i think ot does cs this explains nothing
i find my stuff in her stuffĀ
so Iām just taking my stuff back and not saying anything Iām not getting mad at her Iām not confronting her or anythingĀ
Iām just taking my stuff backĀ
these stuff are important to me btwĀ
nd thereās no reason she shld be going thru my stuff nd taking themĀ
I saw her btwĀ
the only reason Iād be opening her things is bcs I literally saw her opening mine nd putting it with her things
so
now that I didĀ
sheās randomly accusing me of taking her stuffĀ
šĀ
btw no one knows sheās the one that was taking my stuff they just know I opened her bagĀ
so this guys hitting meĀ
sheās acting all innocentĀ
sheās saying all that stuff like I wasnāt raised properlyĀ
when I start saying I literally saw her taking my things and wtv she gets mad nd thatās when sheās abt to hit me nd Iām like whatāre u gnna do hit me etc wtvĀ
now sheās saying thereās money missing š bro trust I went thru everything looking for my things there was never any money in thereĀ
nd sheās like cs Iām the one stealing moneyĀ
nd I js got rlly triggeredĀ
ndĀ
there was a lot of yelling
screaming
threateningĀ
I didnāt even do anythingĀ
I wasnāt gnna tell anyoneĀ
she doesnāt even need all the things she tookĀ
but bcs ur the one that has a connection with god nd ***Ā
if anyone tries being like oh well there cldve been better ways than going thru her stuff hel no get out idec I donāt steal ppls *** plus yh moneys cool nd Iāve never had my own money before but trust I genuinely donāt want any rn š itās bcs like what wld i even buy from an amount of money I can steal- even better qs why would I steal. yk she doesnāt actually think I stole her *** right she just got scared when she realized I knew abt her stealing my things in the first placeĀ
and she has the whole family convinced sheās the victim of lifeĀ
holy *** itās so annoyingĀ
sheāll be right there nd sheāll call someone up nd all of a sudden her whole bodyās broken nd sheās weak nd fragile bro she even does this voice itās so annoying like talk normally bro no oneās convinced
well actually she has the whole family convinced but wtvĀ
Iām jst madĀ
bro
im
***Ā
broke
why would anyone wanna steal from meĀ
this *** richĀ
I leave Ā for skl nd she takes my stuffĀ
look bro ur weak nd fragile nd ur sick of me nd Iām a bad kid thereās smth wrong with me no matter what anyone does I never changeĀ
so u go or i goĀ
actually I wanna go either way
***Ā
physically I feel better btwĀ
Iām just soĀ
***
tired of putting up with ***Ā
wtvĀ
after every mental breakdown Iām either rlly numb nd tired or all of a sudden i jst-loveĀ
nd Iām kind of both rn šĀ
anyways hugs ily guys u guys are so cool
help I was sitting on my glasses
oh *** 1% bye Ā